# "Jingle Bells Batman Smells..." **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [December 16, 2021, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164 "2021-12-16T18:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2021, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/81 "2021-12-20T14:48:18Z")
We always said - and the joker broke his leg ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2021, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/82 "2021-12-20T17:39:48Z")
To the tune of “Comet” HItler had only one big ball Tojo had 2 but they were small Mussolini had one big weenie And Goebbels had no balls at all I used deduction to complete this one as I never heard the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2021, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/83 "2021-12-20T21:06:19Z")
You are remembering one of Cecil’s columns [Did Hitler have only one testicle?](https://www.straightdope.com/21342044/did-hitler-have-only-one-testicle) > The bit of doggerel favored by your landlord probably goes something like the following, originally sung by British Tommies during World War II to the tune of the “Colonel Bogey March”: > > _Hitler has only got one ball,_ > _Goering has two, but very small;_ > _Himmler is very sim’lar,_ > _And Goebbels has no balls at all._ ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/84 "2021-12-21T15:26:24Z")
> [@drad\_dog](#): > > To the tune of “Comet” > > HItler had only one big ball > Tojo had 2 but they were small > Mussolini had one big weenie > And Goebbels had no balls at all > > I used deduction to complete this one as I never heard the whole thing. Whistle while you work Hitler was a jerk Mussolini bit his weenie Now it does not work ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/85 "2021-12-21T15:41:58Z")
Speaking of Rudolph, does anyome remember the “western version”? About Randolph the six gun cowboy Had a very shiny gun And if you ever saw it You would even start to run … Santa came to say 'Randolph with your gun so bright Won’t you shoot my wife tonight?" Was this like an “official” version? Dr Demento or something? I only learned it from the other kids. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/86 "2021-12-21T15:49:13Z")
Separate thought: Does anyone else still default to the parody versions of Christmas songs? 50 years on and I have to stop myself from absent-mindedly singing about “shitty sidewalks”, "in the lane children pissin’ " or “later on we’ll perspire/as we sweat by the fire”. Childhood combined with a long memory has ruined my Christmas season. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/87 "2021-12-21T16:00:57Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Does anyone else still default to the parody versions of Christmas songs They often cross my mind. IIRC MAD magazine did an issue with a bunch of them. The only one I partly remember was to the tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” about crime. With rifles and police dogs, We guard our homes and stores, Alive we’ll stay this Christmas Day If we don’t go outdoors. Bob Rivers had a few gems. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/r9URPvejWHk/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AH-BIAC4AOKAgwIABABGH8gFigTMA8=&rs=AOn4CLDAAsiPA4n4X1r7j1ci8z4xS-iHzA "Bob Rivers - Walking Round In Womens Underwear") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9URPvejWHk) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/88 "2021-12-21T16:07:30Z")
(To the tune of _White Christmas_) _I’m screaming at a white sheep dog Each time he sits upon my chair. It’s a thing I’m dreading The way he’s shedding And coats everything with hair._ _I’m screaming at a white sheep dog. If he should visit you one night May his bark be worse than his blight And may all your furniture be white._ ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/89 "2021-12-21T16:18:20Z")
I never heard about Alfred breaking his leg, but I’m surprised nobody’s brought up this version yet. This is what I sang: _Jingle Bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg Batmobile lost its wheels And Batgirl broke her leg_ (Chicago suburbs late ‘60s-early ‘70s) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/90 "2021-12-21T16:32:25Z")
I always understood “and the Joker got away” to be a consequence of the Batmobile losing its wheel. It’s harder for me to see how that lost wheel leads to some third party breaking a leg—it sounds like a _non sequitur_. ---
**Author:** ![truthseeker3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e68b1a/32.png) [@truthseeker3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthseeker3)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2021, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/91 "2021-12-21T18:38:58Z")
I had never heard any version with anyone breaking their leg (+1 to **Thudlow\_Boink** ), but I did hear the both the “Cheerios” and the “Santa smells” versions. > [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > While we’re here? What about: > _Joy to the world, the teacher’s dead_ > _I barbecued her/his head!_ > _If you’re looking for the body,_ > _I flushed it down the potty_ > _Round and round it goes,_ > _just like GI Joes_ > _Around and aaaaround, around it goes!_ I’ve also heard that version (which kind of makes me wonder if somebody has a throne with some serious hydraulics), but what I heard growing up was this: Joy to the world, the school burned down, With all the teachers in it! They’re looking for the principal, Whose hanging by the flagpole, With a rope around his neck, With a rope around his neck, With a rope, a rope around his neck! And here’s another fun Christmas ditty from my childhood: Deck the halls with gasoline [asterisk] Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Strike a match and watch it gleam Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Watch the school burn down to ashes Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Now aren’t you glad you played with matches Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! asterisk: One friend sang “kerosene” ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2021, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/92 "2021-12-22T01:53:48Z")
Whistle while you work Nixon is a jerk Stuck his wiener in a vacuum cleaner Now it doesn’t work We’d replace “Nixon” with our friend’s name. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2021, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/93 "2021-12-22T02:12:26Z")
What are we, 6 years old? Heh. G.I. Joe Let one go All the way to Mexico! ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2021, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/94 "2021-12-22T03:41:42Z")
Christmas carol parodies were a pretty regular feature in MAD Magazine. [https://www.madcoversite.com/mad188-carols.html](https://www.madcoversite.com/mad188-carols.html) ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2021, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/95 "2021-12-22T04:03:00Z")
Commissioner broke his leg (and Robin laid an egg, for that matter), where I grew up. The first time I ever heard the Joker line was when Bart sang it in the Simpsons Christmas Special. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/96 "2021-12-28T22:55:18Z")
Today was my brother’s birthday, which reminded me of: Happy Birthday to you! You belong in a zoo, You look like a monkey And smell like one too! ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/97 "2021-12-28T23:05:41Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Happy Birthday to you! Followed by: Stand up, stand up We won’t shut up till you stand up (Repeat ad nauseum) To the tune of [The Old Gray Mare](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNfVwIBE00w) Great big globs of Greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey feet Disconnected horses hooves French fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood That’s what we always eat. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/98 "2021-12-28T23:53:18Z")
Randolph the six-gun shooter Had a very shiny gun And if you ever saw it You would turn around and run. All of the other cowboys Used to laugh and call him names They never let poor Randolph Join in any poker games. Then one foggy Saturday The sheriff came to say, “Randolph, with your gun so bright, Won’t you shoot my wife tonight?” … ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/99 "2021-12-29T00:35:46Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Great big globs of > Greasy grimy gopher guts > Mutilated monkey feet > Disconnected horses hooves > French fried eyeballs > floating in a pool of blood > That’s what we always eat. We sang this one a bit differently: Great big globs of Greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Little dirty birdies’ feet All fried up with all-purpose porpoise pus You eat it with a knife and spoon ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164/100 "2021-12-29T17:10:37Z")
I don’t recall all the stuff after Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts, but the last line was “And I forgot my spoon.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jingle-bells-batman-smells/956164.md?page=6)