# John Madden: Pukeface **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980 "2001-10-02T15:17:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/21 "2001-10-03T00:30:38Z")
Okay, so he’s not such a good sports commentator. But he’s a great director! Have you seen _Shakespeare in Love_? What? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/22 "2001-10-03T00:37:40Z")
I hate John Madden. Hate him hate him hate him. And I get the distinct impression that his sidekick Pat feels the same way. Madden has the IQ of a cocker spaniel. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is just so damn stupid. Urgh. And I have Madden 2001 for the PS2. It’s kind of sad, but his commenting on the game is better than in real life, and he’s limited to maybe a dozen or so phrases in the game. Even so, I have to mute him pretty quickly or I go nuts. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/23 "2001-10-03T00:59:22Z")
The weird thing is, Madden _used_ to be good, once upon a time. Now most of what he says is obvious from looking at the screen - which would be OK if he was announcing radio. :rolleyes: He’s been pretty near worthless for about a decade, give or take - it’s been long enough that it’s hard to place just when he started sliding downhill. The ‘color man’ is, IMHO, supposed to provide at least intermittent moments of insight into the game you’re watching. With Madden, that happens maddeningly 😉 infrequently. But because he’s become a Brand Name, he gets to stay on forever - like Garfield, The Family Circus, and George Will. Sheesh. BTW, Ace Hardware - at least, my local Ace Hardware - is fantastic. Too bad Madden is involved with their ads. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/24 "2001-10-03T01:19:35Z")
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Bears, and a smart Bears fan are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart Bears fan and the dumb Bears fan thought it was a gum wrapper. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/25 "2001-10-03T03:07:41Z")
A friend played for Madden in the 60’s-70’s. He says that what you get on the TV is no act. It is straight, honest, that’s the way he is, Madden. This is not necessarily a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/26 "2001-10-03T03:40:02Z")
I watched a comedian on Comedy Central Presents who speared Madden well- down to the stuttering of the obvious. I haven’t liked him since he was crying about the Immaculate Reception. I don’t want to sound like I’m picking on stuttering, but c’mon, how much longer must we be subjected to his inane drivel that takes forever to get out? Replace him with Myron Cope. ---
**Author:** ![croaker67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@croaker67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/croaker67)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/27 "2001-10-03T04:09:09Z")
It’s like anything else you can watch, hear, smell,or taste. If you don’t like it, don’t watch, listen, smell, taste. Not a fan, but there must be something else your T.V. can receive. Let it go… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Slip\_Mahoney](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Slip\_Mahoney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slip_Mahoney)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/28 "2001-10-03T04:42:59Z")
**Bang! Splat! Wow!** [sub]Trademark of Madden Enterprises[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/29 "2001-10-03T05:25:48Z")
I hate fucking John Madden. He doesn’t shut the fuck up. He’ll blather on about a play that happened 7 plays ago. His voice tone is only slightly less annoying than Mark Bellings. Blah, blah, blah goes Madden, making comments neither I, nor anyone else gives a rats ass about. Color guys are supposed to talk alot, but John talks way too much, about stupid shit, and plays that happened 20 minutes ago. Ugh!:mad: ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/30 "2001-10-03T06:09:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pkbites \* > **I hate fucking John Madden. …** Then stop fucking him, ya idjit. ---
**Author:** ![Acco40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Acco40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acco40)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/31 "2001-10-03T13:27:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **croaker67** _: > > If you don’t like it, don’t watch, listen, smell, taste. Not a fan, but there must be something else your T.V. can receive. Let it go… **croaker** : I can’t speak for **jarbabyj** , but she _probably_ can’t let it go. Also she doesn’t respond positively to advice of this sort. Long live Madden. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/32 "2001-10-03T13:53:06Z")
Hi Acco, still carrying that cross around, eh? Croaker, I’d love to let it go, except that I’m a huge football fan, a fan of the NFC, and more to the point, the NFC Central, so if I want to watch a football game, he’s almost certainly calling it, and before you say turn the sound down, I can’t. Because I also need to hear stats and penalties as I play fantasy football. Sorry. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/33 "2001-10-03T14:17:32Z")
Madden has become largely useless and obvious. (Somebody here in an SDMB thread on this same subject about a year ago did a dead-on Madden soliloquy that made me roll, but I’m too lazy to try to find it.) I’m convinced people like him and Summerall for no reason other than the comfort of hearing their familiar voices. When Summerall’s doing play-by-play, it’s the biggest game of the week (But he’s losing it, too. What is the guy, 80?). While I’m here - hey Dennis Miller. Do you possibly think you could put your balls back on by next Monday night? We have football experts to talk football, and that’s all you’ve been doing lately. It sounds stupid coming from you. And you are being an absolute pantywaist. What, under threat from ABC about not being too “out there?” Fuck 'em! You’ve always got the HBO gig to fall back on! Go out Freek Freely style! ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/34 "2001-10-03T14:31:02Z")
[Here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=7131) it is. And of course the Madden impression that made me crack up was by **WallyM7**. Shoulda known. > [@](#): > > “You can see the quarterback right there, getting the ball. It was snapped to him, and now he steps back to throw. Wow! And there goes the ball. Bang! See, there it is. It has to be where it is. There’s the other guy instead. Splat. We talked about this on the bus over here. They need to score points. If they don’t score enough, they’re gonna lose. > Where we gonna be next week Pat?” Damn; I miss that guy. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Perm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@Big\_Perm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Perm)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/35 "2001-10-03T18:30:19Z")
Well, I’ve been lurking on the boards for awhile… and I am stunned to announce that this is the first thread that has prompted me to post 😉 Actually it’s because me and some of my friends used to play the Madden football games occasionally, and we would always twist the repetitive sayings around so they were actually funny. The one we had the most fun with? On a holding penalty: (this is from memory) Holding is a costly penalty, that’s why some offensive lineman tape their hands with white tape if the opponent’s jersey is white, or dark tape if the jersey is dark, that way they can’t see you hold!" Maybe it was funnier to be there, but just think of the gold mine of opportunities in this saying: \*\* Masturbation is a costly penalty, that’s why you lube your hands with lotion for dry skin, or vaseline for chapped skin. I wish I could recall some of the funnier ones… but you get the idea. I encourage everyone to make the best of what little Madden does offer us! BP ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/36 "2001-10-03T19:25:38Z")
Necrophilia is a costly penalty. That’s why I use my penis on Cindy Crawford ::wham:: and Brett Farve’s penis on Strom Thurman ::splat::. Oooh, BP, I Love This Game! ---
**Author:** ![eulalia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eulalia/32/457_2.png) [@eulalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eulalia)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980/37 "2001-10-03T19:45:02Z")
So can you mute the TV and get the commentary on the radio? That’s what I used to do with Bronco games, because KOA’s commentary was so much better than whoever was doing it for the TV network. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-madden-pukeface/84980.md?page=1)