# Jessica Alba and the world's ugliest panties **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 23, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841 "2005-03-23T04:24:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/1 "2005-03-23T04:24:24Z")
I just saw the new issue of GQ. Jessica Alba is looking as good as she ever has. But the panties. Seriously, these are the [ugliest](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00001m.jpg) [panties](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00004m.jpg)[ever.](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00006m.jpg) They’re so ugly they look bad on Jessica Alba’s ass. [[MODERATOR WARNING: THESE ARE NOT WORK-SAFE!!!]] ---
**Author:** ![Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f19dbf/32.png) [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Only_Mostly_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/2 "2005-03-23T04:30:53Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > They’re so ugly they look bad on Jessica Alba’s ass. But by explicitly attempting to draw attention away from such a magnificent derriere with hideous underwear, the mind works extra hard to imagine said bottom with the offensive panties removed. It’s brilliant! And I’m guessing this thread will be locked as “objectionable” by the morning. Not making any value judgment of my own, just stating a prediction. The pictures are definitely getting into the two-click territory. Og bless them. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/3 "2005-03-23T04:36:17Z")
The only remedy is for her to get out of them immediately. Or me into them. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/4 "2005-03-23T04:53:35Z")
I never wanted to be a pair of ugly panties before. Another personal milestone. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/5 "2005-03-23T05:12:32Z")
There’s panties in those photographs? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/6 "2005-03-23T05:20:33Z")
My mom has those… Shading her living room windows. What, was it too hard to find some thong for her, or at least something skintight? ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/7 "2005-03-23T05:21:52Z")
They’re puffy panties. Same designer that made the [puffy shirt](http://img60.exs.cx/img60/4718/puffyshirt.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/8 "2005-03-23T05:30:01Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > But the panties. Seriously, these are the [ugliest](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00001m.jpg) [panties](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00004m.jpg)[ever.](http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/gq/feature/031505ALBA/00006m.jpg) They’re so ugly they look bad on Jessica Alba’s ass. I’m sorry, but the concepts of “ugly” and “Jessica Alba’s ass” simply cannot be associated, even by physical proximity. It’s the esthetic equivalent of division by zero. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/9 "2005-03-23T11:42:45Z")
> [@mack](#): > > They’re puffy panties. > > Same designer that made the [puffy shirt](http://img60.exs.cx/img60/4718/puffyshirt.jpg). I’m pretty sure they’re actually a shower cap. Yeah, I’m female and I looked. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/10 "2005-03-23T11:44:08Z")
Moderator notes: while the links are not exactly nudity, they’re certainly not workplace-safe. Many of our members read the Message Boards at work, or at home with small children. Our rule is that any link to nudity must require a double-click – in case someone clicks on the link accidentally, for instance. While the links that **Little Nemo** provided are not technically nudity, but the model is certainly topless with back turned. I’ve put in the warning that this is NOT “workplace safe.” It was borderline whether to delete or not, as the pictures/link are kind of skirting (heh) the issue. However, in future, it would have been better to have linked to a more neutral website and included in you post, “Note photos 0001, 0004 and 0006” … for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/11 "2005-03-23T11:46:38Z")
> [@](#): > > [[MODERATOR WARNING: THESE ARE NOT WORK-SAFE!!!]] What do you mean they’re not work safe? They’re from GQ. I could go to a newsstand, get the magazine, and read it right in front of my boss and all of my coworkers without hearing a peep. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/12 "2005-03-23T12:04:49Z")
They remind me of my grandma’s living room lampshades. ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/13 "2005-03-23T12:46:34Z")
You were looking at the panties? ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/14 "2005-03-23T13:01:06Z")
I think they look nice from behind, they’ve just got too much material in front. (What?) –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/15 "2005-03-23T13:02:08Z")
Let’s be honest with ourselves. These panties would look just as good on the floor next to the bed as any of Jessica’s other panties. ---
**Author:** ![archmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@archmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/archmichael)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/16 "2005-03-23T13:16:33Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > I’m sorry, but the concepts of “ugly” and “Jessica Alba’s ass” simply cannot be associated, even by physical proximity. It’s the esthetic equivalent of division by zero. If she was wearing a burlap sack as panties, they would by definition be the sexiest panties in the world. To claim otherwise, is to tread close to heresy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/17 "2005-03-23T13:22:43Z")
I’m sorry, I seem to have been distracted by something… what were we discussing again? ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/18 "2005-03-23T13:26:12Z")
They’re a period style. They’re deliberately old-fashioned-looking. But I wouldn’t call them ugly, and I do think their out-of-step style makes Ms. Alba look very good. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/19 "2005-03-23T13:26:39Z")
There’a an awful lot of room in the front…they must really be men’s panties. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/20 "2005-03-23T13:26:54Z")
What the heck does she have in her belly-button? Looks like a white Good ‘n’ Plenty… which is kinda funny, but still… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841.md?page=2)