# Jingle Bells, Batman smells **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 1999, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999 "1999-12-08T19:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 1999, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/61 "1999-12-11T17:14:00Z")
I’m Popeye the sailor man I live in a garbage can I eat all the worms And spit out the germs I’m Popeye the sailor man * * * Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99. “I get along well with everybody.” --I.M.F. ---
**Author:** ![Jois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ea666f/32.png) [@Jois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jois)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 1999, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/62 "1999-12-13T01:38:00Z")
I dug this up to add: Don’t ever laugh when the hearse goes by For you might be the next to die. They wrap you in a big white sheet And bury you under 6 feet deep. It all goes well for a week or two And then the casket begins to leak. The worms crawl in The worms crawl out They all play pinochle on your snout. The pus pours in The pus pours out …and here I am without a spoon! Another good Boy Scout song. Seemed to be from the same time as Batman Smells and the variations on Jingle Bells and A Christmas Carol. ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 1999, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/63 "1999-12-13T02:03:00Z")
That’s not quite how I remember that one. . . _Warning: this is extremely gross._ Don’t you ever laugh as the hearse goes by, For you may be the next to die. They wrap you up in a big white sheet From your head down to your feet. They put you in a big black box And cover you up with dirt and rocks. All goes well for about a week, Then your coffin begins to leak. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes. A big green worm with rolling eyes Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes. Your stomach turns a slimy green, And pus pours out like whipping cream. You spread it on a slice of bread, And that’s what you eat when you are dead. – Sylence p.s. I did warn you. * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 1999, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/64 "1999-12-13T02:21:00Z")
I remember the OP’s version of Jingle Bells, and I’m from Michigan. I also remember the other on eBlue mentioned, with the Cheerios, but I heard “blows his nose in Cheerios,” not “picks his nose with Cheerios.” Apparently I’m the only person on the planet who never, ever heard "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts, until I started hanging around this board. I’m no saint, and I enjoy a good gross-out every now and again, but that one is beyond gross. Bleah. But hey, I learned something new today. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 1999, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/65 "1999-12-13T04:00:00Z")
I remember one that has the line: "The school burned down and all the teachers died, the principal is gone, we stuffed him down the john" something something “the janitor is dead, we shot him in the head” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 1999, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/66 "1999-12-14T19:19:00Z")
PunditLisa, you forgot a couple verses: On top of Spaghetti, All covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, When somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table And onto the floor, And then my poor meatball Rolled out of the door. It rolled in the garden And under a bush, And then my poor meatball Was nothing but mush. The mush was as tasty As tasty could be, And early next summer, It grew into a tree. The tree was all covered With lovely green moss and plenty of meatballs And tomato sauce. So if you love spaghetti All covered with cheese, Hold on to your meatballs, And don’t ever sneeze!! I actually learned this one in college, at the height of Barney popularity: I love you, you love me, That spells be-sti-a-li-ty, With a hand grenade and a loaded .44, No more purple dinosaur! * * * Settle for what you can get, but first ask for the world. –Ka’a Orto’o, Gnomic Utterances C iv ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 1999, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/67 "1999-12-14T20:23:00Z")
I remember the Jingle Bells song with several of the variations here. I grew up in St. Louis in the 60’s/70’s. I also remember Kara’s version of “On Top of Spaghetti”. We sang the greasy grimy gopher guts song too, but I would never have remembered all the words, and I couldn’t begin to tell you which version we sang. Did anyone sing the Comet song? Comet; it makes your mouth turn green Comet; it’s made of kerosene (or gasoline - I remember it both ways) Comet; it makes you vomit So get some Comet and vomit today! * * * “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank ---
**Author:** ![Ursa\_Major](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a88e57/32.png) [@Ursa\_Major](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ursa_Major)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 1999, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999/68 "1999-12-14T21:05:00Z")
Was the Comet song sung to the theme from “Bridge over the River Kwai”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/11999.md?page=3)