# Jesus VS. The Invisible Pink Unicorn **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 28, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828 "2000-06-28T03:23:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/61 "2000-06-29T20:28:58Z")
Scylla wrote: > [@](#): > > Her hooves would get no traction whatsoever. She’d sink into the slimy wriggling fishies, and wait helplessly Jesus (who can walk on water, and fish are mostly water so this shouldn’t be any problem at all.) Her Most Holy Pinkness does not **need** this “traction” of yours to walk on fish. Or water. Or any other substance. Her Blessed Hooves[TM] bless the crap out of anything she steps on. The fish would turn into … um … oh, I don’t know, _blessed_ fish or something. Yeah. That’s it. That’s the ticket. Blessed fish. With, um, those no-slip strips stuck on their outsides! Yeah! Just like those black pieces of sandpaper they glue onto staircases. Ya can’t unbalance the IPU! ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/62 "2000-06-29T21:41:23Z")
Twweeeettt!!! PETA official throw yellow flag at Jesus. Official pats right buttock and left shoulder simultaneously, then extends right hand out at shoulder hight and left hand straight up. Officials then huddle. TV announcer: Looks like we have a foul on JC. Preliminary signal is cruelty to fish. Either that or he’s doing the macarena… Head PETA official leaves huddle, faces camera, and turns on microphone: “five yards for each fish or 2000 miles, whichever comes first”. TV announcer: This is going to put JC in a deep hole. Can he get out of it. We’ll see after SDMB at the half… ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/63 "2000-06-29T22:24:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Religious faith does not require faith that everyone else is wrong. > > \*\* Thanks, Andros. I have a feeling I’ll be using that one in future RL debates. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/64 "2000-06-29T22:54:59Z")
I suppose Eris won’t mind if I pick up another goddess (for somewhat Eristic reasons, after all). _ **\*\*\*\*** _\*\*\*\*\_\_\_ But, Scylla, um, is Jesus plucking his beloved Ma out of the timestream? Mary wouldn’t _still_ be a virgin–haven’t you seen _ **Dogma**?_ Yeah, yeah, I know it’s the perpetually unsullied Mary of the _Acts of Mary_, but I’m gonna pull Protestants’ and Other Heretics’ privilege and declare a foul (a citizen’s foul, me not being a PETA-nik). Try again, Scylla. meantime, here’s a link you may enjoy: ACTION JESUS!!! [http://ape-law.com/wustudio/sketchbuk/sketch172.htm](http://ape-law.com/wustudio/sketchbuk/sketch172.htm) ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/65 "2000-06-29T23:08:56Z")
You fools! Don’t you know that the Great Pumpkin will squash you all. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/66 "2000-06-30T00:31:41Z")
Pumpkin! Squash! Get it? ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/67 "2000-06-30T02:55:53Z")
Let’s not forget Her Pinkness(may her hooves never be shod) has the ultimate defense, invisibility. JHC can’t fight what He can’t see. Also, filling the stadium with fish will do no good because the IPU (pbuh) can FLY! I read it in the Gospel of Grabowski, chapter 3 verse 19. Jesus is a goner in 2 rounds. ---
**Author:** ![2sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/e47774/32.png) [@2sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2sense)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/68 "2000-06-30T06:33:55Z")
I ONLY POST HERE TO PREVENT MISUNDERSTANDING. ( Well, also it is my HOLY OBLIGATION of WITNESSING - and as such totally tax-free. ) THE COMMENTS MADE BY **DAVID B** ,\*\* THE GOD MOST HIGH\*\*, SHOULD IN NO WAY BE INTERPRETED AS IMPLYING AN ENDORSEMENT OF THE 1st church of **DAVID B**. THIS COULD SEEM CONFUSING TO THE UNINITIATED. THE 1st church DOES NOT FOLLOW THE GOURD SO THEIR INTERPETATIONS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. ALSO THEY ARE SCHISMATIC! IF YOU WISH TO LEARN MORE OF THE **TRUE VOICE OF DAVID B** , WE HAVE INTODUCTORY CLASSES AVAILABLE THE 1ST SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH ( EXCEPT DURING THE NFL REGULAR SEASON ). I CAN GET YOU THE DISCOUNT RATE ONLY IF YOU ACT NOW. -2SENSE-\*PROFIT OF THE 2ND CHURCH OF \ ***DAVID B** ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/69 "2000-06-30T08:28:05Z")
If DavidB’s church talks in CAPS all the time count me out. I’ll just accept the smiting. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/70 "2000-06-30T09:13:48Z")
You know, when I came here I expected adult discourse & debate. Well, it was not all as I expected, but there did seem to be a sense of community. This was strengthened by my 1000th post party, and then by our recent tragedy. But now you have ruined it all. I could expect this kind of ignorance & childish mocking elsewhere, or by some of our less intelligent posters, but this is ridiculous. Why do you persist in mocking and insulting every poster with any sort of faith? And, worse, when the Fundies do this sort of thing, you all attack their arguements as non-logical & emotional. Hypocrites. You mock what you do not understand, can not understand, and worse, do not even WANT to understand. And then I complain to the Moderators, and they join in, when we expect them to set an example. I am not really surprized, as the Moderators here (& Slythe) seem more interested in joining in, than keeping strife out. ---
**Author:** ![KP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a9adbd/32.png) [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/71 "2000-06-30T10:44:56Z")
I can sympathize that Danielinthewolvesden feels that the dignity of his faith is being trod upon. However the ‘dignity’ of his faith is not an issue. In medicine, that’s like a pharmaceutical company trying to claim that its size and research budget give its drugs credibility. To which I say “Bah!” Credibility (and the utmost confidence of the Board) isn’t the issue, efficacy is. And safety. If it can’t beat a placebo, by a fairly decent margin (and without too many people injured or killed) I’m not giving it to anyone. It’s called a clinical trial (regrettably we can’d conduct a double blind). I’d expect someone calls themselves danielinthewolvesden to appreciate this sort of trial of faith (BTW, in what version is it ‘wolves’ and not ‘lions’?) ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/72 "2000-06-30T11:54:29Z")
Hang around, Daniel. Trust me, you’ll develop a thick skin. Right, David? 😉 Besides, Jesus wins easily over the Invisible Pink Unicorn. He made her, after all. Who knows? Maybe they go out together from time to time for joyrides through the heavens. ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/73 "2000-06-30T11:58:27Z")
Daniel complained: > [@](#): > > You know, when I came here I expected adult discourse & debate. Well, it was not all as I expected, but there did seem to be a sense of community. This was strengthened by my 1000th post party, and then by our recent tragedy. > > But now you have ruined it all. Gosh, and here I thought that a community was allowed to have some fun, even in Great Debates. Apparently, I am wrong. We are not allowed to have any fun whatsoever. > [@](#): > > I could expect this kind of ignorance & childish mocking elsewhere, or by some of our less intelligent posters, but this is ridiculous. Why do you persist in mocking and insulting every poster with any sort of faith? And, worse, when the Fundies do this sort of thing, you all attack their arguements as non-logical & emotional. Hypocrites. You mock what you do not understand, can not understand, and worse, do not even WANT to understand. And you just plain do not understand. While I’m sorry to see that, the fact of the matter is that other people are not going to stop enjoying themselves _without hurting anybody_ just because you want to complain about it. Get over it. > [@](#): > > And then I complain to the Moderators, and they join in Actually, we joined in before you complained. And we’ve been known to occasionally actually have fun even before you came to the board. Amazing, eh? > [@](#): > > when we expect them to set an example. I am not really surprized, as the Moderators here (& Slythe) seem more interested in joining in, than keeping strife out. Look around this thread. You know who’s causing “strife”? You. The rest of us are enjoying ourselves. If you don’t like it, don’t read the thread. Or go buy yourself a sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/74 "2000-06-30T12:49:14Z")
What do you mean, the Moderators _and_ slythe!?! What am I, chopped liver? BTW, it’s “slythe”, not “Slythe”. I do believe that my posts in this forum are aimed towards finding out what constitutes a “real” religion. Is the the age of the religion? Is it the number of followers? Is it how many people have died for it? Is it how many people have _killed_ for it? Who gets to decide on the seriousness of a religion-the followers, or the outsiders? And how serious should a religion be? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/75 "2000-06-30T12:53:38Z")
how serious is bob dobbs? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/76 "2000-06-30T14:01:14Z")
David B, you coalesced the vapors of my thoughts while reading Daniel’s post into a viable and meaningful comprehension far better than I ever could have. Thank you. > [@](#): > > And then I complain to the Moderators, and they join in, when we expect them to set an example. I am not really surprized, as the Moderators here (& Slythe) seem more interested in joining in, than keeping strife out. Did it ever occur to you that the reason no one has sided with you is because your assertions that we are childish, divisive, ignorant, stupid, hypocritical,and hateful are inaccurate and offensive? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/77 "2000-06-30T14:08:30Z")
soulsling wrote: > [@](#): > > how serious is bob dobbs? That’s “Bob” Dobbs! Do not omit the Holy Quotation Marks! ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/78 "2000-06-30T15:16:48Z")
Wasn’t the quote “Let _the fools_ have their tar-tar sauce!”? I’m amazed anyone else remembers this one… I also always liked “Dammit Smithers, it’s not rocket science, it’s brain surgery!” ---
**Author:** ![Kingpin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/278dde/32.png) [@Kingpin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kingpin)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/79 "2000-06-30T15:34:51Z")
Has anyone taken into account the fact that Jesus is a proven historical figure whereas the pink unicorn is a creation of the imagination? Therefore, while Jesus is limited to his miracles, the pink unicorn has endless capabilities because they merely need to be tacked onto her already impressive resume’. I think Jesus should be considered the resurrected Jesus, not the human Jesus, to even the playing field. No one has a clue what resurrected Jesus can do. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828/80 "2000-06-30T15:49:09Z")
**Lux Fiat** wrote: > [@](#): > > You just know {Jesus would} let the IPU win, and then totally play the martyr… Announcer: “Uh-oh, it looks like Jesus is using his ‘martyr play’ again. Will the IPU fall for it? Ooo, no! She saw that one coming a _mile_ away! She’s stopped and rolled onto her back, offering her belly to Jesus to scratch! That’s gonna cost him…” **Scylla** wrote: The main downside for JC here is that he’ll have to preach next Sunday in an embarassingly effete robe. THis might even be an advantage as it would give JC appeal amongst the gay community. [/quote] Doubt it - as you aid, it’s “embarassingly effete.” Unless he’s in the SCA, I think we’ll pass. We prefer those gods that emulate mythical beasts, like unicorns or fairies… 😉 **Kingpin** wrote: > [@](#): > > No one has a clue what resurrected Jesus can do. “_Jesus II: The Resurrection!_ Coming to theaters this summer! He’s back, and this time he’s not turning the other cheek! (This film has not yet been rated.)” Esprix [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-vs-the-invisible-pink-unicorn/23828.md?page=5)