# Jesus Christ! He's an Action Figure! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2004, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488 "2004-08-19T01:13:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/21 "2004-08-21T01:51:41Z")
From **lisacurl’s** link: > [@](#): > > Sport Statue - Football $19.95 . But no hockey statue? I mean, we all know the guy can already walk on water! :dubious: Tripler Sorta takes the whole ‘Hail Mary’ think to a whole new level. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/22 "2004-08-21T04:26:32Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > From **lisacurl’s** link: > > . But no hockey statue? I mean, we all know the guy can already walk on water! :dubious: > > Tripler > Sorta takes the whole ‘Hail Mary’ think to a whole new level. Well, considering what the [golf statue](http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3984.jpg) looks like, I’m not sure I’d want to see a hockey statue. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/23 "2004-08-21T05:10:05Z")
I seem to remember seeing some “rejected” Jesus sports statues on Leno, or Letterman. They had things like “Jesus getting picked last for school soccer,” “Jesus getting plastered in dodgeball,” and whatnot. Kinda like the “Tragic Moments” hummel figurines they had on MST3k, about a thousand years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/24 "2004-08-21T06:09:34Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Well, considering what the [golf statue](http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3984.jpg) looks like, I’m not sure I’d want to see a hockey statue. Well whaddya know, I guess I just didn’t look at the second page. I guess there [is a hockey statuetee](http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3978.jpg) after all. " . . . and Jesus in goal facing a breakaway from The Great One–no, the mortal Great One, and he’s screaming down the ice! Red line, blue line, it’s nobody but the Almighty one in the crease and the Great One with the puck! Wrist shot, kick save by the Son of God! But the puck is still loose in front of the net. Gretzky picks it up, another wrist shot–top shelf, SCORE!" It just goes to show you, Jesus saves, but Gretzky scores. Tripler I’m going to bed now. If there’s a lighting-burn mark on my mattress, oh well. I’ve been smitten. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/25 "2004-08-21T10:14:15Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Well whaddya know, I guess I just didn’t look at the second page. I guess there [is a hockey statuetee](http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3978.jpg) after all. Christ isn’t wearing a helmet! Who does he think he is, Craig MacTavish? At the very least, he should have a helmet of thorns on. What a bad example for the kids. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/26 "2004-08-21T10:39:25Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > But no hockey statue? I mean, we all know the guy can already walk on water! :dubious: No, no, that explains why there’s no _swimming_ statue 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/27 "2004-08-22T06:22:22Z")
I like [these](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/) even more than the Jesus sports figurines. [blessed are the carpet layers, for they have known lower-back pain](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/imagesJPG/CarpetLayer.JPG) [I guess you can’t really expect the Messiah to wave devil horns](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/imagesJPG/Guitarist.JPG) [So we were studying, and Jesus was totally looking down my shirt](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/imagesJPG/student.JPG) [just unspeakably freaky](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/imagesJPG/Clown.JPG) ---
**Author:** ![Spree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Spree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spree)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/28 "2004-08-22T13:46:25Z")
> [@lisacurl](#): > > I like [these](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/) even more than the Jesus sports figurines. Jesus needs to get his lazy ass in gear and help that poor old farmer tote that bale of hay. Oh, and thanks - I _will_ have nightmares about that clown. :shudder: ---
**Author:** ![PussyCow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/22d042/32.png) [@PussyCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PussyCow)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/29 "2004-08-22T13:46:30Z")
I have a Jesus Christ action figure in my office. I put a sticker on the box that says “with leper healing action” ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/30 "2004-08-22T15:32:08Z")
Holy crap, Jesus looks extrememly freaky in those pictures! And also, the fact that the clown is in color just adds to the overall freakiness. Who draws these things, honestly? Although, I wouldn’t mind seeing Jesus watching over a prostitute or something. Or scuba diving. ---
**Author:** ![AdmiralCrunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@AdmiralCrunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AdmiralCrunch)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/31 "2004-08-22T15:59:11Z")
[The Ultimate Jesus.](http://www.jesuschristsuperstore.net/lfigurespages/lfjesus.html) Check out the rest of the site, plenty of blasphemy to go around. On a side note, my friend and I are proud owners of Jesus Action Figures from the mcphee line and we would have battles to determine the “Evil Lord of the Galaxy.” ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/32 "2004-08-22T16:15:27Z")
[Lego Jesus](http://www.thebricktestament.com/) ---
**Author:** ![partlycloudy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/partlycloudy/32/3114_2.png) [@partlycloudy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partlycloudy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/33 "2004-08-22T16:48:49Z")
I have a [Dashboard Monk](http://www.mcphee.com/amusements/current/11055.html) myself. Makes road trips more interesting. “Enlightenment on a spring!” ---
**Author:** ![Berserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Berserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berserker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/34 "2004-08-22T18:16:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Ranchoth** > I seem to remember seeing some “rejected” Jesus sports statues on Leno, or Letterman. They had things like “Jesus getting picked last for school soccer,” “Jesus getting plastered in dodgeball,” and whatnot. That was done on Conan. I also remember seeing Jesus playing wastebasket-ball (in which he hadn’t made any shots in) and Jesus stealing from Derek Jeter’s locker. ---
**Author:** ![partlycloudy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/partlycloudy/32/3114_2.png) [@partlycloudy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partlycloudy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/35 "2004-08-22T20:31:26Z")
> [@lisacurl](#): > > I like [these](http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/) even more than the Jesus sports figurines. Ick, that truck driver looks extremely uncomfortable! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488/36 "2004-08-22T20:47:35Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > The gliding one I think the OP speaks of, the company also markets a Freud figure _which I have_ and a Poe figure _which I haven’t yet seen in stores_ Friends gave me Action! Shakespeare for my birthday last spring, complete with little book and quill pen. The company is Accoutrements ([Archie McPhee Wholesale - Accoutrements Toys and Novelties](http://www.accoutrements.com/actionfigures)). He’s standing on the shelf just above my computer now with Bilbo Baggins, no doubt discussing their writing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-hes-an-action-figure/260488.md?page=1)