# Jerry Falwell near death! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 15, 2007, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198 "2007-05-15T16:54:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/81 "2007-05-15T21:08:34Z")
[Phelps will picket the funeral.](http://www.godhatesamerica.com/) (Warning: godhatesamerica link may not be SFW and/or may cause brain damage). > [@](#): > > WBC will Preach at Jerry Falwell’s Funeral!! > WBC will preach at the memorial service of the corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines like “God loves everyone”. > > There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died. The evidence is compelling, overwhelming, and irrefragable. To wit: > > 1. Falwell was a true Calvinistic Baptist when he was a young preacher in Springfield, Missouri, and sold his soul to Free-Willism (Arminianism) for lucre. > > 2. Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC’s faithful Bible preaching – thereby committing the unpardonable sin – otherwise known as the sin against the Holy Ghost. > > 3. Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler, etc. All for lucre – making him guilty of their sins. > > Falwell is in Hell, Praise God!! I’m trying to think of something humorous to say about this but anything I say would be outclassed by the quote itself. Who knew Falwell had sold out to Arminiansim for lucre? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/82 "2007-05-15T21:11:30Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Who knew Falwell had sold out to Arminiansim for lucre? [/QUOTE] I’m afraid it’s irrefragable. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/83 "2007-05-15T21:17:27Z")
> [@Phelps](#): > > There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died. Isn’t that a good thing? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/84 "2007-05-15T21:27:39Z")
Falwell is going to be insufferable once he is resurrected in a few days. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/85 "2007-05-15T21:32:09Z")
[McCain first out of the gate with Falwell condolences](http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/mccain-first-out-of-the-gate-with-falwell-condolences-2007-05-15.html) > [@](#): > > “I join the students, faculty and staff of Liberty University and Americans of all faiths in mourning the loss of Reverend Jerry Falwell,” McCain said in a statement. “Dr. Falwell was a man of distinguished accomplishment who devoted his life to serving his faith and country. > > “Our thoughts and prayers are with Dr. Falwell’s family at this difficult time.” Just when you thought McCain couldn’t get any more ridiculous … ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/86 "2007-05-15T21:38:41Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] [Phelps will picket the funeral.](http://www.godhatesamerica.com/) * * * Who knew Falwell had sold out to Arminiansim for lucre? [/QUOTE] I used to be an Arminian by choice (there’s a joke in there somewhere). If Ida known they payed people to join the club, I would have held out for the lucre. Stray thought: who’s gonna picket Fred Phelps’ funeral? Besides God. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/87 "2007-05-15T21:44:10Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Falwell is going to be insufferable once he is resurrected in a few days. [/QUOTE] I would pay to see him rise up when the Phelps start protesting at his funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/88 "2007-05-15T21:55:37Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I would pay to see him rise up when the Phelps start protesting at his funeral. [/QUOTE] GOTCHA YA! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/89 "2007-05-15T21:59:10Z")
“Irrefragable”? ETA: Yes, I know it’s a word. It’s just… such an _odd_ choice of vocabulary. Not at all the sort of verbiage I’d expect a balanced individual like the most reverend Phelps to deploy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/90 "2007-05-15T22:00:50Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] If its the same Big Guy I learned about in Sunday School, Mr. Falwell is in for a nasty surprise. “Whats that smell? Is it sulphur? Man, is it ever hot here in Heaven!..” [/QUOTE] "Nixon? What the fuck are you doing here? Noooooooooooo…" ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/91 "2007-05-15T22:02:21Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] “Irrefragable”? ETA: Yes, I know it’s a word. It’s just… such an _odd_ choice of vocabulary. Not at all the sort of verbiage I’d expect a balanced individual like the most reverend Phelps to deploy. [/QUOTE] It’s probably one of his lawyer spawn. I think he has one particular son who writes all the screeds. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/92 "2007-05-15T22:09:59Z")
I shan’t gloat over Falwell’s death; I shan’t shed any tears either. He was a mean-spirited, nasty, petty little man whose goal in life was to spread fear and hate. I just can’t work up any sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/93 "2007-05-15T22:16:32Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] “Irrefragable”? ETA: Yes, I know it’s a word. It’s just… such an _odd_ choice of vocabulary. Not at all the sort of verbiage I’d expect a balanced individual like the most reverend Phelps to deploy. [/QUOTE] Apparently it’s a fancy-pants way of saying “[irrefutable](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=irrefragable).” I have a pretty deep vocabulary but I had to look this one up myself. Turns out it’s a perfectly cromulent word. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/94 "2007-05-15T22:21:34Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Apparently it’s a fancy-pants way of saying “[irrefutable](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=irrefragable).” I have a pretty deep vocabulary but I had to look this one up myself. Turns out it’s a perfectly cromulent word. [/QUOTE] Well, now your vocabulary has been embiggened! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/95 "2007-05-15T22:25:40Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I’m going to stick to the adage that if you can’t say something nice about the guy in the coffin… [/QUOTE] “Phelps is worse”. _We don’t need no water - let the motherfucker burn_ ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/96 "2007-05-15T22:31:08Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC’s faithful Bible preaching – thereby committing the unpardonable sin – otherwise known as the sin against the Holy Ghost. WBC is the Holy Ghost? Who knew. I guess that’s why you never see them together. It’d be so cool to see Jerry turn into a zombie and eat just one Phelps. I don’t care if it’s one of the kids- it’d still be cool. (The least charitable part of me was disappointed when the WBC was bribed to _NOT_ picket the funeral of Ryan Clark, one of the kids killed at V-Tech. For the Clark family I’m glad, but I think that the Phelps family picketing an unquestionably innocent kid who died senselessly, in a place where emotions are high, in a major city with lots of gun ownership, in a place where street gangs and rednecks of all ethnicities exist and you’ve given them possibly their first ever common cause- THAT would have been a fun show. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/97 "2007-05-15T22:50:30Z")
[QUOTE=McNew] I’m looking forward to _Countdown_ tonight. Olbermann will no doubt have something elegant and appropriate to say about it. [/QUOTE] So am I. It’s gonna be epic. Also, I’d love to see TDS or the Report play to the video game geek in all of us: “Sane People Win. Fatality!” …with graphics as seen appropriate by those fine folks. ---
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/98 "2007-05-15T22:52:36Z")
[QUOTE=Steve MB] I’m sorry he didn’t live long enough to watch the GOP either get dragged down into irrelevance by his faction or come to its senses and purge them. [/QUOTE] You wanted him to live another 70 years or more? RIP Falwell ---
**Author:** ![Roonwit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@Roonwit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roonwit)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/99 "2007-05-15T23:08:12Z")
I just called Jim Bakker to see how he’s feeling about this. He says that if we don’t send him 6 million dollars by noon tomorrow, God is going to raise Falwell from the dead on Thursday. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/100 "2007-05-15T23:17:08Z")
[QUOTE=Roonwit] I just called Jim Bakker to see how he’s feeling about this. He says that if we don’t send him 6 million dollars by noon tomorrow, God is going to raise Falwell from the dead on Thursday. [/QUOTE] . . . Will his bank take a wire transfer?! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198.md?page=6)