# Jobs you couldn't do **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 21, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054 "2004-12-21T21:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/21 "2004-12-22T04:16:32Z")
Nothing in the field of medicine. Except maybe pathology. I’d be terrified of doing something that’d hurt or even kill a patient, but I guess I wouldn’t fear that working with those who are already dead. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/22 "2004-12-22T04:55:47Z")
> [@manhattan](#): > > Public defender. It’s an honorable profession and I’m glad people do it, but personally I know I’d end up saying things to juries like, “ **EVEN IF THE DEFENDANT TOTALLY REALLY DID IT** , [SUB]you have to believe that beyond a reasonable doubt[/sub]. And of course you can’t even consider the gun found in his backpack, because I got that search exclud-- uh, oops.” Been there, done that. I was defence co-counsel in an appeal of a triple murder that turned on a technical exclusion of a gun in a backpack. Glad to be out of that area. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/23 "2004-12-22T05:03:56Z")
Higher end customer service. I’d be about as successful at it as Tom Waits, Kinky Friedman or Warren Zevon would, and for much the same reasons (excepting Zevon, of course, but you get the idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/24 "2004-12-22T05:21:54Z")
**A BARTENDER!!** Now don’t get me wrong, drinking is on of my favorite past times. But drunk people are the most annoying people in the world. Constantly repeating themselves is what drives me batty. It’s funny when I’m hanging with my friends and we’re ALL drinking; they’re some of the funnest people to be around. But when I’m sober and they’re drunk; look out! It’s like “Yeah, John! You just told me that story five minutes ago! I don’t need to hear it again!! for the fifth time” (then they proceed to tell you the story anyway :rolleyes: ) And yes, to be fair; I’m no exception. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/25 "2004-12-22T05:23:47Z")
Welfare case worker. The ones around here don’t get paid peanuts and it’s such a pointless, frustrating job. Ditto for CPS. I couldn’t handle working with battered women, either. I’d alternate between wanting to smack some sense into them and hunting down their abusers. Forensics stuff. No murder victims, thanks. I could never be a pastor/preacher, or the wife of one. I think it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world, but definitely something you’ve gotta be called to do, and I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/26 "2004-12-22T05:39:05Z")
**Policeman-** Too risky, plus being exposed to the worst in humanity on a daily basis would turn me into a basket case within a month, if not sooner. **Telemarketer-** Taking such a job would go against my very principles. I could not possibly take a job where, in the very course of my job, I knew I was seriously pissing off just about everyone I talked to. Seriously, I’d rather go on welfare first. **Electrical lineworker-** Heights + electrocution hazards = too risky. **Slaughterhouse worker-** The stories a coworker has told me about his days at such a job make me glad I have a college education. **Road construction flagger-** Too hot in the summer, and I’m sure these people get more than their fair share of rudeness from irritated and frustrated drivers who think THEY are the ones to blame for the delays. **Lifeguard** - Again, too hot, plus nobody would want to see my hairy, flabby physique. **The person who has to put animals down at the animal shelter-** As a cat lover especially, this job would be impossible to do without breaking down into tears (and I’m a guy). **Social worker-** I’ll leave it to someone else to deal with dysfunctional families and broken homes and the reasons that create such conditions. I’d have a hard time taking one’s kids away from the parents, however dispicable they are. I’d only feel bad for the kids, of course. \*\*School teacher- \*\* I do not have the patience to deal with unruly children. Teachers also have to put up with a lot of asshole parents. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/27 "2004-12-22T06:00:07Z")
If I were investigating sex crimes on children, day in, day out, I think I really would go insane. I could _not_ do it, never. That kind of thing just chills me to think about it. Dealing with the criminally insane. I’d lose my own mind. Anything to do with planes or flying–sorry, mate, my feet stay right here on the ground, thanks. Anything to do with dead bodies. Please, no. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/28 "2004-12-22T06:01:28Z")
I read this thread thinking that all the ones I’d mention had already been posted, and so I gave up and went over to GQ… Then I found the [Milking the Prostate - TMI](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293124) thread. From said thread, comes this: > [@Incubus](#): > > I have heard (sorry no cite) that the prostate can be stimulated by pressing against the wall of the rectum. I also know that they use this technique to masturbate elephants to get semen samples, but I’m not too sure about the details. No further questions, Your Honour. I am NOT shoving my arm up an elephant’s arse to enhance its masturbatory experience. Do I win? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/29 "2004-12-22T06:33:51Z")
Mortician. I wouldn’t mind working with dead bodies (people corpses shouldn’t be all that different from critter corpses, and I deal with those all the time), but the families would get to me. I just couldn’t work all close up with that much heartache and grief _all the time_. It’s hard enough dealing with a few griefstricken pet owners a week. Most of the jobs listed here, though, wouldn’t bother me. Blood, guts, gore, rectal probes, euthanasia–been there, done that. It’s not so bad, really. You develop a balance between callousness and caring that lets you get on with the job most of the time. And then every now and again you come home and have a good cry. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/30 "2004-12-22T07:56:29Z")
Telemarketer Social worker Counsellor Welfare Officer Psychiatrist Pyschologist Childcare worker School Teacher (under 16 year olds) Basically, anything that involves aggressive/initiated sales techniques, children or dealing with people with entitlement issues or emotional/mental problems. Blood, guts and gore don’t really bother me. And, as **TLD** said, jerking off wildlife would probably be a no-go, simply because it would ruin my social life. “So, what do you do for a crust?” “Ummm, actually I masturbate penguins…” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/31 "2004-12-22T08:41:27Z")
Anything where I have to deal with demented people, deranged people, drunk people, stoned people, and so forth. > [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > And also, house keeping in a hotel. I actually did that for a short time with my mom and _never again_. People are animals… Let’s hear some horror stories. I’ve lived in plenty of hotels and have always been impressed with the great quality of the cleaning (I’ve also never left anything worse than a wet towel and an unmade bed in my wake). ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/32 "2004-12-22T09:47:57Z")
Sunday School Teacher. Non-Keyframe Animator. Retail. (I can do it. I’ve done it. And I’m done with it.) Activist. (Conservative, Liberal, or whatever.) Anything involving bodily waste. Worker at that “Hot Dog on a Stick” place at the mall. (Two guesses why) Anything with animals. (I’ve had my damn fill of it.) ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/33 "2004-12-22T12:41:01Z")
[Fluffer](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fluffer&r=f) ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/34 "2004-12-22T12:46:58Z")
I work in a nursing home, used to work for a motel (and loved it) and am planning to go into medicine. However, I do not think I could be a check out chick. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/35 "2004-12-22T13:01:12Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Things I couldn’t do… > > Dentistry. Surgeon. Anything to do with the squishy bits inside the body, espcially when they are revealed in inappropriate ways, such as through a chest wound. I’m going to second that one. I can deal with these situations when I absolutely have to, but I got a bit queasy feeling the other day just listening to a report on a kidney transplant on the radio. I don’t understand how people can watch those television shows about surgeries and such. I’d probably pass out. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/36 "2004-12-22T13:51:46Z")
Film editor for one of those fishing shows (Roland Martin, etc.). Somewhere, some poor schmuck has to watch hours and hours of film, and edit out the parts that are even MORE boring that what we see on the TV. Imagine it; Spending your entire workweek watching film of some guy on a bass boat, fishing. Egads. ---
**Author:** ![Miabella](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@Miabella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miabella)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/37 "2004-12-22T13:52:17Z")
My sister-in-law, who is graduating from veterinary school in May, had a job doing research for the Red Cross for a couple years between college and vet school. They were testing some sort of arterial bandage on rabbits. Her job was 1) anesthesize rabbit 2) cut open rabbit’s chest 3) make a cut in an artery and apply bandage 3) record findings 4) euthanize rabbit 5) lather, rinse, repeat. Each one took about an hour, so she went through about 8 rabbits per day. Now, I am not opposed to animal testing, as long as it’s done in a humane fashion as this was. However, I have a hard enough time getting out of bed to do my little desk job, I just don’t think I could get up everyday and be the Bunny Angel of Death. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/38 "2004-12-22T15:58:10Z")
pediatric onocologist. Must be the worlds most depressing job. ---
**Author:** ![TastesLikeBurning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@TastesLikeBurning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TastesLikeBurning)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/39 "2004-12-22T16:55:26Z")
C’mon people, nobody here has mentioned **Parking Inspector**?!? What kind of sick and twisted individuals are you, that you’d be willing to steal the oxygen needed to sustain the life of such a creature? ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054/40 "2004-12-22T16:56:15Z")
Executive, or any sort of upper manager. I just don’t friggin’ care enough. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jobs-you-couldnt-do/281054.md?page=3)