# Jesus coming back ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 15, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649 "2006-02-15T17:03:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/1 "2006-02-15T17:03:51Z")
given the other “Jesus sent me a letter” msg, I came to think of the following … what do you think would be the catholic churches reaction if a guy would appear claiming that he is the “real” Jesus - just coming back to earth … lets assume that he could manage to get some media coverage - so this would be an “houshold” issue (or household person )… lets further assume the guy would REALLY be Jesus any thoughts, any guesses? cheers alfred ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/2 "2006-02-15T17:05:52Z")
> [@Al128](#): > > given the other “Jesus sent me a letter” msg, I came to think of the following … > what do you think would be the catholic churches reaction if a guy would appear cl Happens every day. They’re called “Loons”. The Catholics summon The Cookie Truck, same as everybody else. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/3 "2006-02-15T17:09:17Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Happens every day. > > They’re called “Loons”. > > The Catholics summon The Cookie Truck, same as everybody else. 😃 😉 Ah, but the OP goes on to specify that the ‘loon’ they were carting off to the bin really _is_ Jesus. What happens next? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/4 "2006-02-15T17:12:33Z")
A guy claiming to be _Jesus_?!? Christ. He’d be _crucified_. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/5 "2006-02-15T17:14:30Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > 😉 > > Ah, but the OP goes on to specify that the ‘loon’ they were carting off to the bin really _is_ Jesus. What happens next? Same thing as always–Thorazine & craft therapy. He’ll _adore_ basket weaving! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/6 "2006-02-15T17:19:16Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > 😉 > > Ah, but the OP goes on to specify that the ‘loon’ they were carting off to the bin really _is_ Jesus. What happens next? I think Jesus would get released from the hospital, asylum, etc, find a few more “crazies,” start a riot or two, and be brought up on criminal charges. He would have an excellent defence counsel appointed who would get him acquitted. Following the aquittal, he would be forgotten until he died of natural causes somewhere in St Petersburg, Florida. At this point he would rise from the dead only to find that the casket he was buried in was sealed and impossible for him to open from within. Jesus would then spend all of eternity buried in a graveyard just off of US 19. That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/7 "2006-02-15T17:20:36Z")
Most likely Mel Gibson would cast him in the life of Jim Caviezel. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/8 "2006-02-15T17:43:16Z")
IIRC, his second coming is scheduled to be somewhat more, uh, _emphatic_. He’s done with the Lamb of God stuff. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/9 "2006-02-15T17:47:59Z")
It’s not much of a debate, but it is a religious discussion, so I’m gonna resurrect this one in Great Debates. ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/10 "2006-02-15T20:01:16Z")
Somebody got a [Book Deal](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812522222/104-7209332-9580737?v=glance&n=283155) out of that question. Probably would make a pretty good movie. I enjoyed it. Nothing like dark Vatican hit squads to brighten up your day. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/11 "2006-02-15T20:12:30Z")
How it plays out all depends on whether the J-man, from his previous experience, has learned his lesson about the folly of turning the other cheek. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/12 "2006-02-15T20:24:12Z")
Lenny Bruce, in Christ and Moses, has exactly this happen, as Christ and Moses show up in Saint Pats. Cardinal Spellman to Pope John: What are we paying protection for, anyway? I love that bit. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/13 "2006-02-15T20:41:48Z")
I’ve often speculated on this. I suspect that he’d get born, announce his divinity, and get incarcerated, then die of old age. And come back again, and the same thing would happen. And again and again, until eventually he’d eventually get pissed off and decide he has to prove something. He’d do some kicking miracles - perhaps he would have a little word with Randi and do some remote prestidigitation just to get the skeptics on side. Then maybe his own TV show. Or a [musical](http://www.devilducky.com/media/40716/) (warning - may be offensive to some). ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/14 "2006-02-15T22:14:46Z")
I’d be he’d go to a place that had some culture reminiscent of his previous earthly life – a synagogue. Or maybe a Quaker meeting house where he could sit quietly and talk with folks for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/15 "2006-02-15T23:32:08Z")
Well, if John’s Revelation has anything to say about it, it should be quite a show. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/16 "2006-02-15T23:43:16Z")
Actually, he might do a whole lot less than you’d expect. [http://www.galactanet.com/comic/294.htm](http://www.galactanet.com/comic/294.htm) ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/17 "2006-02-16T00:06:41Z")
Is this the thread where we suggest bumperstickers? ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/18 "2006-02-16T00:06:49Z")
As others have alluded to the Second Coming of Christ, if the Bible is to be believed, will signal the End of Days or Armageddon or the Apacalypse or Judgement Day (pick your happy term). So, I think there would be little doubt if the real Jesus returned to earth as the End of Days doesn’t seem like a lot of fun for anyone, anywhere. I guess whether you find the ultimate result of it all scary or something to look foward to would depend on your faith in which side of the fence you fall on when the final judgement is delivered (or if you are really lucky be subject to the Rapture). ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/19 "2006-02-16T14:00:37Z")
[Thus spake the prophet](http://plif.andkon.com/archive/wc126.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649/20 "2006-02-16T17:56:09Z")
If he did come back, and was real, then what would happen is the same as last time. A lot of religious zealots will not believe him, get upset when he abolishes old laws and makes some new laws, call him a blasphemer and end up killing him. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-coming-back/344649.md?page=2)