# Jerry Falwell in Critical Condition **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876 "2005-03-30T02:50:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/61 "2005-03-30T16:29:25Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > I heard he had a big heart attack. I’m sure there are prayers going out for him. There won’t be any from me. ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/62 "2005-03-30T16:39:50Z")
I was taught “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/63 "2005-03-30T16:44:50Z")
Too bad your parents didn’t raise Falwell. ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/64 "2005-03-30T16:48:24Z")
> [@NotMrKnowItAll](#): > > And you know, NOBODY can plug a toilet like The God Almighty! I’m always hearing that God Is On The Throne, so he clearly has some digestion issues. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/65 "2005-03-30T17:14:10Z")
So Johnny Cochran, Jerry Falwell, and the Pope all die and go to heaven. St Peter turns to Johnny Cochran and says… Help me out here, folks. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/66 "2005-03-30T17:27:43Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > So Johnny Cochran, Jerry Falwell, and the Pope all die and go to heaven. St Peter turns to Johnny Cochran and says… > > Help me out here, folks. > > Daniel “You must spend eternity giving cunnilingus to Nicole Brown.” He then turns to the Pope and says… ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/67 "2005-03-30T17:39:05Z")
I know we shouldn’t say anything bad, but damn its rough. Falwell always seemed to enjoy and rejoice in the worst things tha happen to somebody else. He really liked the idea that AIDS would exterminate people. He loved the 9/11 attacks. The tsunami probably made him delirious with joy. I won’t wish death on him, it’s against the rules. But if he does die I wish something far more terrible. I wish for him to be completely and totally forgotten, forever. With a gigantic ego like his, that would be the best justice, the ultimate slap in the face. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/68 "2005-03-30T18:48:23Z")
Today’s radio news said Falwell’s condition had been upgraded to **stable.** That’s gotta be a first for him. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/69 "2005-03-30T20:37:13Z")
What’s that? They’re moving him to the stable? Are they going to replace his hospital bed with a manger? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/70 "2005-03-30T20:38:20Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > Today’s radio news said Falwell’s condition had been upgraded to **stable.** That’s gotta be a first for him. You officially win this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/71 "2005-03-30T20:52:14Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Maybe the atheists among us should send a get well card to Falwell. That’s not a bad idea. I’m assuming he’d automatically do the opposite of what us evil atheists want. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/72 "2005-03-30T21:19:28Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > “You must spend eternity giving cunnilingus to Nicole Brown.” He then turns to the Pope and says… …you are to spend eternity being ridiculed about your hat by lesbian dominatrixes. And as for you Jerry… ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/73 "2005-03-30T22:18:25Z")
> [@Moe](#): > > …you are to spend eternity being ridiculed about your hat by lesbian dominatrixes. And as for you Jerry… Bring out the Gimp. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/74 "2005-03-31T01:27:12Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > So Johnny Cochran, Jerry Falwell, and the Pope all die and go to heaven. St Peter turns to Johnny Cochran and says… > > Help me out here, folks. That was fine just the way you wrotei t. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/75 "2005-03-31T02:20:40Z")
Well, here’s hoping that [the nice Christian couple that lives across the street from Jerry](http://www.soulforce.org/lynchburg1002/lb_pr091202.shtml) will visit him while he’s ill. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![zetafunction](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/57b2e6/32.png) [@zetafunction](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zetafunction)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/76 "2005-03-31T02:27:20Z")
WOOHOO! 😃 Here’s to hoping his death is painful 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![zetafunction](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/57b2e6/32.png) [@zetafunction](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zetafunction)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/77 "2005-03-31T02:29:38Z")
Not that I’m wishing death on him. I’m just wishing that his death, when it does occur, is extra painful. Not sure if that is against the rules too, though. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/78 "2005-03-31T02:55:50Z")
Seriously, a portion of this thread disgusts me. Falwell is first and foremost a human being, with family and friends who are concerned for him. Just because he’s said some things that aren’t exactly kind himself doesn’t mean we have to stoop to that level. I’m not defending many of Falwell’s words, but he’s human too. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/79 "2005-03-31T03:17:19Z")
Meh. People are merely according him the same level of tolerance, understanding, compassion, mercy and forgiveness he has always given. What goes around comes around. Tit for tat. Best to simply forget him and blot his name from all records, as if he never existed. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876/80 "2005-03-31T03:56:04Z")
I predict that a.) Jerry will not die - at least not from this bout of pneumonia. and b.) When he does die, that he will not be going to heaven. Because if heaven would admit a racist, misogynist, hate mongerer like Jerry Falwell, then I don’t really want to be a member of that club. One of the problems with being an atheist is that you can’t believe that the miserable bastards who really, really deserve it will rot in hell for eternity. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-in-critical-condition/296876.md?page=5)