# Jesus is NOT a hydrogen-powered sports-car with VTOLthat gives blowjobs! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 16, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415 "2002-06-16T23:09:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/61 "2002-10-08T05:47:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*_Miller_ > > I {diamond} hair. 😕 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/62 "2002-10-08T06:30:15Z")
Well, if you pronounce it right, diamond could sound sorta like “dyed my”… Hey, look! Something shiny! _:flees:_ ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/63 "2002-10-08T17:11:12Z")
Of course, as far as Dope bumper stickers go, I will agree with **Esprix** on Doping every day. However, as far as **Miller** goes, I’ll also have to add: **OG SMASH!** ---
**Author:** ![booklover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@booklover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booklover)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/64 "2002-10-08T20:31:17Z")
The logical upgrade for Winged Robot Monkey Butlers: A WRMB that gives blowjobs/cunnilingus on demand. Now THAT is something there’s a market for–he’ll even light your cigarette for you afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/65 "2002-10-08T21:23:47Z")
What, nobody’s going to mention the cars wallpapered with left-wing lunacy? Back in May I was walking around our annual street festival and saw a truck just covered in one-line screeds, each naming men as the source of all evil. “ **BOYS LIE** ” was the tamest one there, and naturally, it’s the only one I can recall enough to quote verbatim. Suffice to say, the trucks owner was obviously one of those subscribing to the “All sex is rape” line of belief. Point is, while some bumper stickers can be annoying, these were downright offensive. [sub]Pissed me off so bad, I wanted to tape a sign to the back of that car saying, “Shut up and suck my cock.”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![themightycupcake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@themightycupcake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themightycupcake)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/66 "2002-10-08T23:49:35Z")
The best I’ve seen so far (I"ll probably get chewed out for this one…) is: “I love cats. They taste like chicken.” ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2002, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/67 "2002-10-08T23:54:19Z")
you know, there is a magazine right here in my library called OG. it stands for organic gardening but still… ---
**Author:** ![tourbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@tourbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tourbot)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/68 "2002-10-09T01:12:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*Well, if you pronounce it right, diamond could sound sorta like “dyed my”… \*\* No. You would have to pronounce it really, really wrong for diamond to sound anything at all like “dyed my”. (Maybe it could sort of sound like dye ma’ if you drop the final d?) The first time I saw the "My boss is a Jewish carpenter bumper sticker, I thought, “Wow, this guy works for Norm Abrams!” ---
**Author:** ![deborak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@deborak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deborak)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/69 "2002-10-09T01:22:44Z")
Nothing much to add, except that I’m finding it amusing that this thread: \*\*Jesus is NOT a hydrogen-powered sports-car with VTOL that gives blowjobs! \*\* is immediately followed by: **His4Ever, why are you telling lies about your Deity?** ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2002, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/70 "2002-10-09T16:10:22Z")
There’s another magazing called OG - “Oriental Guys.” 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Osbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cdc98d/32.png) [@Osbie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osbie)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/71 "2002-10-10T02:09:20Z")
I occasionally saw this smarmy sticker in my hometown: **Lutheran schools share Christ.** Can you not hear the smugness? Bleah! My mom responded with, “As opposed to all those other schools that just hoard Him to themselves.” A friend saw this gem not so long ago: **Nice legs. Why don’t you spread them for me.** (Something to this effect anyway.) And you know what? She didn’t immediately flag him down and have sex with him right there on the side of the road. Can you believe it? ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/72 "2002-10-10T06:55:16Z")
Speaking of Christian bumper stickers, this bumped thread must be an answer to my prayers! See, I have a problem that I’m sure only the Straight Dope can help me with. A few weeks ago, I spotted the most bizarrely inexplicable bumper sticker I have ever seen in my life. It’s obviously religiously affiliated, but I honestly can’t tell if it’s supposed to be condemning Christianity or praising it. A short description: Upon it was written the enigmatic sentence “_Fish don’t walk . . . but Jesus still lives!_” Near this puzzling statement was a small picture of a typical “Jesus fish”: that is, it was typical except for the fact that it appeared to be dead. That is, you know how in cartoons death is indicated by legs sticking straight up while the creature is on its back? Stick legs had been attached to this poor fish, pointing upwards in an apparent indication of death. :eek: My first assumption is that it is meant to somehow disprove evolution: we’ve all seen the cartoonish views of evolution that show fish walking out of the sea onto land and becoming human. But aside from the fact that logic dictates the fish that became the first land dwelling organisms may have, you know, gone EXTINCT since it’s been a few million years since then – ASIDE from that – there’s the little fact that fish **do** walk. I mean jeez, can anyone be that STUPID? Maybe not everyone has heard of the lungfish (though they’ve been featured in enough trivia and biology as examples that you’d think most halfway educated people would at least have an idea of their existence) but really, man, is it that hard to find out, if you haven’t? (Okay, maybe lungfish don’t exactly _walk_ per say, but it’s close enough to count in this case, I think.) I mean jesus, the very existence of the lungfish seems like it’d be one very strong and obvious example in favor of evolution. What kind of nitwit would draw attention to this? Even fundie loonies can’t shoot themselves in the foot that badly, right? Then there’s the first half of the sticker, which defies logic in a major way even for a mindless religious platitude. The whole idea is basically a circular argument. Aside from the few people who may believe Jesus does live and choose to worship Satan or something, most people who do not worship Jesus do not believe in him (as a spiritual figure, that is) and therefore do not believe he still lives. Since there is no proof or reason to logically believe in Jesus’ supposed return to life other than a person’s personal belief, the argument is so pathetically ineffectual it’s almost painful to behold. If you’re going to try to use logic to argue about religion can’t it make a little more sense at least? Please, before my brain explodes. So, ANYWAYS. I thought all these things, and then I thought of the picture, and I cried, for I was at a complete loss to explain the poor dead Jesus fish. BTW, I was Googling for some explanation to my bumpersticker, and I found this page full of “Christian Bumper Stickers.” They varied (IMO) from highly offensive: “GOOD - GOD = O” (FUCK YOU. I may be misinterpreting, but I find this highly offensive.) “Obedience often precedes understanding.” (Personally I find this an incredibly repugnant message to be teaching anyone, but maybe that’s just my personal view – I understand if others may feel differently.) To moronic and offensive: “If man evolved from monkeys ---- Why are there still monkeys?” (I figured out the answer to this question by the time I was 12, for the love of fuck. The most basic research into evolutionary theory would show it. Hint: MAN DID NOT EVOLVE FROM MONKEYS, ASSHAT.) “Dusty Bibles=Dirty Lives” (My cat pissed on my Bible.) To merely moronic: “DO YOU FOLLOW JESUS THIS CLOSE?” (Uh, don’t most people regard tailgating as a bad thing? 😕 ) “Merry “Christ” mas!” (No shit, man.) “Soul food served here.” (No comment. None at all.) “Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case!” (Likewise.) And ranging finally to sentiments that are quite commendable though occasionally expressed moronically: “Hurting people need comfort not sermons.” “You are richer today if you have laughed, given, and forgiven.” I DO go on, sorry 🙂 Tanaqui ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/73 "2002-10-10T16:54:47Z")
My personal favorite smug Christian bumpersticker? “You’d smile, too, if you were going to Heaven.” Never fails to get my goat. :mad: Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Early\_Out](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Early\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Early_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/74 "2002-10-11T10:52:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\* I’ll also have to add: > > OG SMASH!\*\* Oh, hell, let’s just put them all together: **OG Smash Opal! Gotcha ya!** ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/75 "2002-10-11T13:50:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tanaqui \*(I clipped a lot) > \*\*A few weeks ago, I spotted the most bizarrely inexplicable bumper sticker I have ever seen in my life. > > A short description: > > Upon it was written the enigmatic sentence “_Fish don’t walk . . . but Jesus still lives!_” Near this puzzling statement was a small picture of a typical “Jesus fish”: that is, it was typical except for the fact that it appeared to be dead. Stick legs had been attached to this poor fish, pointing upwards in an apparent indication of death. :eek: \*\* I’ll take a shot at deconstructing this bumper sticker. But first, are you familiar with the [Darwin Fish](http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/daremblem.html)? It seems that the blame for the fish-with-legs symbol lies on the evolutionists. (But relax, it’s just a symbol.) So the bumper sticker you saw refutes evolution (fish don’t walk!) and asserts belief that Jesus rose from the dead. And it reinforces the anti-evolution message by “killing” the Darwin Fish. One might say that this bumper sticker is a rebuttal against a _symbol_, not against a real _argument_. That might lead to confusion for someone like yourself, who seems to appreciate logic and reason. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tanaqui \*\*\*…Then there’s the first half of the sticker, which defies logic in a major way even for a mindless religious platitude. \*\* See, there’s your problem: expecting even a modicum of logic from a bumper sticker. Bumper stickers are for self-expression and for advertising your opinion. You could even call them a personal form of propaganda. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/76 "2002-10-11T15:26:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus is NOT a hydrogen-powered sports-car with VTOL that gives blowjobs! Well, He isn’t a sports car, but - Revelations 22:20 (KJV). Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/77 "2002-10-11T15:52:26Z")
[quote] He who gives this testimony speaks “Yes, I am coming soon!” [quote] ?! (Revelations 22:20, NEB) Well, it’s nice to know _someone’s_ having a good time!😉 I know, I know, yet another reason I’m probably going straight to hell. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/78 "2002-10-11T18:30:02Z")
GOOD - GOD = O I don’t get this one. What is it saying? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/79 "2002-10-11T19:23:38Z")
**Shodan** : It means Good, without God, equal zero. In other words, no matter how good a person you are in life, you still go to Hell if you don’t pay a little lip service to the Big Beard. ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415/80 "2002-10-12T04:11:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Miller said: > Shodan: It means Good, without God, equal zero. In other words, no matter how good a person you are in life, you still go to Hell if you don’t pay a little lip service to the Big Beard. Yeah, that’s how I interpreted it as well. I thinkthe reasons why this is so despicable are obvious without needing further explanation, so I’ll save my vitriol. 🙂 Perhaps there’s a less offensive way to figure it, but I can’t think of one. Tanaqui [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-is-not-a-hydrogen-powered-sports-car-with-vtolthat-gives-blowjobs/114415.md?page=5)