# John Madden Pat Summerall Porn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225 "2001-11-19T17:05:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/1 "2001-11-19T17:05:08Z")
As I watched the Bears just barely win yesterday, narrated by the ever erascible John Madden, that Pukeface, I was driven to write down the finest quotes of the day. It started out stupidly (as always) and turned into full blown PORN by the Fourth Quarter. “Ronde Barber was named defensive player of the year last week!” - Madden “I would have liked to have been a pirate” - Summerall “Wouldn’t you like to get inside his body? And just feel what it was like to be inside his body? I bet it would be fun.” - Madden on Tampa Running Back Warrick Dunn “When you hear ‘woah’ out of someone, you know they’re on the other end of a double team” - Madden AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE OF THE DAY, maybe even the year: “Urlacher tried to unload on him while he was going down.” -Madden Thank you John Madden for making a football game a truly slimy experience. jar ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/2 "2001-11-19T17:10:28Z")
It frightens me to think what sort of diagrams Madden would draw on the screen if he broadcast porn. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/3 "2001-11-19T17:26:47Z")
[Madden] "Let’s break down that last play. Lorna Laymi went into the spread position, and then WHAM! Juan Dong comes flyin’ in on a bedpost pattern. Lorna snaps his ball right…there!..and Juan Dong goes deep, see? And you got your legs flying, and you can’t have really good porn with some of THIS! (insert lots of telestrator scribbling here) But then Juan does the ol’ double-fake reverse, and pulls out, see? And then BLAM! All over Lorna’s chest. I’ll tell ya, Pat, I don’t think Fred Biletnikoff used that much stickum." [/Madden] ---
**Author:** ![beegirl13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@beegirl13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beegirl13)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/4 "2001-11-19T17:38:47Z")
Small question…I don’t have a TV here at school, and the last few weekends that I’ve gone home, I noticed that John and Pat weren’t on Fox. Did they go somewhere else? Or did I just happen to go home on odd weekends? Thanks for fighting my ignorance. I really miss football while here at my all-women’s college with only one TV for the whole dorm. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/5 "2001-11-19T17:47:14Z")
They’re still on Fox, they usually do NFC Central games, or big matchups. unfortunately. jar ---
**Author:** ![Dignan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dignan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dignan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/6 "2001-11-19T19:15:02Z")
by **jarbaby** > [@](#): > > “I would have liked to have been a pirate” - Summerall I started cracking up when I heard that one! Somehow I knew I’d see it here. Then Madden starts talking aabout how being out to see is anarchy or something like that. Man, it’s just incredible what these guys come up with. [side note]Nice bank shot by Gramatica! The little punk then trys talking trash to Mike Brown. Brown is a beast and Gramatica trys getting in his face. Give me a break. Gramatica is the kind of person I hate, the only reason he was talking trash was because he knew other people would come to his rescue when he got in over his head. I hate that guy. [/side note] ---
**Author:** ![Dignan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dignan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dignan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/7 "2001-11-19T19:16:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Then Madden starts talking aabout how being out to **see** is anarchy or something like that. Of course I meant _sea_. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/8 "2001-11-19T19:21:15Z")
Nice come aabout. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/9 "2001-11-19T19:22:17Z")
The exact quote of the anarchy incident was funny if they weren’t such sad sack commentators. Madden: Then you could go out to sea and live in anarchy! Summerall: Where’s that? Madden: It’s at sea! And there’s no cops. :rolleyes: THESE GUYS ARE MILLIONAIRES. jar ---
**Author:** ![jmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dbc845/32.png) [@jmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/10 "2001-11-19T20:31:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE OF THE DAY, maybe even the year: > > “Urlacher tried to unload on him while he was going down.” > -Madden You’re just jealous. And, did anybody understand that story about Ty Cobb? I got kind of lost. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pat-summerall-porn/94225/11 "2001-11-19T22:32:12Z")
John Madden. Porn. Thanksgiving Day. Freakish 12 legged turkey on national TV. Do the math.