# Jesus woulda... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521 "2000-02-07T22:31:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![\_Df](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7ba0ec/32.png) [@\_Df](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Df)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/1 "2000-02-07T22:31:00Z")
Before we start, let me state that this thread is not a troll, and is not even intended to have religious content. Its inspiration is purely sociological - a look at real and imagined symbology and iconography - and **anyone who feels that that approach is too irreverant SHOULD STOP READING NOW**. Anyone still here? Okay. I was inspired some time ago by the mildly infamous “Jesus Was Vegetarian” Texas billboard to ponder the use of the “Jesus” cultural icon (as opposed to the historical figure or the religious symbol) by fringe or not-so-fringe social groups for their own _non-religious_ purposes. I posit that “Jesus” as a symbol has come to belong to Western culture in general and represents distilled “good” - and therefore should present some really great marketing opportunities except, of course, that most people recognize the firestorms of controversy such attempts would likely inspire. But we have already had _Jesus Was A Biker_, which was really a political statement. Then _Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Heaven_. Recently, _Jesus Was Vegetarian_. Each of these is purely a comment on this country, with little to no regard for history. But why stop here? Why use transparent stand-in icons - like Santa - when we could use the real thing? What other pop uses of the J-Man have you seen - or what bumper stickers would you like to see? (The idea is, use Jesus to support your non-mainstream practice/belief.) A short list to get the ball rolling: - Jesus Was Pierced.  (Okay, no great stretch there, but still - kids are probably already using this one on their elders.) - Jesus was Homeless, Too. - Jesus was a Capitalist. (Okay, he wasn’t, but why should the poor and socialistic get to hog ‘Him?’ There are probably a lot of people who would like to trumpet this - so why not just do it? It’s instant ‘legitimacy’ for The American Way, just in case more was needed.) In fact: - “Consumers For Christ” was a group seen briefly in the background in Terry Gilliam’s movie _Brazil_, in which the season seemed always to be “Christmas.” - Jesus Hung With a Prostitute, Too, So Leave Me Alone. - Jesus Wore Fur. (??? Hey, if everyone gets to co-opt the symbol for their own purpose, this claim has no less respect for reality than some others, including those of some religious sects. Again, why should the peace-and-loveniks get to monopolize ‘Him?’) And perhaps most topically: - Jesus Would Have Used Linux. (Okay, I hereby copyright that one, © 2000 All Rights Reserved.) **Have at it!** ---
**Author:** ![\_Df](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7ba0ec/32.png) [@\_Df](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Df)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/2 "2000-02-07T22:32:00Z")
Whoops, and I prolly shoulda put this in MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/3 "2000-02-07T22:36:00Z")
This one seems destined over time to end up in GD or the Pit, but what the heck. We’ll try it out in MPSIMS and see what happens. * * * Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Stevie\_Rave\_On](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Stevie\_Rave\_On](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stevie_Rave_On)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/4 "2000-02-07T22:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus was Pierced Man, that’s funny. (I’m going to hell) * * * Trying is the first step to failure ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/5 "2000-02-08T00:26:00Z")
{quote]Jesus got pierced. [/quote] Phil Dennison tried to raise a few hackles by pointing out that Jesus celebrated Holy Week by “just hanging around.” I pointed out that, while that was true on Friday, He got bored by Sunday, got up and started partying with his buddies. Did any of you (besides Uke and Eve, who have obviously memorized _Books in Print_) ever hear of a thing called _The World’s Greatest Salesman_, in which someone named Og Mandino portrays Jesus as the ultimate salesman? ☹ Manny, I just _know_ this is going to inspire you to look up Cecil’s Jesus-and-Paul column. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/6 "2000-02-08T00:42:00Z")
**Poly** , you speak of the estimable Og as if you don’t know him! Sheeesh, the guy must have 50 or 200 books out (all promoting the same idea over and over). (Of course,I could never take him seriously: he first started getting published at about the same time that they were attempting a movie of a _Mandingo_ and I could never see his books without wondering whether he was really a stud slipping into the master’s house at night.) * * * Tom~ ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jesus-woulda/13521/7 "2000-02-08T01:52:00Z")
IRS Poster to discourage fear of auditors: Jesus sat down with us, won’t you too? (in Levi’s house, Jesus sits and eats with sinners and tax collectors)