# Jennifer Wilbanks, you've got A LOT of apologies to start making **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852 "2005-04-30T11:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/101 "2005-05-01T06:44:16Z")
To be fair, she said the kidnappers were a Latino male and a white female. Odd choice but she didn’t say both kidnappers were Latino. This story has been _huge_ here in Atlanta. Every morning on the radio they were talking about the 200 + volunteers who were scouring the woods for her and talking about the fiance and all that he had gone through. I feel really bad for him. I can believe that she might not have seen herself on TV. She said she was riding a bus. If she were then possibly panhandling or whatever in NM she certainly wasn’t watching television then. She had $150 with her when she left. It seems she could have taken a lot more if she’d really intended to be gone so long. I’m betting she just flipped out for a while but thought she’d be back in a day or two. She probably didn’t think that the police would get involved so quickly. Maybe she did find out about it when she got to NM and then…what can she do? She’s already screwed. I think jail time for her in this case is ridiculous and a waste of taxpayer money. She should have to pay whatever the state shelled out to look for her, IMO as well as what anyone else spent themselves on her. The CNN story does say the wedding is _not_ cancelled, just postponed. I wonder if that will be the case. One last thing - the police say they aren’t planning to charge her with anything currently, but the DA’s office said they haven’t made that determination yet. ---
**Author:** ![markdiscordia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@markdiscordia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdiscordia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/102 "2005-05-01T09:38:47Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Well, yes. That’s actually my point. Given the monstrous size of the wedding bash facing her, the throngs involved, the money already sunk into the thing, the expectations of everyone around her, what tactful subtle way did she have to escape at the point where she bolted? > > My theory is, as the big day got closer and closer she realized that she wanted out, but knew there’d be an epic fit pitched if she said so; that she freaked out as the day loomed over her, cobbled up some spur of the moment vague plan, and ran without looking past the terror of the wedding day to what she’d do next. > > That’s my utterly uninformed guess, anyway. I’m not excusing her, just saying that would be my take on why she did what she did. As long as we’re tossing out uninformed guesses: From her bug-eyed photos and her passionate acting on the 911 tape I conclude that she is one of those people who truly doesn’t understand that anyone else exists. I also heard a psychologist on the radio today saying that, given recent events, anyone in her position would know a media circus would ensue. Diagnosis: Attention whore to the point of sociopathy, proceed to jail. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/103 "2005-05-01T12:35:05Z")
You know, that footage of her going through the airport with a blanket over her head bugs me somehow. She’s either incredibly ashamed of what she did and doesn’t want to face anyone, or she’s hiding her face because if she can’t see the reporters they aren’t there. Just because the police aren’t filing charges right now doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. I would imagine they’re waiting for a chance to interview her before making that decision. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/104 "2005-05-01T13:13:08Z")
[Here](http://www.abqjournal.com/opinion/guest_columns/344850opinion05-01-05.htm) is a column you might like. I hope the link will work, as it’s always kinda dicey with the Journal. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/105 "2005-05-01T13:20:20Z")
Yeh, very good column. Really brings home how much damage she’s done and could have done. And **spooje** , yes, I agree with you that bolting was understandable and excusable but the kidnapping story was not. Another uninformed guess – this woman habitually doesn’t think much about the consequences of her actions. ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/106 "2005-05-01T14:41:31Z")
I think it’s safe to say that she isn’t going to return to the home she shares with the guy. At least not for some time. Personally, I’d have her stuff packed and put on the front drive. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/107 "2005-05-01T14:47:48Z")
You know the next time something like this happens, I hope the hoaxer does not delay to turn themselves in because we treated this confused person with vindictiveness. Now is a time to be courteous and helpful to a person who needs it. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/108 "2005-05-01T15:17:10Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > If she had called home and said that, _everyone would have understood_. Some may have been pissed, but they would have understood. I don’t think we know enough about the people in her life to state that unequivocably. It’s entirely possible that they’re the kind who would **not** understand. Such people do exist. OTOH, she could be an utter narcissist. Hard to say. In her defense, she looks really odd in those photos. OTOH, 32 is a bit old for that kind of adolescent drama. Restitution definitely seems in order, along with mandatory counseling and community service. It’s a no-brainer. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/109 "2005-05-01T15:41:25Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > [Here](http://www.abqjournal.com/opinion/guest_columns/344850opinion05-01-05.htm) is a column you might like. I hope the link will work, as it’s always kinda dicey with the Journal. That’s a fascinating story. I know that we shouldn’t be too hard on this woman until this whole thing has had a chance to shake out, but right now i’m feeling much more empathy for the writer of that column than i am for Jennifer Wilbanks. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/110 "2005-05-01T17:05:51Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > If she had called home and said that, everyone would have understood. Some may have been pissed, but they would have understood. Clearly, you and I come from different families. I was still paying off for having been kicked out of Sunday School when I was seven when I stopped talking to my mother at seventeen. (And I assume she still holds that grudge. :rolleyes: ) The more I read about this wedding and the emphasis her family seems to place on it, the question that pops into my head isn’t “Why did she run away?” but rather “Why did she stop at Albuquerque?” I’d have kept going until I hit the coast and then fabricated a scow out of trash drums and In-N-Out wrappers and sailed into the sunset. > [@ivylass](#): > > You know, that footage of her going through the airport with a blanket over her head bugs me somehow. She’s either incredibly ashamed of what she did and doesn’t want to face anyone, or she’s hiding her face because if she can’t see the reporters they aren’t there. Or perhaps she’s a _Hitchhiker’s_ fan and subscribes to the notion that if she can’t see them, they can’t see her. 😉 Stranger ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/111 "2005-05-01T17:37:29Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > The more I read about this wedding and the emphasis her family seems to place on it, the question that pops into my head isn’t “Why did she run away?” but rather “Why did she stop at Albuquerque?” I’d have kept going until I hit the coast and then fabricated a scow out of trash drums and In-N-Out wrappers and sailed into the sunset. Either that, or hung a left and made a dash for Mexico and freedom. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/112 "2005-05-01T18:15:04Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > Restitution definitely seems in order, along with mandatory counseling and community service. It’s a no-brainer. Her family was able to come up with, what - $100,000 in reward money, so restitution souldn’t be a real hardship, IMO. I also think she should be fined at the very least. I do have some sympathy for her, though. I think the whole wedding-palooza was getting out of hand and she just freaked. I think it became less about Jennifer and her fiance and more about THE WEDDING, in big bold letters. In some of the snippets of her friends and bridesmaids on the news, they are seen saying, “We just want her home in time for the wedding! No matter what state she’s in, we’ll get her down the aisle! Even if she has a broken leg, we’ll wheel her down the aisle in a wheelchair! She just has to be home in time for the wedding!” In one of the bits after she was found, but before the hoax was realized, another bridesmaid was saying, “We’re flying out to get her! We have to get her home in time for the wedding!” As if THE WEDDING was the only important thing. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/113 "2005-05-01T18:28:11Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Her family was able to come up with, what - $100,000 in reward money, so restitution souldn’t be a real hardship, IMO. I also think she should be fined at the very least. > > I do have some sympathy for her, though. I think the whole wedding-palooza was getting out of hand and she just freaked. I think it became less about Jennifer and her fiance and more about THE WEDDING, in big bold letters. > In some of the snippets of her friends and bridesmaids on the news, they are seen saying, “We just want her home in time for the wedding! No matter what state she’s in, we’ll get her down the aisle! Even if she has a broken leg, we’ll wheel her down the aisle in a wheelchair! She just has to be home in time for the wedding!” In one of the bits after she was found, but before the hoax was realized, another bridesmaid was saying, “We’re flying out to get her! We have to get her home in time for the wedding!” As if THE WEDDING was the only important thing. :rolleyes: Upon reading this, I was struck by an entirely inappropriate similarity to the Terry Schaivo situation. > [@](#): > > _We don’t care. If she has disfiguring injuries to her arms, we’ll cut 'em off and pin up the sleeves of her gown (the groom can hang the ring off her nose). If she was snakebit in her legs, we’ll cut them off and wheel her in on a handcart. If she has heart failure, we’ll perform open-heart surgery in the vestibule. The only thing that matters is that SHE MAKES IT TO THE WEDDING!_ As I said, the comparison is not entirely appropriate; but in both cases it seems that there were a lot of people who were more concerned with themselves than with the principal parties. (Doesn’t excuse the kidnapping story, though. No way.) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/114 "2005-05-01T18:37:02Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > You know the next time something like this happens, I hope the hoaxer does not delay to turn themselves in because we treated this confused person with vindictiveness. Now is a time to be courteous and helpful to a person who needs it. Uh, is this a whoosh? I honestly can’t tell. I mean, it works perfectly well if delivered with biting sarcasm, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense if it’s sincere. It seems reasonable to imagine that treating this hoaxer to hugs, ice-cream, and cake will increase the probability of others emulating her outrageous behaviour. “I need some time to myself. Oh, and an outpouring of public support. Perhaps I’ll stage my own abduction.” I think if anyone’s considering something like that, they ought to have an example of someone who was publicly pilloried to check their behaviour. Of course, if it _was_ a whoosh (which I hope it was,) never mind. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/115 "2005-05-01T19:07:44Z")
> [@Fear Itself](#): > > I was thinking runaway bride soon after seeing all those deer-in-the-headlights pictures of her. Every picture has the exact same pop-eyed expression, the girl clearly has issues. I saw the eyes I was thinking thyroid problem. That can make people a little nutty afaik. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/116 "2005-05-01T19:51:56Z")
Lying about kidnapping, filing false police reports, that’s illegaly right? But is it illegal for an adult person (over 18 years old) to voluntarily go missing? It can’t be illegal to just up and take off and not tell your family where you’re going or that you’re going, can it? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/117 "2005-05-01T20:21:30Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Uh, is this a whoosh? I honestly can’t tell. It’s a common issue with search and rescue. Do you charge people the costs of search and rescue because they were such dumbasses, or do you not charge them the cost of search and rescue in hopes that dumbasses will call for rescue earlier rather than later when it could be all the more difficult to find them, and when they are that much further along the road to their own injury or death. Put it another way. Will locking her up encourage other nutty types to not go into hiding in the first place, or will not locking her up encourage other nutty types who go into hiding to turn themselves in. One assumes that the primary objective would be to encourage lost souls to seek help, thereby both helping the nuts and also avoiding mistakenly investigating and perhaps prosecuting innocent suspects. To say the least, it sounds like she might have some mental health issues, so at this point it would be too early to decide whether to prosecute or not. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/118 "2005-05-01T20:37:36Z")
> [@Jaade](#): > > I think jail time for her in this case is ridiculous and a waste of taxpayer money. She should have to pay whatever the state shelled out to look for her Or at very least she should invite the police officers in NM and GA and the 200 volunteers to the wedding. The words “manic episode” keep coming back to me whenever I hear this. I wonder if she has a history of being bipolar. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/119 "2005-05-01T20:46:01Z")
Muffin, there’s a vast difference in dumbass-ness between simply pulling a 23-skidoo (which is of course completely forgivable) and deliberately misleading people into thinking you’ve been abducted after you reestablish contact. “I wasn’t thinking, and I had no idea this would happen, I’m so sorry,” is a far cry from “There’s an abductor out there, mid-forties, hispanic, medium build, no facial hair, wearing blue-jeans and a maroon jacket, driving a blue van, and accompanied by a cacausian woman about 5’9. Please devote additional resources to tracking these monsters down to spare me some embarrassment. WAAAAAAAIL!” People are responsible for their actions. If she wandered off because of a Margot Kidder episode, that’s another thing altogether, but so far all we’ve got is that she “needed some time to herself.” She’s still totally on the hook, as far as I can tell. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852/120 "2005-05-01T21:32:03Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Lying about kidnapping, filing false police reports, that’s illegaly right? > > But is it illegal for an adult person (over 18 years old) to voluntarily go missing? It can’t be illegal to just up and take off and not tell your family where you’re going or that you’re going, can it? No, I don’t think it is. But then, she probably was too afraid to tell her family and/or fiance that she was scared. Either way, I think the girl’s in major need of a psychiatric evaluation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jennifer-wilbanks-youve-got-a-lot-of-apologies-to-start-making/301852.md?page=7)