# Jessica Alba and the world's ugliest panties **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 23, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841 "2005-03-23T04:24:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/21 "2005-03-23T13:31:10Z")
The main issue is that they are cut too low, which really doesn’t accentuate–and in fact fights the natural lines of the human body. If they hooked up around the hip bone there wouldn’t be the poofyness in the front. - Yes I am male and heterosexual, but I also can look at scantily clad women and chew bubble gum at the same time. It appears to be one of my superhuman traits granted to me after evolving from an ape. \* ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/22 "2005-03-23T13:50:32Z")
Oh, I see the problem, those aren’t panties, silly! They’re rubber protecters for use with cloth diapers, hence the extra poofiness. ---
**Author:** ![lachesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@lachesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lachesis)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/23 "2005-03-23T13:53:26Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > - Yes I am male and heterosexual, but I also can look at scantily clad women and chew bubble gum at the same time. It appears to be one of my superhuman traits granted to me after evolving from an ape. \* thanks for the laugh this morning – it was muchly needed. also sounds like a major sig-line in the making. (i’m still a Jessica Alba fan from the Dark Angel days, which is why i’m even in this thread. and yes, i looked. i’ve seen hellava worse in the way of underwear out there. they weren’t anything _i’d_ ever wear, but they don’t some even close to the heinousness of those men’s whatever-wear that are shaped to look like an elephant’s head, with the trunk alledgedly providing a home for a much-fantasized appendage. don’t truth in packaging laws cover items like that? or is this classified under “Fantasy Wear” – as in somebody’s doing some world-class wishful thinking.) ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/24 "2005-03-23T14:12:47Z")
I think they’re kind of cute in the front, but they’d bunch up in the back. Jessica Alba would look good in anything though, so I wouldn’t say the panties are unflattering on her. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/25 "2005-03-23T15:55:49Z")
Sorry, Dex, I figured that if they could print a picture on the cover of GQ it was okay to link to it. But damn those are ugly panties. ---
**Author:** ![VenusProbe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e495f1/32.png) [@VenusProbe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VenusProbe)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/26 "2005-03-23T16:12:59Z")
I actually like those, on her… I don’t think they would look good on my wife though. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/27 "2005-03-23T16:32:23Z")
I think they’re cute, in a vintage sort of a way. They look like the panties that came with old-style babydoll jammies. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/28 "2005-03-23T16:57:48Z")
Her ass looks spectacular in those pictures. As far as I’m concerned, the panties do nothing to hide the beauty that is Jessica Alba’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/29 "2005-03-23T17:14:19Z")
> [@Airman Doors](#): > > What do you mean they’re not work safe? They’re from GQ. I could go to a newsstand, get the magazine, and read it right in front of my boss and all of my coworkers without hearing a peep. Well, yeah, magazines are classy and informational, but anythign on that thar inner nets is filthy and bad for the kiddies! [paraphrased by half the people I’ve ever met older than me] ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/30 "2005-03-23T17:17:13Z")
Anything covering her ass is by default, ugly. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/31 "2005-03-23T18:58:35Z")
I’m going to have to agree, those panties are ugly. \ So is Jessica’s new hair. Ech. \ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/32 "2005-03-23T19:03:42Z")
> [@Jess](#): > > I think they’re cute, in a vintage sort of a way. They look like the panties that came with old-style babydoll jammies. That’s what I think. I’d definitely buy a pair. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/33 "2005-03-23T19:04:09Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > \ So is Jessica’s new hair. Ech. \ Funny you should say that. I almost mentioned in my last post that I kinda dig her hair in those pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/34 "2005-03-23T21:48:13Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > I’m going to have to agree, those panties are ugly. > > \ So is Jessica’s new hair. Ech. \ I’m with you on the hair - brunette works much better for her, I think. The panties…not terrible, not wonderful. A little odd, at most. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/35 "2005-03-23T22:28:36Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > That’s what I think. I’d definitely buy a pair. My mom had a set of babydolls with panties like that when I was a kid. I _loved_ that nightie. It was the classic style with chiffon gathered to a little yoke. Sunny yellow with orange… So pretty. I wish she still had them, I’d steal them from her. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/36 "2005-03-23T22:39:23Z")
The panties look OK to me. I’d wear 'em. But I sure wish she’d left her hair alone. Doesn’t the world have enough bouffant blonde bimbos already? Jessica Alba looked great with sleek, dark brown hair. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/37 "2005-03-24T00:23:20Z")
> [@Fiver](#): > > They’re a period style. \ Ah, that explains the big granny panties. ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/38 "2005-03-24T00:43:46Z")
Rule of thumb, then: junk _in_ the trunk, not junk _on_ the trunk. And while I do think she looks better as a brunette, her hair is probably blonde because it’s that way in _Sin City_ and _Fantastic Four_, her two big movies this year. (Hair and panties aside…heh…I think she looks better now than she did on _Dark Angel_ – James Cameron likes his eye candy with more muscle than I do.) ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/39 "2005-03-24T01:22:52Z")
In this thread (with great links, I might add) it seems like everyone ( at least the guys) is just trying to get the opportunity to say “Jessica Alba” and “panties”. It reminds me of the SPAM song > [@](#): > > Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! > Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam! > Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam. > > Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. > Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. > Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. > Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. > > Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!) > Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!) > Lovely Spaaam! > > Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam! Someone better at it than me can change the word spam above to some combination of “Jessica Alba”, “panties”, and “ass” and form a delicious new song. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/40 "2005-03-24T03:26:42Z")
Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ugly Paaanties! Wonderful Assss! Ugly Paaanties! Wonderful Ass! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841.md?page=3)