# Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 21, 2002, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229 "2002-10-21T14:13:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/1 "2002-10-21T14:13:34Z")
Last night as part of the Reel Affirmations Film Festival several friends and I went to see[Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0311361). It was obviously a very bad movie as the title implies but it was so bad it was great. Plan 9 from Outerspace doesn’t even hold a candle to this movie. The basic story involves Jesus (of course) kicking some Kung Fu vampire ass! Basically, the vampires are kidnapping lesbians (because lesbians are devious and no one would miss them) and turning them into vampires. Part of it has to do with using their skin for some reason which allows them to roam around the daylight. It wasn’t clear but it didn’t matter. The movie was just that good. Plus the musical scenes where Jesus sings about Revelations is just too funny. I liked how he rode the skateboard away in the crowd. My favourite scene involved the Kung Fu Atheists attacking Jesus. They just kept pouring out of an SUV like clowns come out of their little cars, surrounding Jesus and having him kick their collective asses. It was just too funny. Plus El Santo was mysteriously attractive, at least to the one bisexual/lesbian vampire whom he later took away in his plane in order to make little Santo’s. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/2 "2002-10-21T15:09:15Z")
YES! I’ve been looking forward to seeing this movie for so long I can taste it. Ever since I saw the writeup on [badmovies.org](http://badmovies.org), I’ve been sold. Is it ever going to see a video/dvd release? ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/3 "2002-10-21T15:33:26Z")
IMDB has links to [amazon.com](http://amazon.com) for it. I haven’t looked for it yet though. 😕 Hmmm maybe I should go over there sometime and see. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/4 "2002-10-21T17:22:20Z")
I’ve been aching to see this one as well. IMDB just has blank spots in the Amazon links, and it isn’t in the video store in town that has pretty much anything, and i haven’t seen it on ebay yet. **Tars Tarkas** , who is going to see the Garbage Pail Kids movie in a theater next month… ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/5 "2002-10-22T01:18:48Z")
I have never even heard of it. But I sometimes like bad movies and will have to try it if it comes around this way. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/6 "2003-10-28T06:20:26Z")
I have it coming from Netflix, but I just found out it has no subtitles. I’m dating a hearing impaired woman and I was really looking forward to watching it with her. I may end up watching it ahead of time and typing up subtitles on my own. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/7 "2003-10-28T13:09:12Z")
I bought it on DVD about four/five months ago, so it is on sale, just hard to find (most video stores don’t sell independant movies, especially really crappy [albeit, incredibly fun] independant movies). It’s a great little film, but the audio is completely terrible. It was obviously recorded on a second track, but still, that’s the only real problem with it. Acting, fight scenes, visual effects…well, they’re all what you’d expect from a silly independant film, but all in all, it’s a really awesome film if you like that kind of thing. And the girl who plays Mary Magnum is so damn adorable. I think my favorite part is: [SPOILER]When Jesus is fighting the big evil vampires and being shot on television, and shows up in the lab to kick the crap out of the evil scientist helping them. The scientist screams “But, you’re on live television, how can you be here?” to which Jesus responds… “I’m everywhere.”[/spoiler] Awesome movie. If you like cheesy schlock, you’ll love it. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/8 "2003-10-28T13:37:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > \*\*I have it coming from Netflix, but I just found out it has no subtitles. I’m dating a hearing impaired woman and I was really looking forward to watching it with her. I may end up watching it ahead of time and typing up subtitles on my own. \*\* At the very least, all DVDs come with Closed Captions, so you still should be able to watch it with her. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/9 "2003-10-28T14:02:44Z")
Ah, yes. God, I love this movie. I’ve probably watched it 3 times in the last 6 months. If I had to pick a favorite scene, it would have to be the part where Jesus confronts the kung fu guy with the staff. That part is awesome, particularly Phil Caracas’ gestures and facial expressions. Nothing like Jesus doing tough guy trash talk… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/10 "2003-10-28T19:23:56Z")
“And call your mother. She worries.” ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/11 "2003-10-28T22:36:32Z")
This is so very odd. I was talking about just this film the other yesterday with a friend. (We were talking about cheesy vampire films.) And lo and behold it is resurrected. The skateboard scene at the end of the musical number was hilarious. I still love this movie but don’t think I will be buying it anytime soon. ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/12 "2003-10-28T22:44:50Z")
This is so very odd. I was talking about just this film the other yesterday with a friend. (We were talking about cheesy vampire films.) And lo and behold it is resurrected. The skateboard scene at the end of the musical number was hilarious. I still love this movie but don’t think I will be buying it anytime soon. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/13 "2003-11-02T02:57:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Justin\_Bailey \* > \*\*At the very least, all DVDs come with Closed Captions, so you still should be able to watch it with her. \*\* It doesn’t have Closed Captioning either. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-spoilers/133229/14 "2004-05-01T12:45:39Z")
Just saw this yesterday. Sacrilicious!