# Jesus Shoots ....He Scores! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** basketball-nba\ **Created:** [June 4, 2026, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607 "2026-06-04T02:07:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/1 "2026-06-04T02:07:33Z")
This showed up in an ad to the side of my main content. I guess there’s an audience for bthis kind of thing, but I am speechless. > **[framed wrapped canvas jesus playing basketball wall - Temu](https://www.temu.com/framed-wrapped-canvas-jesus--playing-basketball-wall-art-religious-suitable-for-office-church-wedding-halloween-decor-spiritual--2d-flat--room-decor-g-601102410132640.html?_oak_name_id=7586946464405681506&_oak_mp_inf=EKDZhP2w1ogBGhZnb29kc184ZHh4YXBfcmVjb21tZW5kIIXxh%2FfoMw%3D%3D&top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2Fopen%2F0a31ab07e593438a9d03504a4df7cdbf-goods.jpeg&spec_gallery_id=473899&refer_page_sn=10032&freesia_scene=11&_oak_freesia_scene=11&_oak_rec_ext_1=NjM4&_oak_gallery_order=2128368685%2C144540864%2C2147033581%2C2137382051%2C471038095&refer_page_el_sn=200444&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ns_adx_req_id=1e334452-9625-43ce-a777-568b26cb5a1e&_x_ads_creative_id=4317783136000407&_x_ads_sub_channel=other&_x_ns_goods_id=606088401405786&_x_ads_csite=native_image&_x_ads_account=1117207712000001&_x_ads_set=2317503380000101&_x_ns_adx_auction_id=4216636538710724737%3A0%3A0&_x_ads_id=3317503380000101&_x_ns_gid=606088401405786&_x_ads_channel=adx_taboola&_x_ns_adx_p_type=1&_x_cid=mat_-1&_x_ns_plat=web&_x_sessn_id=h5wo6jtyx9&refer_page_name=goods&refer_page_id=10032_1780513633953_c5z42bm390)** > > Shop framed wrapped canvas jesus playing basketball wall art religious suitable for office church wedding halloween decor spiritual 2d flat room decor on Temu. more great prices on home & kitchen. It pairs well with this: > **[2d flat 2d flat 1pc poster jesus devil in basketball - Temu](https://www.temu.com/2d-flat-2d-flat-1pc-poster-jesus--on-the-devil-in-basketball-ideal-wall-art-for-your-living-room-office-and-entryway-2d-flat-g-606157070531367.html?_oak_mp_inf=EKf294a%2F6YkBGhZnb29kc19wdHp1eGFfcmVjb21tZW5kIKin8ILpMw%3D%3D&top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2Ffancy%2F5a50b906-a1e3-4ad0-816a-110c10918310.jpg&spec_gallery_id=223724587000&refer_page_sn=10032&freesia_scene=11&_oak_freesia_scene=11&_oak_rec_ext_1=ODQ2&_oak_gallery_order=411494293%2C643897699%2C1218619894%2C1931139390%2C1098597870&refer_page_el_sn=200444&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ns_adx_req_id=1e334452-9625-43ce-a777-568b26cb5a1e&_x_ads_creative_id=4317783136000407&_x_ads_sub_channel=other&_x_ns_goods_id=606088401405786&_x_ads_csite=native_image&_x_ads_account=1117207712000001&_x_ads_set=2317503380000101&_x_ns_adx_auction_id=4216636538710724737%3A0%3A0&_x_ads_id=3317503380000101&_x_ns_gid=606088401405786&_x_ads_channel=adx_taboola&_x_ns_adx_p_type=1&_x_cid=mat_-1&_x_ns_plat=web&_x_sessn_id=h5wo6jtyx9&refer_page_name=goods&refer_page_id=10032_1780538413320_1khpdzsdxt)** > > Shop 2d flat 2d flat 1pc poster jesus on the devil in basketball ideal wall art for your living room office and entryway 2d flat at the lowest price at Temu. Check reviews and See of home & kitchen. . And on the same page is This: > **[wrapping paper 58 inch roll funny pistol jesus vintage - Temu](https://www.temu.com/wrapping-paper-58--inch-roll-funny-pistol-jesus-vintage-guns-christmas-wrapping-paper-dark-humor-xmas-gift-wrap-suitable-for-white-elephant-parties-pranks-holiday-gifts-pp-material-multi-color--g-605620333809374.html?_oak_mp_inf=EN6d9sbv2YkBGhZnb29kc19iZ3VuZ3JfcmVjb21tZW5kIMzPi4PpMw%3D%3D&top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2Ffmket%2F1838449e6b5d3df364f70af3a27fc8a3.jpg&spec_gallery_id=1&refer_page_sn=10032&freesia_scene=11&_oak_freesia_scene=11&_oak_rec_ext_1=NTYy&_oak_gallery_order=1113706874%2C1085066526%2C903122628%2C1790712428%2C2114919769&refer_page_el_sn=200444&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ns_adx_req_id=1e334452-9625-43ce-a777-568b26cb5a1e&_x_ads_creative_id=4317783136000407&_x_ads_sub_channel=other&_x_ns_goods_id=606088401405786&_x_ads_csite=native_image&_x_ads_account=1117207712000001&_x_ads_set=2317503380000101&_x_ns_adx_auction_id=4216636538710724737%3A0%3A0&_x_ads_id=3317503380000101&_x_ns_gid=606088401405786&_x_ads_channel=adx_taboola&_x_ns_adx_p_type=1&_x_cid=mat_-1&_x_ns_plat=web&_x_sessn_id=h5wo6jtyx9&refer_page_name=goods&refer_page_id=10032_1780538860855_939367l7ra)** > > wrapping paper 58 inch roll funny pistol jesus vintage guns christmas wrapping paper dark humor xmas gift wrap suitable for white elephant parties pranks holiday gifts pp material multi color at the lowest price at Temu. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/2 "2026-06-04T05:20:47Z")
I the second one, why does Jesus have _two_ basketballs? Is Jesus a cheater? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/3 "2026-06-04T05:52:35Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > I the second one, why does Jesus have _two_ basketballs? 'Twas a miracle! 😇 ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/4 "2026-06-04T07:01:03Z")
Probably a mistranslation of Matthew 27:38. Some texts say “Then were there two basketballs with him, one on the right hand, and another on the left.” ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/5 "2026-06-04T08:05:00Z")
Whiy is Jesus being used as an attacker, we all know he Saves. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/6 "2026-06-04T08:41:15Z")
And Moses invests. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/7 "2026-06-04T08:53:56Z")
I’ve always liked this cartoon. Though Jesus is often credited with miraculous wins in baseball, football, basketball, and soccer, it turns out that the old dude has always just been a hockey fan … [![](https://i.imgur.com/WWljxTm.jpeg) ](https://i.imgur.com/WWljxTm.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/8 "2026-06-04T10:14:42Z")
Its AI generated crap that they don’t print out until someone buys it. My question would be why the algorithm targeted me for this sort of thing. I clicked on the links, so I expect it to start showing up. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/9 "2026-06-04T10:52:05Z")
I buy more crap from Temu than I should. I agree w @Si_Amigo. They’re generating all sorts of images and will only make the product when bought. Clearly the NBA playoffs have something to do with triggering the basketball themes. I’ve recently seen lots of greeting cards, printed t-shirts, and suddenly crap to hang on keychains. Sometimes the words are perfectly cromulent English. Sometimes they’re fine except for one nonsense non-word. Others are gibberish mostly written in our alphabet, although this last category seems to be declining as AIs get better at text as images. Clicking through on any of them generates a ~week long flurry of similar-themed items. Having followed the OP’s links I’m about to visit Temu this morning for my usual check-in. I’ll let you know if I’m assaulted by basketball, jeebus, or both. Neither of which I’ve seen before. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/10 "2026-06-04T13:44:43Z")
Surely a Jesus as a goalkeeper would be more biblically sound 😉 ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/11 "2026-06-04T14:12:17Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Surely a Jesus as a goalkeeper would be more biblically sound 😉   The Biblical version of Jeebus, yes. But as best as I’ve been able to gather from historical reconstructions, the historical Jesus was a radical anti-Roman revolutionary. On a hockey team, he wouldn’t be the goalie that “saves”, he’d be “The Enforcer” who starts hockey fights and earns a 5-game suspension for putting a disfavoured member of the opposing team in the hospital for a month! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/12 "2026-06-04T17:25:36Z")
All three links say that the item has been sold. The ‘related’ items are not. ETA: It seems Jesus playing basketball is a meme. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/13 "2026-06-04T17:56:24Z")
A version of the painting is on Amazon: > **[Amazon.com: Jesus Vs Satan in Basketball Poster Funny Christain Poster...](https://www.amazon.com/Basketball-Christain-Decorative-Painting-12x18inch/dp/B0CNSGQNTW)** > > Your satisfaction is our sole purpose! If you have any questions about our canvas wall art , please do not hesitate, please contact us immediately, you will get a reply in the shortest time! Enjoy your shopping time! Thank You Visit Our Shop! This appears to be the meme: > **[He is Rizzin Funny Easter Jesus Playing Basketball Meme from TeePublic | Day...](https://dayoftheshirt.com/shirts/195223/he-is-rizzin-funny-easter-jesus-playing-basketball-meme-teepublic)** > > He is Rizzin Funny Easter Jesus Playing Basketball Meme is sold by TeePublic for $16 plus $7 shipping. Day of the Shirt collects daily and weekly t-shirt sales from across the Internet and aggregates them all in one place. Updated every hour,... But there are other versions > **[He Has Risen // Funny Dunking Jesus Basketball Player // Christian Humor by...](https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/59295667-he-has-risen-funny-dunking-jesus-basketball-player)** > > Celebrate your love of Jesus and basketball with this fun illustration. There’s a GIF ![](https://media1.tenor.com/m/AUwBdTEDcjYAAAAC/jesus-basketball.gif "Jesus Basketball Sticker - Jesus Basketball Sport - Discover & Share GIFs") Jesus, there’s a ton of these [https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/he-rizzin-easter-jesus-basketball-player-2603145055?dd\_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F](https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/he-rizzin-easter-jesus-basketball-player-2603145055?dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F) > **[Viral AI Pastor ⛪️ on Instagram: "Jesus vs Kobe in basketball 🏀⛅️ What if...](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPWrZWWDByz/)** > > 140K likes, 1,237 comments - makenosense\_vids on October 3, 2025: "Jesus vs Kobe in basketball 🏀⛅️ > > What if Heaven had a basketball court? Legends never die — their memories live on. Watch Jesus and Kobe face off in the game that never ends. > Drop a... ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/14 "2026-06-04T18:23:47Z")
I just looked on the internet, and there are images of Jesus doing all kinds of sports – baseball hockey surfing football (Notre Dame has the Touchdown Jesus, after all) skiing parachuting snowmobiling water skiing scuba diving pole vaulting marathining. In fact, just about everything. I didn’t find jai alai, because tere are too many other Jesuses doing that. When I look for “sailing”, I find reproductions of “Storm on the Sea of Galilee” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/15 "2026-06-04T18:36:51Z")
I’m thinking this stuff is sold to the now-adult children of the people who spent the 1970s buying portraits of Elvis airbrushed onto black velvet. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/16 "2026-06-04T18:48:48Z")
Not only are there images of Kung Fu Jesus, we also have Chuck Norris in Heaven Teaching Jesus Kung Fu. > **[Deep blue wave 💙🌊 (@aangeljewel01) on Threads](https://www.threads.com/@aangeljewel01/post/DWMj909DQjI/chuck-norris-teaching-jesus-kung-fu-in-heaven)** > > Chuck Norris teaching Jesus Kung Fu in heaven 😂 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/17 "2026-06-04T19:00:36Z")
We’ve got Jesus cycling Not many images of him Rock Climbing, and none of him rappelling. We’;ve got Karate Jesus Jiu Jitsu Jesus Rollerblading Jesus Skateboard Jesus Skiboard Jesus Jesus on a scooter Motorcycle Jesus Hang gliding Jesus Cannonball Jesus (but not high diving) Kayaking Jesus Canoeing Jesus Roller Coaster Jesus Paintball Jesus Pinball Jesus ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/18 "2026-06-04T19:01:59Z")
Any sign of “Christ on a cracker” yet? ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/19 "2026-06-04T19:07:44Z")
Old news 🥱 > **[Christ Returns to NBA](https://theonion.com/christ-returns-to-nba-1819563859/)** > > After a two-year hiatus, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, taking the court with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit the sport in May 1994 to focus on spreading His message of universal love and compassion, made His... ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2026, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607/20 "2026-06-04T19:09:24Z")
He plays with the number 10. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-shoots-he-scores/1030607.md?page=2)