# Jessica Alba and the world's ugliest panties **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 23, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841 "2005-03-23T04:24:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/41 "2005-03-24T03:34:13Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! > Ugly Paaanties! Wonderful Assss! > Ugly Paaanties! Wonderful Ass! The meter doesn’t seem right. It would probably go better to “Badgers”: Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties Jessica Alba Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties Jessica Alba Ass, it’s an ass, oh, what an ass Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties Jessica Alba Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties Jessica Alba ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/42 "2005-03-24T03:54:15Z")
The panties look like rubber pants you put on babies. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/43 "2005-03-24T03:59:04Z")
Panties? What are these panties of which you speak? Oh. You mean the Assviewblockers. Those things that kept me from seeing the entirety of the ass in question. Yeah, those do suck…about as much as anything else that comes between my eyes and Jessica Alba’s ass. And now that I’ve expended my remaining brainpower on the subject, I ask that you, er, excuse me for a moment. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/44 "2005-03-24T04:03:37Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > The panties look OK to me. I’d wear 'em. > > But I sure wish she’d left her hair alone. Doesn’t the world have enough bouffant blonde bimbos already? Jessica Alba looked great with sleek, dark brown hair. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. She did a radio interview here in Atlanta this morning. She said she dyed her hair for a movie she did recently and the next movie - Sin City - wanted her to keep the look. ---
**Author:** ![Sandlegs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@Sandlegs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sandlegs)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/45 "2005-03-24T04:26:05Z")
so…uhh…hey. What brand of panties are those for anyone in the know? (I’m serious) ---
**Author:** ![MisterThyristor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@MisterThyristor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterThyristor)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/46 "2005-03-24T06:27:58Z")
I vote with those who think the panties are supposed to have a retro look, like the baby doll pajama bottoms. If you can tear your eyes away from the main subject matter (and I agree it’s difficult), notice the TV in the corner of the first picture. TVs haven’t been sold in cabinets since, when, the early 60s maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/47 "2005-03-24T07:07:05Z")
> [@MisterThyristor](#): > > I vote with those who think the panties are supposed to have a retro look, like the baby doll pajama bottoms. AKA drawers, AKA bloomers. Googling led me to find that they were invented specifically to be a set of underwear that could be viewed (from under the petticoats) without worry. Unfortunately, this was the only piece of anything of interest I found and never even a hint of bodacious babes actually wearing any–even though I am certain I have seen some very nice examples (much better than this.) Perhaps I shall try again…it seems a noble pursuit. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/48 "2005-03-24T07:12:19Z")
I think the butt of them are cute. The front, notsomuch. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/49 "2005-03-24T17:38:11Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > The meter doesn’t seem right. It would probably go better to “Badgers”: > > Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties > Jessica Alba > Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties > Jessica Alba > Ass, it’s an ass, oh, what an ass > Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties > Jessica Alba > Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties > Jessica Alba I would love to see the flash cartoon that goes with this. Someone make it. Please! ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/50 "2005-03-24T17:49:36Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > My mom has those… Shading her living room windows. > > What, was it too hard to find some thong for her, or at least something skintight? Who, your mom? > [@Jess](#): > > My mom had a set of babydolls with panties like that when I was a kid. I loved that nightie. It was the classic style with chiffon gathered to a little yoke. Sunny yellow with orange… So pretty. I wish she still had them, I’d steal them from her. Look, anyone who can’t participate in a thread about Alba’s panties, without bringing up their Mom – HOWEVER TANGENTIALLY IT MAY BE – should stay out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/51 "2005-03-25T06:17:35Z")
At least they’re staying off of _your_ mom, **Trunk**. (That was my attempt at guy humour - whaddya think?) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/52 "2005-03-25T12:26:06Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > At least they’re staying off of _your_ mom, **Trunk**. > > (That was my attempt at guy humour - whaddya think?) Kind of weak. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/53 "2005-03-25T12:38:34Z")
> [@Sandlegs](#): > > so…uhh…hey. What brand of panties are those for anyone in the know? (I’m serious) According to the “Where to buy it” page in the back of my copy of this issue of GQ (the only issue I’ve ever purchased, and purchased only because the cover depicted Jessica Alba in panties, ugly or no)… > [@](#): > > **Cover** : Culottes: La Perla Black Label, at La Perla, nationwide. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/54 "2005-03-25T13:45:52Z")
A quick Google search (conducted from home) indicates that La Perla makes some darn goofy-looking underwear. Pretty, pretty models. Goofy underwear. Guess it’s supposed to inspire the guy to get that weird stuff the heck off the woman, but that silk envelope G-string would look darn funny under a skirt. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/55 "2005-03-25T14:09:08Z")
Let me take MY opportunity to bring up panties and Jessica Alba by (a) mentioning my own “X-steps-of-separation” story, by which in 1999-2000 I worked in a campaign where our press secretary was the brother of one of _Dark Angel_’s writers, and (b) that la Perla rather obviously makes garments that are NOT meant to be worn **under** real clothes, but to be worn in plain sight (for, oh, about a minute and a half…) Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties, Jessica Alba’s panties. So there. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/56 "2005-03-25T17:48:12Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Kind of weak. Sorry. ::Sigh:: Okay, back to the drawing board. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/57 "2005-03-25T20:12:35Z")
They’re sure as hell not a threat to the thong in the “sexy” department. Ugly, yeah, they’re ugly. They look like granny panties except they’re cut too short. ---
**Author:** ![Shana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Shana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shana)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841/58 "2005-03-25T20:17:43Z")
I think they’re rather fetching in a “Little Boo Peep Lost Her Sheep And The Rest Of Her Clothes” kind of way…Besides, she has an incredible body. Who would even notice the panties?? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jessica-alba-and-the-worlds-ugliest-panties/295841.md?page=2)