# Job Hunting Bullshit **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2009, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632 "2009-01-16T18:53:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/21 "2009-01-17T01:27:20Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > It’s then totally within our rights to think they’re idiots who are shooting themselves in the foot. Sure it is, I just don’t understand why you would think that they are shooting themselves in the foot. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/22 "2009-01-17T01:29:58Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Given the zillions of resumes these places get, I’d assume employers do database searches. Forcing you to fill out a webform cuts down on the number of ways you can write hash slinger or whatever. Extracting that from a Word or PDF resume is not that easy. So, I’d give them a pass on that one. You might have a point, if they were using things like dropdown boxes for positions, but when its a fill in the blank box, where you can key in anything you want, nope. Also, how does having me type in my former employer’s name and address keep someone from turning “hash slinger” into “product development artisan” or “organic produce processor”? I don’t mind it so much if I’m having to winnow things down to fit their definitions, but when everything is just a blank textbox, it makes me wonder why they wanted me to upload my resume to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Otanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Otanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otanx)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/23 "2009-01-17T01:32:33Z")
I had a company call me for an interview. Said they found my resume on Monster. We setup a time, and they send me an email with directions to their office, and the “dress code” for the interview. This should have been a red flag. I am looking for a professional IT job, not a food flinger at a burger joint. No shorts, and tshirts should be understood. I arrive for the interview, and get invited back to the conference room. Nice chit chat with the HR person. Pass over a hard copy of my resume. Answer a few questions about the network I supported while in the Army. Go over what technologies I know, what my school plans are (supposedly they want a BS). Finally I get asked “So are you hard set on a computer job? We don’t have any available right now, but we have several insurance sales associate possitions available. You could make alot of money.” I say no, shake her hand and walk out. If you are that desperate for sales associates, you could have asked on the phone, and saved both of us an hour. Now I am always wary when I get a email from someone that found my resume on the web. -Otanx ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/24 "2009-01-17T01:40:23Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > What pisses me off are sites which require you to create an account (something like [Monster.com](http://Monster.com), I can understand, but when I’m trying to apply for a job at XYZ company, WTF should I have to create an account) THIS. I now have almost THIRTY usernames and passwords for THIRTY different companies, most of which I’ll _never_ use again, and I just keep having to register for more and more and MORE AND MORE **AND MORE** … And people wonder why I have so much trouble keeping track of all my passwords… ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/25 "2009-01-17T01:49:53Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I don’t want to accidentally apply to (a) whorehouse, you know? Is playing piano in a whorehouse still a viable career option? I know lots of ragtime. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/26 "2009-01-17T02:00:44Z")
**Inept matching in automated job updates**. “We’ve found 147 top jobs that match your skills!” No, you haven’t. The jobs in this list don’t even resemble _each other_. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/27 "2009-01-17T02:03:08Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > THIS. I now have almost THIRTY usernames and passwords for THIRTY different companies, most of which I’ll _never_ use again, and I just keep having to register for more and more and MORE AND MORE **AND MORE** … > > And people wonder why I have so much trouble keeping track of all my passwords… Oh, yes, and if its some place you applied to years ago, but forgotten about, you have to jump through all kinds of bizarre hoops to be able to apply for something there. (And _this_ is one of the reasons why I now have a bunch of different email accounts.) ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/28 "2009-01-17T02:13:41Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Is playing piano in a whorehouse still a viable career option? I know lots of ragtime. You know, I hadn’t thought of that… I know how to play ragtime, too… _::: scurries off to re-examine several listings ::::_ ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/29 "2009-01-17T02:23:33Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Sure it is, I just don’t understand why you would think that they are shooting themselves in the foot. Maybe they do have legit reasons for requiring a higher degree of education than is normally necessary for such a position, but it’s also likely that the ad was written by someone in HR with no real understanding of the skills needed for the position. Provided whoever reviews resumes keeps strictly to the ad, they unnecessarily cut out a large chunk of qualified job seekers. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/30 "2009-01-17T02:56:25Z")
The gripe I had, but haven’t seen lately, was when I was looking into web development positions, I would find postings with requirements that weren’t physically possible. For instance, 5 years Java experience when Java was only 2 years old. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/31 "2009-01-17T02:58:49Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Maybe they do have legit reasons for requiring a higher degree of education than is normally necessary for such a position, but it’s also likely that the ad was written by someone in HR with no real understanding of the skills needed for the position. Provided whoever reviews resumes keeps strictly to the ad, they unnecessarily cut out a large chunk of qualified job seekers. That and they’re more likely to have someone leave for a better job, and have to go through the hiring process all over again. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/32 "2009-01-17T03:00:45Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > The gripe I had, but haven’t seen lately, was when I was looking into web development positions, I would find postings with requirements that weren’t physically possible. > > For instance, 5 years Java experience when Java was only 2 years old. Or how about “must be familiar with XYZ software” and XYZ software is a _propriety_ type of software that _only_ the company with the want ad uses! Gee, ya think that an ex-employee is going to want to come _back_ to your place of work, or will be _allowed_ to come back? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/33 "2009-01-17T03:11:59Z")
Way back when I was living in Albuquerque, an ad would appear periodically in the newspaper that said someting like: “Needed: five lazy persons to work in office with rock ‘n’ roll atmosphere, and one or two indistrious ones.” This was back before computers, e-mail and the Internet. The ad gave a phone number and a post-office-box mailing address. I could never get a response from them, and no one ever answered the phone. The ad would appear every few months. I never could figure out what that was all about. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/34 "2009-01-17T03:33:06Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Or how about “must be familiar with XYZ software” and XYZ software is a _propriety_ type of software that _only_ the company with the want ad uses! Gee, ya think that an ex-employee is going to want to come _back_ to your place of work, or will be _allowed_ to come back? In some places, job openings must be advertised externally as well as internally (either because of legislation or corporate policy). My experience with “Must have experience in (something you couldn’t be experienced with unless you worked for the company)” positions are that they’re deliberately worded like that so they can promote Lloyd from Accounts, who’s been doing the position as “temporary” relief for the past 18 months anyway. They don’t actually want other applicants for the position- they need to be able to say that the position was advertised, and Lloyd was the only one who applied/met the criteria. This is why, when I apply for Government jobs now, I always ask “Is someone currently undertaking this position on a temporary or relief basis, and if not, is there someone in the department who could be considered ‘next in line’ for the position?” If the answer is “No”, then I continue with the application. If the answer is “Yes” or “Well, no-one’s officially next in line, but there is someone who has been with the department for some time who has expressed an interest” then I thank them politely and move on to something else. I learnt this the hard way after spending a week putting together a meticulously worded 3,000 word application addressing all kinds of seemingly irrelevant minutiae for a Government Job that I was well suited for, only to get a rejection e-mail the day after the applications closed. I rang them up and politely asked for some tips to improve my future applications, and they said that the position had been given to the person who had been filling in as Acting (Position) for the past 8 months. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/35 "2009-01-17T03:38:32Z")
> [@LionelHutz405](#): > > I’ve often thought there is a business opportunity there for a job search site that doesn’t treat the job seekers like shit. There is a small fee to access the site but in return you get real jobs. No obvious bullshit or anonymous company listings. > > Employers can be sure their real job won’t be lost is a sea of crap. [http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/](http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/) ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/36 "2009-01-17T03:53:25Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > [http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/](http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/) There’s a lot of junk on there too, though I’ll admit that I never got spam from having my resume on it. ---
**Author:** ![Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckler_of_Swashing)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/37 "2009-01-17T04:19:46Z")
I’m in a somewhat different situation in that I’m a student and I’m looking for a casual job, but I am certainly in agreement with you on the Anonymous Company job placement. How do I know if this place is even near enough to me to be viable? How do I know if your ‘successful retail store’ sells something I would even be capable of conversing intelligently with customers about? Since most of the jobs I can get in my position are just average local retail positions, I think my pet hate is ads like this: [QUOTE=Some God-Awful Pain-in-the-Ass Who Never Got Her Pony] Are you a RETAIL SUPERSTAR!!!? Do you have ENERGY LEVELS through the roof? Are you a GO-GETTER who is confident, vivacious and not afraid to make a sale? Do you LOVE be kept on your toes by the FAST-PACED world of modern fashion retail!!!??? If you have a SPARKLING personality, a WINNING smile and a STELLAR record of meeting and exceeding sales targets - you could be the SALES GURU we are looking for!!! Do you have what it takes to give our customers the ULTIMATE shopping experience? If you have a LOVE FOR FASHION and can use your SALES SAVVY to help our customers feel GREAT about their purchases, send us your resume today and tell us why you are the NUMBER ONE RETAIL HERO! We are looking for a BRIGHT AND BUBBLY high-achiever who gets up in the morning ready to come to work and make sales and we will offer a generous salary to the lucky applicant to be offered this ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME sales position with a company that vales your loyalty! If this sounds like a match made in retail heaven, email nauseatinglychirpydrone@crappyfashionsrus.com.au now!!! [/QUOTE] (Replace ‘Fashion’ with whatever they’re actually selling - though most of this type of ad is for clothing stores. Whether or not many of them can really be called ‘fashion’ is a whole other thread…) > [@](#): > > **Translation:** We want an attractive female sales assistant who will take whatever ludicrous crap we throw at her with a big dumb smile and keep coming back for more abuse. She needs to love being walked all over both by us, her employers, and our customers. We always subscribe immediately to the latest PR bullshit making the rounds so she needs to be a total ‘Blank Slate’ personality and be totally reprogrammable on a monthly basis to cope with our ever-changing and utterly baseless whims. We need someone who can tie their entire sense of self-worth to their ability to ring up and bag a shirt. > > Hours: The hours will seem regular at first but after about a fortnight we’re going to start rostering you whenever we feel like regardless of your availability and we’ll fire you the first time you don’t answer the phone at 4AM because you are clearly not superstar material. > > Pay: Next to nothing, but you will be allowed to lick the floors clean for your supper if you give us your WINNING SMILE!!! while you do it. You will also get a 2.5% Staff Discount on whichever of last year’s clothes are still left in a box out the back after not being purchased by anyone despite the sale price of $1.50. OK, so I cobbled that one together as a Frankenstein’s Ad out of the very worst bits and pieces of several different ads appearing on my regular job search sites - but I didn’t make any of it up. It all came from real ads. I especially hate ‘Retail Superstar!!!’. Get the fuck over yourself. Just because you had to invest every fibre of your stupid being into it just to make it to a Part-Time Assistant Manager position after 8 years in a local cheap-ass fashion outlet doesn’t mean that’s what it takes for normal people. Most people can do what you do and probably better. Unfortunately, your style of ad weeds them out and anyway, you’d never hire anyone whose personality didn’t validate the shrieking overcompensation and massive inferiority complex you clearly have about your shitty position in a shitty company. But it’s the only thing YOU’RE good at - so it must take a RETAIL SUPERSTAR!!! to get it done. Coz’ that’s what you are, right? A fucking superstar. ETA: I don’t mean to insult any retail workers here - I have been one and will be one again. I realise that there are genuine retails jobs and managerial positions out there that require significant skill in sales techniques and whatnot. These ads are for $10/hour, 10hr/week casual sales positions in small, local businesses requiring no more than the most menial of skills. They do not need ‘superstars’. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/38 "2009-01-17T05:44:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > **Inept matching in automated job updates**. > > “We’ve found 147 top jobs that match your skills!” > > No, you haven’t. The jobs in this list don’t even resemble _each other_. No kidding. According to the “results” I’ve been getting, I’m qualified to work everywhere from an aircraft hangar to an auto mechanic shop to a private school to the U.S. Freakin’ Navy. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/39 "2009-01-17T05:54:35Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > So? They want a CAD drafter that has one, doesn’t matter if one isn’t needed in your opinion. If a company wanted a receptionist with a JD, an MD, and a PhD in Physics, then they sure can look for one if they want to. As long as they don’t whine afterwards that “nobody really wants to WORK in this country” when they can’t find such an applicant who’s willing to work for the slave wages the company is willing to pay. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2009, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632/40 "2009-01-17T06:41:42Z")
> [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](#): > > OK, so I cobbled that one together as a Frankenstein’s Ad out of the very worst bits and pieces of several different ads appearing on my regular job search sites - but I didn’t make any of it up. It all came from real ads. **Buckler of Swashing** , your FrankenAd is one of the funniest-because-it’s-true things I’ve read all week. Thanks for cheering me up no end! 😃 I’ve seen so many ads like that I’m starting wonder if they’re all written by the same woman… > [@](#): > > I especially hate ‘Retail Superstar!!!’. Get the fuck over yourself. Just because you had to invest every fibre of your stupid being into it just to make it to a Part-Time Assistant Manager position after 8 years in a local cheap-ass fashion outlet doesn’t mean that’s what it takes for normal people. Most people can do what you do and probably better. Unfortunately, your style of ad weeds them out and anyway, you’d never hire anyone whose personality didn’t validate the shrieking overcompensation and massive inferiority complex you clearly have about your shitty position in a shitty company. To quote Les Grossman: “A nutless monkey could do your job. Nah, I’m joking. Yeah. But seriously. A nutless monkey could do your job.” As you say though, those ads are designed to appeal to a certain type of retail worker, and it’s not a cynical former manager in an electronics store. 😉 > [@](#): > > But it’s the only thing YOU’RE good at - so it must take a RETAIL SUPERSTAR!!! to get it done. Coz’ that’s what you are, right? A fucking superstar. > > ETA: I don’t mean to insult any retail workers here - I have been one and will be one again. I realise that there are genuine retails jobs and managerial positions out there that require significant skill in sales techniques and whatnot. These ads are for $10/hour, 10hr/week casual sales positions in small, local businesses requiring no more than the most menial of skills. They do not need ‘superstars’. If the interviews I’ve had so far don’t pan out, I’m seriously tempted to duck down to St. Vinnies and get some horribly dated 1970s-style suit, some Aviator sunnies, and a suitably daggy sideburns/hairstyle combo- basically, looking exactly like [That Guy from the Birch Carroll & Coyle ads](http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb9wo4gA5RU) - and then get some of my friends to follow me to the interview taking photos and so on, whilst some of my other friends can act like my “entourage”. Then I can arrive at the interview and say, with a completely straight face, “Well, you wanted a Retail Superstar. Here I am!” 😃 I know, long way to go for a cheap joke, but part of me thinks it would be worth it anyway. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/job-hunting-bullshit/481632.md?page=3)