# Jennifer Wilbanks, you've got A LOT of apologies to start making **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852 "2005-04-30T11:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/181 "2005-05-03T17:54:46Z")
> [@DKW](#): > > Okay, here’s what I can’t understand: If she really had to get away and have some quiet time (which is perfectly understandable), _why did she deliberately draw so much freakin’ attention to herself?_ At the very least, she should’ve called back regularly to let the town know that she was all right and not kidnapped, injured, horrendously lost, etc. Here’s my hypothesis, FWIW. It wasn’t that she wanted time alone, but having disappeared into the **Wedding Machine** (and clearly from family’s comments it’s all about **The Wedding** ) she wanted to see if _she_ actually mattered to anyone as an individual. Hence, the mysterious disappearance, the clue-dropping, the bizarre story, et cetera, then showing up a few days later, rather like a child faking or exaggerating an injury to get attention. Childish? Selfish? Narcissistic? Absolutely. But given the behavior of the family, it’s hardly surprising. You learn what you’re exposed to. People do this kind of thing all the time; my father’s wife wrecked their house one day and then tried to claim they’d been vandalized. However, most of the time it doesn’t end up on the national news. If there’d been any real stories that day this would have been a below-the-fold item for the local news; instead, CNN, et al decided to make it into the centerpiece of the day’s infotainment. He who holds the TV remote chooses the story. Remember, the dog wags the tail because the dog is smarter than the tail; if the tail were smarter, it would wag the dog.[sup]\*[/sup] We (collectively) are getting wagged pretty hard in pursuit of ratings and viewership. Stranger - With apologies to Larry Beinhart and David Mamet. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/182 "2005-05-03T18:05:05Z")
Ooooh, I’m liking that hypothesis. “Disappearing” as a metaphor for her disappearance within the wedding machinations. We do tend to manifest what we’re really thinking & feeling, despite conscious attempts to the contrary. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/183 "2005-05-03T18:22:14Z")
**DKW** > [@](#): > > This sounds like a Rumiko Takahashi\* story Pour hot water on her and she smiles like a normal person. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/184 "2005-05-03T18:30:12Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > If there’d been any real stories that day this would have been a below-the-fold item for the local news; instead, CNN, et al decided to make it into the centerpiece of the day’s infotainment. I like your hypothesis, however, given the recent spate of wives killed by their husbands (Laci Peterson and Lori Hacking), who were originally thought to have been abducted at first, it’s no wonder this one also got full the “Pretty White Woman Abducted! Film At Eleven!” treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/185 "2005-05-03T23:34:43Z")
I listened to the Sean Hannity interview on the radio. Her fiancé said, “She’s a wonderful, caring person. _She would give you the shirt off her back._” Really? Hmm. I’m beginning to like this Wilbanks chick… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/186 "2005-05-04T00:27:19Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > I listened to the Sean Hannity interview on the radio. Her fiancé said, “She’s a wonderful, caring person. _She would give you the shirt off her back._” > > Really? Hmm. I’m beginning to like this Wilbanks chick… 😛 Whoa, there cowboy. Apparently he’s also described their relationship as being “very pure” (i.e. they haven’t done the nasty yet). So, it’s entirely possible she would **not** be a fun date. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/187 "2005-05-04T00:35:36Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Whoa, there cowboy. Apparently he’s also described their relationship as being “ **very pure** ” (i.e. they haven’t done the nasty yet). So, it’s entirely possible she would **not** be a fun date. This family is sounding more and more like some kind of LDS splinter faction from northern Utah that will inevitably end up in an armed standoff with authorities. Are we starting a pool for how long it takes her to run away again? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/188 "2005-05-04T00:51:39Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Are we starting a pool for how long it takes her to run away again? > > Stranger She can’t run away again unless she can figure out a way to get the GPS ankle bracelet off. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/189 "2005-05-04T00:58:27Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Are we starting a pool for how long it takes her to run away again? > > Stranger Actually, I’m betting that if they do go through with the marriage she commits suicide within a year or two. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/190 "2005-05-04T01:09:34Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Actually, I’m betting that if they do go through with the marriage she commits suicide within a year or two. Sadly, you’re probably closer to reality than we’d care to admit. This is starting to shape up like a high rent version of the Andrea Yates story. Let us hope that they do not procreate. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/191 "2005-05-04T01:10:20Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > She can’t run away again unless she can figure out a way to get the GPS ankle bracelet off. I thought they implanted it under the skin this time? (Harder to get rid of.) The more I hear about this story, the worse I feel for her. **Tuckerfan** , I hope you’re wrong. This is one seriously whacked out situation and I’m honestly shocked that there doesn’t seem to be a single person in her family to help her. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/192 "2005-05-04T01:19:41Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Whoa, there cowboy. Apparently he’s also described their relationship as being “very pure” (i.e. they haven’t done the nasty yet). So, it’s entirely possible she would **not** be a fun date. So you are saying that a female who won’thave sex on the first date is not fun? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/193 "2005-05-04T01:24:35Z")
Do we as Dopers really want this marriage to go through? I may be wrong, but if they did get married they might want to have kids. Already, both potential parents have shown enough dumbassitude to keep **Cecil** busy for a long, long time. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/194 "2005-05-04T01:25:44Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > So you are saying that a female who won’thave sex on the first date is not fun? :dubious: Where does the post say ‘first’? Also, would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/195 "2005-05-04T01:41:44Z")
She has already been offered $100,000 for the official film rights. Higher offers will probably come. (Personally if I were her I’d hold out for a spot on _Amazing Race_.) Meanwhile her fellow Atlantan Ashley Smith, whose story is actually inspiring (and I’m not even a Christian), is pretty much already “Ashley who?”. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/196 "2005-05-04T02:02:15Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > She has already been offered $100,000 for the official film rights. Higher offers will probably come. (Personally if I were her I’d hold out for a spot on _Amazing Race_.) > > Meanwhile her fellow Atlantan Ashley Smith, whose story is actually inspiring (and I’m not even a Christian), is pretty much already “Ashley who?”. What happened with Ashley Smith? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/197 "2005-05-04T03:25:16Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What happened with Ashley Smith? You may not know the name, but I’m sure you know the [story](http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/14/atlanta.summary/). ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/198 "2005-05-04T03:29:19Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > You may not know the name, but I’m sure you know the [story](http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/14/atlanta.summary/). Ah, that’s who it is. I googled Ashley Smith and came up with an entirely different woman! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/199 "2005-05-04T03:31:14Z")
Oh, the courtroom shooter, hijacker. Okay. Yeah, now I do. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/200 "2005-05-04T08:34:09Z")
To update an old Andy Warhol quote: In the future [everyone will be sold on eBay.](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5577795202&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=11)