# Jennifer Wilbanks, you've got A LOT of apologies to start making **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852 "2005-04-30T11:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/81 "2005-05-01T01:03:19Z")
Hijack. I know recently we were kicking around the concept of passive / aggressive personalities. I think this young lady is a fine example. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/82 "2005-05-01T01:03:49Z")
**Stranger on a Train** > [@](#): > > I can’t see how throwing her in prison, though, is to anyone’s advantage. It’s about being a disadvantage for the criminal. But it’s also okay to have compassion for someone like this. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/83 "2005-05-01T01:10:03Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > This is now the second thread in the last week were people are apologizing for women who commit crimes. Come again? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/84 "2005-05-01T01:32:45Z")
Maybe he means the Schapelle Corby thread. Of course, in _that_ situation, the woman professes to be (and very probably is) totally innocent, and is facing extremely harsh punishment, whereas this woman has admitted her guilt and will likely never be prosecuted at all. But maybe he means something totally different, because that’s a really poor analogy. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/85 "2005-05-01T01:39:54Z")
I agree that she should be charged with everything possible. Which will probably be a misdemeanor. She should pay a fine and then slink off into obscurity, which I imagine would be just fine with her. As far as the people who are lost and rescued by the authorities: are they actually\* fined\*, or just just presented with a bill? I was under the impression they are just billed. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/86 "2005-05-01T01:58:50Z")
She’s [not looking too happy](http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2005/US/04/30/wilbanks.found/top.bride.airport.cnn.jpg) at the moment. She’s blown any chances of having a normal life. Her best bet is to change her name and move out of state. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/87 "2005-05-01T02:06:43Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > She’s [not looking too happy](http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2005/US/04/30/wilbanks.found/top.bride.airport.cnn.jpg) at the moment. Holy crap, she’s joined the Taliban on top of everything else. > [@Zoe](#): > > Now come to your senses. I’ll bet Sampiro knows that Mother of the Bride meltdowns and mile-wide craters are part of the tradition in some families. That’s how we know the bride is really fit to start a Southern home of her own. It’s as much a tradition as the throwing of birdseed. Literally, every photograph of my mother taken at my sister’s wedding shows her very visibly grinding her teeth, glaring at the camera like she’s about to shoot laser rays and clenching her fist. She had to be pulled aside several times by her she-relatives to make sure there were no casualties, and when the groom’s table caterer came over to relay some “suggestions” from the mother of the groom (which were bitchy and petty) several of us literally got between her and Mama. (The day was saved when we quickly shoved her into a bathroom and threw in a rabbit.) She literally boycotted my brother’s wedding because the restaurant chosen for the rehearsal dinner didn’t allow smoking. Finally she relented, entering the church a moment before the bride. This is Standard Steel Magnolia Histrionics when stress is high and the babies are trying to escape before the mother feels they’re weaned. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/88 "2005-05-01T02:10:27Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > . (The day was saved when we quickly shoved her into a bathroom and threw in a rabbit.). Shoved who – the caterer or Bridezillamom? And was it a live rabbit when it went in? When it came out??? :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/89 "2005-05-01T02:11:12Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > That’s what I’ve been thinking too. How the dickens could she call a halt to this juggernaut of a wedding at the last moment without a Mother Of The Bride meltdown that would leave a mile-wide crater? But this little stunt didn’t blow a hole that puts the above crater to shame? If i did something like this to my own family, THEY would kill me. Seriously, how could she do this to her mom, dad, fiance, etc? What a self-centered little cunt. She should have to pay back every cent the various state and local agencies spent on searching for her. EVERY cent. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/90 "2005-05-01T02:16:25Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > She’s [not looking too happy](http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2005/US/04/30/wilbanks.found/top.bride.airport.cnn.jpg) at the moment. Come on-- You _know_ [what’s under that beach towel](http://img103.echo.cx/img103/6849/wilbanks0re.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/91 "2005-05-01T02:18:12Z")
My Honduran girlfriend thought this story was somewhat amusing at first, until I mentioned that she blamed her “kidnapping” on an Hispanic male. Then she went absolutely ballistic. I’m still trying to calm her down. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/92 "2005-05-01T02:50:50Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Maybe he means the Schapelle Corby thread. > > Of course, in _that_ situation, the woman professes to be (and very probably is) totally innocent, and is facing extremely harsh punishment, whereas this woman has admitted her guilt and will likely never be prosecuted at all. > > But maybe he means something totally different, because that’s a really poor analogy. I thought maybe he was referring to Andrea Yates, but I wanted to give him a chance to explain himself before tearing him a new one. Damn, **Sampiro** , your mother sounds like quite a character. (You are the one whose mother was a lady wrestler, right?) You should write a novel about her. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/93 "2005-05-01T03:14:14Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > In further news, Al Sharpton still insists that she was abducted. > ok, not really 😃 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/94 "2005-05-01T03:34:12Z")
> [@mouthbreather](#): > > Stupid wart-infested cunt! I’ve read no official reports about the state of her girly bits. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/95 "2005-05-01T03:43:27Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Shoved who – the caterer or Bridezillamom? > > And was it a live rabbit when it went in? When it came out??? No, silly. Not a “rabbit”. A [rabbit](http://www.made-in-china.com/showimages/111/500001064/0/Rabbit_Vibrator_(Iia07-18111).jpg). MOI was quite calm, even glowing, afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/96 "2005-05-01T03:47:48Z")
You still haven’t answered about when it came in, or out. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/97 "2005-05-01T04:15:33Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > No, silly. Not a “rabbit”. A [rabbit](http://www.made-in-china.com/showimages/111/500001064/0/Rabbit_Vibrator_(Iia07-18111).jpg). MOI was quite calm, even glowing, afterwards. I originally read it as “Rabbi” :eek: … “First the pogroms then the camps and now this…Oy!” ;j ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/98 "2005-05-01T04:19:49Z")
> [@](#): > > How the dickens could she call a halt to this juggernaut of a wedding at the last moment without a Mother Of The Bride meltdown that would leave a mile-wide crater? As opposed to the tactful subtle way she handled it in reality? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/99 "2005-05-01T05:37:21Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > As opposed to the tactful subtle way she handled it in reality? Well, yes. That’s actually my point. Given the monstrous size of the wedding bash facing her, the throngs involved, the money already sunk into the thing, the expectations of everyone around her, what tactful subtle way did she have to escape at the point where she bolted? My theory is, as the big day got closer and closer she realized that she wanted out, but knew there’d be an epic fit pitched if she said so; that she freaked out as the day loomed over her, cobbled up some spur of the moment vague plan, and ran without looking past the terror of the wedding day to what she’d do next. That’s my utterly uninformed guess, anyway. I’m not excusing her, just saying that would be my take on why she did what she did. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/100 "2005-05-01T06:13:21Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Well, yes. That’s actually my point. Given the monstrous size of the wedding bash facing her, the throngs involved, the money already sunk into the thing, the expectations of everyone around her, what tactful subtle way did she have to escape at the point where she bolted? No one can fault her that much for running out. That happens all the time. Anyone who’s been engaged knows the fear that comes with that. And those of us who have actually been married at least \*thought once \* about doing it. If she had called home and said that, _everyone would have understood_. Some may have been pissed, but they would have understood. But faking a kidnapping… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=6)