# Jerry Falwell near death! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 15, 2007, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198 "2007-05-15T16:54:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/161 "2007-05-17T00:39:57Z")
[QUOTE=Rube E. Tewesday] According to Tucker Carlson, Al Sharpton doesn’t hate white people, he hates white liberals. This is some evidence in favour of that theory, I suppose. [/QUOTE] Weirdest damned brain-fart just now: I read this, read the name right and everything, but all I could think of was [AL](http://www.hbo.com/news/img/252x190/al_swearengen_081606_252x19.jpg) doesn’t hate white liberals. He hate’s Pinkertons and people who piss him off." Then a quick head shake made me go “Sharpton… not Swearengen… different Als..”. Of course now I have visions of _DEADWOOD_ starring Al Sharpton. (In this week’s episode: Bullock must apologize to Sharpton for his comments about nappy headed Navahos.) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/162 "2007-05-17T00:51:55Z")
I’m having a sudden inspiration. Once he’s planted, send a team in to the cemetary late at night with a truck full of lumber. Build a nice solid wooden platform over the grave. And dance! Everybody dance! Fucker will probably be in a big mausoleum – but maybe big enough to lay down a platform inside! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/163 "2007-05-17T00:54:01Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I’m having a sudden inspiration. Once he’s planted, send a team in to the cemetary late at night with a truck full of lumber. Build a nice solid wooden platform over the grave. And dance! Everybody dance! [/QUOTE] I’d be more inclined to just bring in one piece of lumber. A pointy piece. Just to make sure he doesn’t rise from the grave… ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/164 "2007-05-17T02:01:37Z")
_grumblegrumble_ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/165 "2007-05-17T12:22:12Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I’m having a sudden inspiration. Once he’s planted, send a team in to the cemetary late at night with a truck full of lumber. Build a nice solid wooden platform over the grave. And dance! Everybody dance! Fucker will probably be in a big mausoleum – but maybe big enough to lay down a platform inside! [/QUOTE] I was thinking of a wooden outhouse… ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/166 "2007-05-17T13:05:53Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Weirdest damned brain-fart just now: I read this, read the name right and everything, but all I could think of was [AL](http://www.hbo.com/news/img/252x190/al_swearengen_081606_252x19.jpg) doesn’t hate white liberals. He hate’s Pinkertons and people who piss him off." Then a quick head shake made me go “Sharpton… not Swearengen… different Als..”. Of course now I have visions of _DEADWOOD_ starring Al Sharpton. (In this week’s episode: Bullock must apologize to Sharpton for his comments about nappy headed Navahos.) [/QUOTE] Damn, and now that’s on my mind. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/167 "2007-05-17T17:42:40Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Man. Christopher’s grief is causing him to say some harsh things. I just hope he forgives himself. [/QUOTE] Wow. I tend to seesaw between loving and hating Hitchens. I think this will put me in the ‘love’ column for awhile… ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/168 "2007-05-17T19:31:41Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Of course, Libertarians (as distinct from and contrary to liberals 😉 ) bring **their** consciences into the public square, too – consciences in which personal freedom (from government interference) is the supreme value to be applied whatever the cost. [/QUOTE] Puh-leeze. This is the same fallacy as the claim that requiring government institutions to be religiously neutral (e.g. abolishing institutional school prayer) infringes on the “religious liberty” of the people who were favored by the particular religious bias the government had been practicing. (The difference is that the people advancing that argument are mostly cynical hacks, and I think you are falling into the same fallacy through honest error.) ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/169 "2007-05-17T20:33:05Z")
When I firts heard about Falwell’s passing, this scenario came to me: God suddenly appears in Jerry’s office: God: Ok Jerry, enough of your shit, let’s go. Jerry: Uh oh, you’re rea…Thump. Anyway, these things come in 3’s, who’s going with him? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/170 "2007-05-17T21:00:41Z")
[QUOTE=Lanzy] When I firts heard about Falwell’s passing, this scenario came to me: God suddenly appears in Jerry’s office: God: Ok Jerry, enough of your shit, let’s go. Jerry: Uh oh, you’re rea…Thump. Anyway, these things come in 3’s, who’s going with him? [/QUOTE] Well, Roberston and Dobson would be the trifecta but the trope is only that famous people die in threes, not that they have to have anything particularly in common. Vonnegut went a couple of weeks ago, maybe he counts as one of them. Number three could be somebody just as random. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/171 "2007-05-17T21:16:39Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Well, Roberston and Dobson would be the trifecta but the trope is only that famous people die in threes, not that they have to have anything particularly in common. Vonnegut went a couple of weeks ago, maybe he counts as one of them. Number three could be somebody just as random. [/QUOTE] Yolanda King (daughter of MLK & Coretta Scott King) died the same day as Falwell, and was also a Baptist, albeit a liberal and very pro-gay Baptist. I think she also split with the _Southern_ Baptists over the same issues that caused Jimmy Carter and others to depart and that Falwell championed. (It caused some confusion in a couple of radio reports who identified her as also anti-gay and Baptist, but it’s her sister Bernice who’s anti-gay. Yolanda gave keynote speeches at gay fundraisers and was rumored to be openly closeted. [Strangely, none of MLK’s children have ever married or produced children.]) Nobody else noteworthy so far. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/172 "2007-05-17T21:49:44Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Yolanda King (daughter of MLK & Coretta Scott King) died the same day as Falwell, and was also a Baptist, albeit a liberal and very pro-gay Baptist. I think she also split with the _Southern_ Baptists over the same issues that caused Jimmy Carter and others to depart and that Falwell championed. (It caused some confusion in a couple of radio reports who identified her as also anti-gay and Baptist, but it’s her sister Bernice who’s anti-gay. Yolanda gave keynote speeches at gay fundraisers and was rumored to be openly closeted. [Strangely, none of MLK’s children have ever married or produced children.]) Nobody else noteworthy so far. [/QUOTE] Tammy Faye is in the late stages of lung cancer right now too. She became very gay-friendly and (I think) geninely compassionate and inclusive in her faith after the PTL scandal. My opinion of her changed dramatically over the years. I went from thinking she was just another cynical televangelist bigot into thinking she actually has a good heart and _mirabile dictu_, is truly a sincere, compassionate and non-judgemental Christian. A televangelist is about the last person you’d expect to actually practice Christianity but truth is stranger than fiction. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/173 "2007-05-17T22:03:11Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] … Yolanda gave keynote speeches at gay fundraisers and was rumored to be openly closeted. … [/QUOTE] Openly closeted? Is that like “Don’t ask, don’t tell”? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/174 "2007-05-18T00:32:39Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] Openly closeted? Is that like “Don’t ask, don’t tell”? [/QUOTE] Examples of the openly closeted are Anderson Cooper, Jodie Foster, Robbie Williams, etc.. Basically they’re rumored to be, never have their names linked with a member of the opposite sex, are seen in the company of people of the same sex in domestic or date-like scenaria, and though they do not ‘come out’ neither do they deny when outright asked but usually respond with an “I don’t talk about that aspect of my life” comment. Openly closeted is usually the final step before openly gay. Although, I can think of one actor who was considered openly closeted but was actually a closeted straight guy. [Dan Futterman](http://imdb.com/name/nm0001246/) of _Judging Amy_ and a multi-part _Will & Grace_ and award winning screenwriter for _Capote_ was thought to be gay and answered the “I don’t answer that because I don’t want the public to know anything of my private life as I play both gay and straight roles and don’t want them to have preconceived notions of me as either” response, but in fact he’s straight and has kids with his girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/175 "2007-05-18T01:42:38Z")
I can’t provide a cite yet though I’m sure one will be on the Internet soon, but _Entertainment Tonight_ reports that Falwell’s personal estate is worth over $10 million with an additional $40 million in life insurance policies. The beneficiaries of the life insurance policies- whether family members, the ministry, the college, or some combination thereof- are unknown (at least to ET- I’m still wondering how the death of a minister is Entertainment) but my guess is ministry/college. Even for a 25 year old in absolutely perfect health a $40 million life insurance policy would have to cost millions, so it was probably paid for by ministry/college funds to benefit the ministry/college. There are thousands of public universities with endowments nowhere remotely close to $40 million, so it’s a good move actually. Jesus just left a robe. Falwell totally did ministry better than Jesus. But then, _Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication_ (don’t ya get me wrong…). ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/176 "2007-05-18T01:54:48Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Falwell totally did ministry better than Jesus. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but Jesus totally nailed (ha!) the KMFDM sound… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/177 "2007-05-18T01:57:13Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] I’m still wondering how the death of a minister is Entertainment [/QUOTE] It seems to be entertaining plenty of people in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/178 "2007-05-18T05:05:29Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I was thinking of a wooden outhouse… [/QUOTE] Homo humpatorium! Play safe, y’all. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/179 "2007-05-18T06:31:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Jodie Foster. [/QUOTE] How… _dare_ you?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2007, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198/180 "2007-05-18T13:22:14Z")
[QUOTE=Roonwit] I just called Jim Bakker to see how he’s feeling about this. He says that if we don’t send him 6 million dollars by noon tomorrow, God is going to raise Falwell from the dead on Thursday. [/QUOTE] I’ve got PayPal! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-falwell-near-death/404198.md?page=8)