# Jerry is a God indeed (and Tuba ain't half bad neither) **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [April 14, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895 "2001-04-14T00:19:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/1 "2001-04-14T00:19:25Z")
After reading the [newest bandwidth announcement](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/announcement.php?forumid=2), I now want to have a full sex-change operation and bear Jerry’s babies. Thanks, Jerry. Thanks, Tuba. Thanks, Ed. And thanks to the _Reader_. Y’all are the greatest. -andros- 3124 ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/2 "2001-04-14T03:19:33Z")
Amen, brother. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/3 "2001-04-14T03:52:51Z")
Thank you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/4 "2001-04-14T11:28:35Z")
Thank you thank you thank you! ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/5 "2001-04-14T11:46:04Z")
“Amen Brother” You almost had to say “Amen Sister” :eek: Boy this thing is fast. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/6 "2001-04-14T12:11:20Z")
Holy guacamole! I’ve never seen the boards run so fast! Muchas Gracias! ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/7 "2001-04-14T13:03:53Z")
Forget Jerry–I wanna have the babies of whoever at the _Reader_ authorized the moolah to make the upgrade. And I don’t need a sex change operation to do it, either. ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/8 "2001-04-14T13:14:05Z")
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/9 "2001-04-14T13:17:05Z")
It’s a Mazda Board: ZOOM, ZOOM! ---
**Author:** ![jdavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f6c823/32.png) [@jdavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jdavis)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/10 "2001-04-14T18:36:36Z")
Hmmmm…I don’t want to be a downer on everyone’s happiness but I doubt there is going to be much improvement in message board speed due to yesterday’s work. What most people are seeing in the speed department is how SDMB operates under the lighter load of a weekend. Nothing has really changed except we moved IP ranges for the web servers in preparation for bringing together two T-1s that we have instead of the single T-1 that has been allocated to [straightdope.com](http://straightdope.com). That work will most likely continue throughout April and May. At the end of May there will be more communications bandwidth for [straightdope.com](http://straightdope.com) to use but unfortunately the slowness people experience at peaks times during the week is due to the processing power of the server and the over 1 GB size of the database. What do you get when you have too many people trying to use too few resources? Well, in more ancient times anthropologists would say you get WARFARE _lol_…but I’ll just rely on Queuing Theory which says you get long wait times. SDMB is demonstrating this quite well. We are aware of the slow performance of the SDMB web server when it is under load. Not to dismiss everyone’s concerns about the message board slowness but if we view things in perspective last year at about this time we had a message board that crashed daily because the code did not scale well to increased utilization. The message board required about one to two hours of attention after each crash to bring it back to life. I’m actually happy to say that I’m aware of only one instance in the last year in which vBulletin crashed. I was able to fix that from home with about two hours of work. So we’ve had over 100% growth in SDMB usage since we switched from uBB to vBulletin during the last year which has brought us once again to a condition of slow. Before the move to vBulletin we had both slow and erroneous. We’re making some progress. Jerry ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/11 "2001-04-14T20:54:02Z")
> [@](#): > > What most people are seeing in the speed department is how SDMB operates under the lighter load of a weekend. Trust me. I’ve been haunting these halls a few weekends since I’ve joined. I’ve seen **SLOWER**! Maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe it’s because of the _Easter_ weekend. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/12 "2001-04-15T16:48:20Z")
Well, the acid test, as always, will be Monday–Monday morning at 9 a.m., Monday at noon, Monday afternoon between 2 and 5 p.m., and Monday evening between 7 and 9. After that, we’ll have to wait till next Friday afternoon for the true, the real, the ultimate crash test of the new server, the dull office doldrums between “I just got back from lunch” and “it’s time to go home”. P.S. Aw, Jerry, don’t be such a spoilsport, let these simple souls have their tiny moment of happiness before the tumbrils arrive to cart them away to Slow Message Board Hell. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/13 "2001-04-15T23:10:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \* > \*\* Aw, Jerry, don’t be such a spoilsport, let these simple souls have their tiny moment of happiness before the tumbrils arrive to cart them away to Slow Message Board Hell. 😃 > > \*\* Ah, bet Jerry was just spooked over the idea of **Andros** pregnant with his babies. He’s funny like that. Veb ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/14 "2001-04-16T14:30:46Z")
Thanks for all your hard work. I really appreciate it 🙂 Zette ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/15 "2001-04-16T18:43:53Z")
**jdavis** sed: > [@](#): > > We’re making some progress. And that’s all I could ask for. Hell, I’m an NT admin for the gummint–I know _allll_ about lengthy processes. > [@](#): > > Ah, bet Jerry was just spooked over the idea of Andros pregnant with his babies. He’s funny like that. You got something to say to me, **Veb** , you just come out and say it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/16 "2001-04-17T12:07:55Z")
Okay, the results from yesterday’s Monday afternoon acid test were not promising–back to “very slow”, even on the new computer with the 56K modem (the old computer with the 14400 was, as usual, timing out, “server not found”). When it’s 3 p.m. in Illinois, it’s Tuesday morning “back to work” time Down Under, isn’t it? So at the same time everybody here is fooling around during the 3 p.m. slump, everybody on the other side of the world is just checking in at work. But, it’s still a little better than it was, so we are properly grateful for small blessings. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/17 "2001-04-17T21:25:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jdavis \* > **Hmmmm…I don’t want to be a downer on everyone’s happiness but I doubt there is going to be much improvement in message board speed due to yesterday’s work.** You got that right. Today was one of the worst I’ve ever seen. > [@](#): > > **What do you get when you have too many people trying to use too few resources? Well, in more ancient times anthropologists would say you get WARFARE _lol_…but I’ll just rely on Queuing Theory which says you get long wait times. SDMB is demonstrating this quite well.** It reminds me of Disneyland on New Year’s Eve. You’re there all day long and you get to ride only two or three of the really popular rides. Today, I’ve been here since 10:30 AM PDT, and I’ve visted a grand total of ten threads, counting this one. Three times, I got the “document contains no data” notice. It took **25 minutes** for one thread (“Sci-Fi Cliches” in MPSIMS) to open. I rarely use “Preview” any more. > [@](#): > > **last year at about this time we had a message board that crashed daily because the code did not scale well to increased utilization. The message board required about one to two hours of attention after each crash to bring it back to life.** Don’t remind me. I’m still suffering from the flashbacks… _“Incoming–!!!”_ “It’s just thunder, Rambo.” > [@](#): > > **I’m actually happy to say that I’m aware of only one instance in the last year in which vBulletin crashed. I was able to fix that from home with about two hours of work. So we’ve had over 100% growth in SDMB usage since we switched from uBB to vBulletin during the last year which has brought us once again to a condition of slow. Before the move to vBulletin we had both slow and erroneous. We’re making some progress.** vBulletin rules, uBB drools. ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/18 "2001-04-17T23:39:18Z")
Looks like the Mazda Board is running out of gas:D (and I’ve got DSL; I can imagine what a 14000 or 28000 modem experience can be like). ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/19 "2001-04-18T12:34:38Z")
Take it from me, a 14400 modem experience is called “giving up and settling down with a good book”. 😃 Things are slick as a whistle between 6 a.m. and about 9 or 10 a.m. Central Time, however. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895/20 "2001-04-18T12:36:43Z")
[oooh, the Flood Control screen! I hardly even recognize it!] Er, slick as a whistle with a _56K modem_… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jerry-is-a-god-indeed-and-tuba-aint-half-bad-neither/61895.md?page=2)