# Jehovah's Witnesses tell people to stop masturbating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 22, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546 "2012-09-22T22:45:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quintas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@Quintas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quintas)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/1 "2012-09-22T22:45:56Z")
Amusing ASL video produced by Jehovah’s Witnesses to tell deaf people to stop masturbating: [Jehovah's Witnesses Tell Deaf People to Stop Masturbating - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfV8eHsfexU&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/2 "2012-09-22T22:53:54Z")
Hey if they don’t like me masturbating, they shouldn’t have sat next to me on the bus. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/3 "2012-09-22T22:59:55Z")
The sound of one hand fwapping. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/4 "2012-09-22T23:09:18Z")
To be fair, telling the blind to stop masturbating is like shutting the barn door after the horse has escaped. What’s ASL for “hairy palms”? ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/5 "2012-09-22T23:21:33Z")
It’s even better with some [music](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPIoi_u9StM). ---
**Author:** ![Quintas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@Quintas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quintas)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/6 "2012-09-22T23:27:44Z")
This version is particularly moving: [No masturbation (Jehovah Witnesses tell deaf people not to masturbate) - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaoZfzQYwao&feature=player_embedded) ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/7 "2012-09-22T23:39:06Z")
I’m going to try some of those hand movements next time I masturbate. …It is an instructional video, right? ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/8 "2012-09-23T00:32:14Z")
Is this actually what American sign language looks like? It looks a bit… dramatic Or does dramatising it add it more va va voom and it’s how you show inflection and stuff? I have no idea ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/9 "2012-09-23T00:48:33Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > Is this actually what American sign language looks like? It looks a bit.. dramatic > > Or does dramatising it add it more va va voom and it’s how you show inflection and stuff? I have no idea Exactly. Speed and intensity/force of movement and facial expression help convey the full meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/10 "2012-09-23T01:51:36Z")
Stop masturbating. You’ll grow so much hair on your palms that no one will know what you’re signing anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/11 "2012-09-23T02:12:02Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Exactly. Speed and intensity/force of movement and facial expression help convey the full meaning. Wait, are you talking about sign language or masturbation? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/12 "2012-09-23T02:13:40Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > Wait, are you talking about sign language or masturbation? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/13 "2012-09-23T02:22:06Z")
He certainly knows how to turn a phrase. A planet of the blind would keep them company. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/15 "2012-09-23T07:21:21Z")
> [@DannyHaszard](#): > > you are supposed to ‘leave it in Jehovah’s hands’ 😕 I thought they were against masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/16 "2012-09-23T07:47:03Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > > [@DannyHaszard](#): > > > > you are supposed to ‘leave it in Jehovah’s hands’ > > 😕 I thought they were against masturbation. Well, yeah; that’s why Jehovah gives you a handjob like he said. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/17 "2012-09-23T08:39:17Z")
\*\*Jehovah’s Witnesses tell people to stop masturbating \*\* They need to pick a better time to knock on my door! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/18 "2012-09-23T12:55:42Z")
I wasn’t aware: 1. That there was a big epidemic of deaf people masturbating; and 1. That it was a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Snerky\_Snerk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Snerky\_Snerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snerky_Snerk)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/19 "2012-09-23T13:17:41Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > I wasn’t aware: > > 1. That there was a big epidemic of deaf people masturbating; > > and > > 1. That it was a problem. I would have thought that there’s a big epidemic of everyone masturbating. Or am I alone in that as well? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/20 "2012-09-23T15:09:36Z")
I’m really disappointed with the “related videos”. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546/21 "2012-09-23T15:19:16Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > Is this actually what American sign language looks like? It looks a bit.. dramatic > > Or does dramatising it add it more va va voom and it’s how you show inflection and stuff? I have no idea ASL incorporates facial expression as an element of both grammar and individual word meaning (I’ve heard it can be considered proper to sign BSL\* without much facial expression, that’s not the same in ASL), BUT yes, this is an over-the-top performance. I showed it to my ASL teacher (who is deaf) and he laughed his ass off. I can only understand about half of it, enough to get the gist. \*ASL and BSL (British Sign) are not closely related languages. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovahs-witnesses-tell-people-to-stop-masturbating/635546.md?page=2)