My doorstep isn’t exactly a street corner, either, but if they’re going to stand there and read their fairy tales at me, I think it counts.
My (very) Catholic cousin married a (gasp) Methodist. The wedding was at her church.
The middle of the homily was an anti-abortion screed. The only part I remember was where he did a reverse time-machine kill Hitler thing, where some aborted kid was going to grow up to save 10,000 souls - and who was going to pay for those souls?
The sermon was fine-to-good on either side of the psychotic break. This was the late 70’s, so before anti-abortion mania had spread much out of the Catholic church. Always wondered what the groom’s family thought of that portion of the service.
You have to adapt it to them, using some of the same concepts as I previously articulated. For instance, you could claim you’re quoting Deuteronomy 17:8-13, but mix it in with various mangled verses from elsewhere, citing it as follows:
“If there arise a matter too hard for thee in judgment, being matters of controversy within thy gates, then get thee the fuck off my property NOW, for the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men”.
You should do this while adopting a wild-eyed stare, drooling out of the corner of your mouth, and waving around an axe or an enormous kitchen knife. That should do it. If that doesn’t work, proceed with the dialog in the second part of my script in post #9. You might also mention that you have Satan imprisoned in your basement.
There was a school shooting victim’s funeral that was televised on CNN (probably a Columbine victim) where the pastor gave an altar call. My guess is that the pastor always did this at funerals, which IMNSHO is NEVER the time or place for something like that.
On a less drastic note, I recently found a card from the JWs under my windshield wiper. At some time between its application and my finding it, it had rained and the card stuck to the window, which meant I couldn’t have read it anyway if I had wanted to. I put a wet paper towel over it for a few minutes, and it wiped away.
I definitely did a double take when I saw this story, even though the booklets distributed by his namesake did bash the JWs.
How about Ezekiel 23:20? (NSFW - don’t say you haven’t been warned!)
Isn’t there a Doper who was a life-long JW until he and his wife realized they were in a cult a few years ago and left, at a huge personal cost?
I’ve also heard that many JW congregations have sold their Kingdom Halls and moved to smaller buildings, or even just had their meetings in people’s homes, and are saying that they are investing the money in Third World churches. This is not true; it’s because the older members are dying off and the younger members are leaving in droves.
As a teen, my circle of friends included two brothers who’d leave the house dressed in their “JW uniforms”, go to friend’s homes and change into borrowed clothes. They’d change back before going home, of course. They got our of the JWs as soon as the youngest was old enough that they could leave at the same time without having legal troubles.
I once was asked by a JW on the street whether I was a Christian. I answered with a super-chirpy “oh yes! Christian, Catholic, Apostolic and Roman!” Her partner had to grab her…
Ezekiel even beats out Enoch on the weirdshitometer.
Curiosity and the cat and all, but I don’t know enough to really get this. I get Christian and Catholic are separate but what is Apostolic and Roman?
Inquiring minds and all, thanks.
This post is why SD needs a LIKE function.
To hell with the JWs.
Not to put words in Nava’s mouth, but since she and I are Roman Catholic I think I know what she’s getting at.
Christian - Many Protestants and Protestant-adjacent sects (like JWs) don’t consider Roman Catholics to be “real” Christians, so start off with that.
Catholic - In both the Nicene creed sense of Universal, and specifically indicating a member of a church that recognizes the primacy of the Pope (Latin-rite Catholics and the various Eastern rite churches.)
Apostolic - A member of a church that has preserved the line of priests/bishops back to the original Apostles, i.e., every priest and bishop has been ordained by someone who could theoretically trace a line of ordination back to the Twelve, and hence to Christ himself. Basically Catholic, Orthodox, the Oriental churches (e.g., Coptic, Armenian), and depending on who you ask Church of England/Episcopal.
Roman - Usually shorthand for Roman Catholic in the Latin Rite. Many churches use Catholic as part of their name, but Roman is pretty specific to this group.
JW’s are considered a cult. They think that God is God, but Jesus is a god, but not THE God, because only Jehovah is THE God, but there’s only one God, but Jesus is a god. Or something.
I had a female co-worker who was a JW. Her husband beat her so badly he put her in the hospital. The cult told her not to press charges and they would take care of it, as it was really her fault for being a “bad wife.” I told her to leave the husband, the cult and to press charges. She did.
We had JW show up at our door 5-8 years ago. Our road is private, and there is a sign “PRIVATE ROAD NO TRESPASSING”. I answered the door and immediately explained that they were trespassing and I was calling the cops. They skedaddled and haven’t been back since.
That’s the plus to living on a private road. Yearly upkeep and the lack of snowplowing are the minuses.
I’m sorry for your loss, GreysonCarlisle. And may Danielle acquire a really severe bleeding ulcer.
justanothermike. Here’s his excellent ask a former Jehovah’s witness thread, where he posts all the details.
And the RCC itself is often described by itself in those terms (it’s a frequent theme in sermons); well, the “christian” part gets ellided. Based on age, accent and location, the JW was raised RCC with a 99% probability, she was familiar with the phrase, but she now belongs to an organization which considers only its members “proper” followers of Christ. So it was one of those “oops, my finger in your eye booboo?” moments and it certainly did hit home. Very un-Christian of me, where’s my “crying with laughter” emoji?
Thank you both, John M and Nava. I am about as religious as a rock. I finally got tired of all solicitors at my door. They see my face at the window and I just turn around and walk away. The longest time standing waiting for me to open the door was about fifteen minutes.
My former FIL was a devout catholic who was well versed in all things churchy. He also had a lot of the church’s literature in his home, which he stored for the local priest. Whenever one of these ass clowns would come to his door, he would invite them in and listen to their spiel. Then he would pull out a box of church literature and begin telling them all about HIS religion, including its history. If the visitor made noises about having to leave after a half hour of this, he would say something along the lines of “Well, I sat here politely while you told me all about your organization. It would seem that common courtesy would dictate that you hear about mine.”
I can’t speak to the JW part, but I had hundreds of LDS students over the years. Most of the males went on a mission shortly after graduation, and I’ve kept in touch with some of them. The purpose of the mission is not to seal a sense of us/them. There’s no need to instill an us/them mindset via a mission: LDS kids are raised with an us vs. “gentiles” mindset. They really do hope to convert people, though they don’t expect to be very successful: I think the average is something like 3 converts per year per missionary. I do think part of the idea is to kind of brainwash them into staying with the faith, though, by forbidding internet, TV, telephone, radio, or movies and requiring most waking hours be spent proselytizing,
OP, sorry about your mom. Have you considered writing Danielle back and telling her what you think of her opportunism? Or would that merely encourage JW’s to keep sending you crap?
My understanding (as an admitted outsider) is that the purpose of witnessing is not really to convert anyone to a new religion. It’s seen as a duty a religious believer owes to God.
So when they show up at your door and annoy you, they’re not really doing it for your sake. They’re doing it for themselves; they want to impress God with how good a believer they are.
Thanks. You can’t reason with a true believer, so her letter is sitting in the bottom of the trashcan and it will go out with the rest of the garbage on Thursday. Guess I could put it in the recycle bin, instead…