# Joey Hemlock: A love poem. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050 "2001-05-31T06:06:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/1 "2001-05-31T06:06:46Z")
By night I seek you in chat, you maven, you irresistable hunk of cyber man- you burn my heart, you lunk and I lie awake at night wondering where you are at For verily, I seek you, my sweet In my mind you are built like a hemlock that does not wilt in the burgeoning summer heat An early memory: Joey stating that he wished he had a vagina. More’s the pity that he doesn’t. 'Cause I’d be all over him. [sub]How’s that, Joey? ;)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/2 "2001-05-31T06:14:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*[sub]How’s that, Joey? ;)[/sub] \*\* Oh andygirl, my andygirl, i’ve hungered so to hear That you want me as I want you, (I’m smiling ear to ear!) I’ve loved you since I met you, you’re really so damn hot I curse the day that I was born and the lord made me sans twat. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/3 "2001-05-31T06:16:25Z")
::thinks that Sans Twat would be a good name for a ban:: ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/4 "2001-05-31T06:17:31Z")
Here, toss this up there at the end of the word ban: D BAND. Not ban. Whateva. ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/5 "2001-05-31T06:24:54Z")
Rasa, lovely Rasa dear, Your mind is thinking fast (although your post ain’t poetry– get off your lazy ass!) you’re the one girl that i think of as I fade off into sleep and dream of licking at your nose to hear that sexy “Eep!” ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/6 "2001-05-31T06:27:37Z")
So, “we love you Joey” isn’t enough anymore? You want poetry as well? ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/7 "2001-05-31T06:37:44Z")
I’m not sure how these things are done in the land down under, so, **reprise** , please forgive me, if this thread’s a silly blunder. This poetry – this thread for me may seem like so much greed but you’re so clearly beautiful “I love you”'s all I need. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/8 "2001-05-31T06:42:16Z")
Joey, you are the singular reason as to why I post at night ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/9 "2001-05-31T06:53:12Z")
Did you hear about the pot-heads that revolted? It was a high coup. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/10 "2001-05-31T13:13:13Z")
I’m with rep…what, smooching you ain’t good enough anymore? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monster)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/11 "2001-05-31T16:27:59Z")
Oh Joey you’re so fine You’re so fine you blow my mind ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/12 "2001-05-31T21:23:05Z")
One monster is a chick. One has a dick. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2001, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/13 "2001-05-31T22:25:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*One monster is a chick. > One has a dick. \*\* Clarification is most immensely helpful in cases like that. jayjay 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/14 "2001-06-01T03:52:05Z")
Okay, you two. Just get a room. You both are getting cloying. When two kids talk like this it starts to get annoying. Andygirl, I know you’re gay. Honestly, I buy it. But are you sure you don’t like guys if you won’t even try it? Look at Anne Heche—she was gay last year and now she is engaged. Who knows how much fun you could have once your hormones get enraged? Just lay back and grit your teeth and let him use his dong. I know Joey and I know it won’t take him very long. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/15 "2001-06-01T04:23:48Z")
I will like the boys when boobies stop being so damn entertaining ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/16 "2001-06-01T12:37:05Z")
[Homer Simpson, approximately] I’m fading away. These used to be C cups! [/Homer Simpson, approximately] ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/17 "2001-06-01T17:46:15Z")
clitoris, boobies fingers and tongue, oral sex quietgirl here soon. [sub]this was probably uncalled for.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/18 "2001-06-01T19:35:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*I will like the boys > when boobies stop being so > damn entertaining \*\* But you told me . . . it was last year, though . . . ah yes, but now I remember **exactly** what you said. [sub]“You have an incredibly sexy chest.” -andygirl’s words to me one day long ago.[/sub] I guess my boobies are entertaining:D ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/19 "2001-06-01T19:57:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > **this was probably uncalled for.** Nope, a perfectly fine haiku. It has 17 syllables. I counted. Three times. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2001, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050/20 "2001-06-01T20:47:30Z")
Oh, crap. These were all to be haikus? Ouch. I goofed . . . and disturbed the flow. And to “But are you sure you don’t like guys/if you won’t even try it?”: Someone needs to read his “andy’s dating histoire” two or three more times. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joey-hemlock-a-love-poem/67050.md?page=2)