# Jennifer Wilbanks, you've got A LOT of apologies to start making **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852 "2005-04-30T11:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/201 "2005-05-04T12:18:06Z")
Where are you guys getting all this info on the family’s craziness? Stuff I’ve seen online doesn’t really say anything about them. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/202 "2005-05-04T14:07:24Z")
I wondered if there would be any [editorial cartoons](http://cagle.slate.msn.com/news/RunawayBride/main.asp). 8 pages, many of them tied into Social Security reform. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/203 "2005-05-04T16:54:31Z")
I liked Varvel’s best–skewering the ghouls in the media about their coverage. Also like John Stewart’s comments on the media coverage a few days ago. This chick seems to be a disaster waiting to happen at some point. IMO, either she has a physical cause for her behavior (thryoid, eating disorder, mental illness) or she is a horribly spoiled, narcissistic immature person. Either way, not someone who should plan a family anytime soon… ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/204 "2005-05-04T16:57:38Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > IMO, either she has a physical cause for her behavior (thryoid, eating disorder, mental illness) or she is a horribly spoiled, narcissistic immature person. > > Either way, not someone who should plan a family anytime soon… In one fashion or another, you just described most of the parents I know. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/205 "2005-05-04T22:52:05Z")
The ever-enlightened New York Post[hhtp://nypost.com] puts it this way: > [@](#): > > Jennifer Wilbanks hails from a slice of the South where 32-year-old, never-married women are either insane, in prison or gay. Discuss. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/206 "2005-05-04T22:56:00Z")
:rolleyes: I’m sorry, I’ll code that again…sheesh, nine years on the web and still typing garbage like _hhtp://_…cripes…anyway: The ever-enlightened [New York Post](http://nypost.com) puts it this way: > [@](#): > > Jennifer Wilbanks hails from a slice of the South where 32-year-old, never-married women are either insane, in prison or gay. Discuss. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/207 "2005-05-04T23:19:41Z")
I think Mark Maron said it best: Everybody’s just pissed off at her because she’s not dead like we all thought she was. I wonder how many CNN, MSNBC, Fox news, etc. interns had already been assigned to create the dozens of splashes they were going to need to keep this case going right through the sentencing of the fiancee. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/208 "2005-05-05T20:25:21Z")
**Two Updates** : 1. Apparently, Wilbanks’s imaginary abductors when caught should also be charged with imaginary rape. From [here](http://www.legendgames.net/showstory.asp?page=blognews/stories/UN0000222.txt): > [@](#): > > Wilbanks, whose disappearance was the focus of national scrutiny, not only told APD she was kidnapped, but also claimed she was sexually assaulted. 1. [You like me, you really lime me!:](http://www.11alive.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=62686) > [@](#): > > Your sacrifices of time and personal inconvenience touched me deeply Also > [@](#): > > Each day, I’m understanding more about who I am and the issues that have influenced me to respond inappropriately. Then it was all worth it as a learning experience. (Man, Georgians [at least the ones I know] are _p-i-s-s-e-d_; several have called for her not to have to pay back the money but instead pick up garbage on the roadside. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/209 "2005-05-05T23:48:51Z")
You know what’s funniest of all about this whole thing? Let’s say this was a poor black woman from Detroit who bailed on her civil ceremony at city hall and took off for Miami. Nobody would be screaming for her to apologize, because … … we’d never have heard a fucking thing about it. Oh, poor little rich Muffy went jogging and now she is missing before her 600 guest wedding? We’d better make this national fucking news before the receipt for her bus ticket is even finished printing. If I may paraphrase Steely Dan, the things that pass for news – I don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/210 "2005-05-06T00:05:08Z")
Hey, **Jack** , didja hear NPR this morning? They had a story about a **groom** who bailed on his bride on the wedding day. He turned up a week later, after having spent the week walking up and down the beach. No one knew where he was that whole time. Didn’t spark a national panic. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/211 "2005-05-06T00:07:30Z")
He probably wasn’t a jogger. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/212 "2005-05-06T06:56:29Z")
Yeah, and I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and assert without a cite that women are much more likely to disappear and end up kidnapped/raped/murdered than men. Men are also _probably_ more likely to just disappear on their own without telling anybody. It doesn’t surprise me that there isn’t as much publicity when a man goes missing for a few days. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/213 "2005-05-06T10:38:21Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Whoa, there cowboy. Apparently he’s also described their relationship as being “very pure” (i.e. they haven’t done the nasty yet). So, it’s entirely possible she would **not** be a fun date. The [New York Post](http://www.nypost.com/news/nationalnews/43576.htm) confirms that they haven’t done the nasty yet. But it’s not because she’s a dull date. No, it’s because he’s a born-again virgin. Can I repeat that? HE HASN’T HAD SEX IN FIVE YEARS! What kind of dumbass thing is that to do to your fiancee? Reportedly they both used to have active sex lives with other people, so she was definitely feeling the itch, and on their wedding night he’d be all “Wow you look so good, sorry I spurted as soon as I dropped my pants. Maybe by next week I’ll actually be able to last more than 30 seconds in the presence of your breast implants.” This so-called abduction has now become a national story about a woman needing a booty call! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/214 "2005-05-06T11:40:06Z")
A born again virgin? Maybe they do deserve each other. ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/215 "2005-05-06T20:03:51Z")
I’m expecting to see one of the trash tabloids report that she received an anal probe from aliens in the Vegas desert. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/216 "2005-05-09T18:54:20Z")
This probably isn’t the best reason for a bump, but… > [@Fear Itself](#): > > I was thinking runaway bride soon after seeing all those deer-in-the-headlights pictures of her. Every picture has the exact same pop-eyed expression, the girl clearly has issues. Around the same time as this was posted, there was a bandwagon on [b3ta.com](http://b3ta.com) riffing on a girl featured in a photoblog who exhibited the same weird quality. The gallery came down pretty quickly after she was made a figure of fun. What with b3ta’s crude organization of the board, I wasn’t able to find it back when it was topical, but it’s become something of a meme now and I have the animated give I was looking for. So, for your comparison: [Expressionless girl](http://www.horkulated.com/images/articles/20050429194941170_1.gif). ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/217 "2005-05-09T18:55:31Z")
“give” = “.gif” I wish I had a spell-checker I could blame. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/218 "2005-05-09T19:02:35Z")
Oh, and here’s a [flash movie](http://www.luckykazoo.com/media/2005/05/expressionless-girl.html) with many more source pics, less cropping, and a hot soundtrack. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/219 "2005-05-09T19:14:09Z")
Here’s an interesting article from the _Atlanta Journal Constitution_. Seems our runaway bride has had problems with [sticky fingers](http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/0505/08bride.html) in the past. Then again, maybe that’s what folks do for entertainment in Gainesville. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/220 "2005-05-09T19:24:55Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Here’s an interesting article from the _Atlanta Journal Constitution_. Seems our runaway bride has had problems with [sticky fingers](http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/0505/08bride.html) in the past. > > Then again, maybe that’s what folks do for entertainment in Gainesville. That story also says that she bought the Greyhound ticket a week before her trip, which is a piece of information i don’t think i had heard before. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=12)