# John Malkovich as Voldemort?  NOOOOOOO!!!!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [May 1, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046 "2004-05-01T22:31:36Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/21 "2004-05-04T02:22:33Z")

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> [@Granuaile](#):
>
> Bugger. It’s only a rumor? I was dusting off my libido at the mere _idea_ of Rickman and Malkovich in the same movie. If they threw Jeremy Irons into the mix I swear they’d have to give it an NC-17 rating. Rrowwrr.
> 
> Any news yet as to who Voldemort will be?

Nah, they’d need an NC-17 if they threw Harvey Keitel in the mix, since he’d be flashing his wang at everyone.

:eek: :eek:

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**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/22 "2004-05-04T03:17:07Z")

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That’s not his wang, it’s his wand.

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**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/23 "2004-05-04T04:03:36Z")

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Og help me.  
I now have an image of Keitel in a wizard’s outfit with his “wand” peeking out.  
:eek:  
Please excuse me while I find some bleach to soak my brain in.

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**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/24 "2004-05-04T04:19:05Z")

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> [@Sampiro](#):
>
> Actually Jeremy Irons wouldn’t be bad.

Jeremy Irons would _rule_ in that role.

I’d certainly start seeing them in the theater instead of waiting for the DVD. Jeremy and Alan on the big screen at the same time? Le _pantpant_

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**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/25 "2004-05-04T04:28:18Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Jeremy and Alan on the big screen at the same time? Le _pantpant_

Back up sister. They’re mine, mine I tells ya! 😃

On second thought, let’s split 'em up. I’ll take Jeremy and you can have Alan. 😉

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**Author:** ![ricksummon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ricksummon/32/3333_2.png) [@ricksummon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricksummon)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-malkovich-as-voldemort-nooooooo/243046/26 "2004-05-04T04:32:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Jeremy Irons would rule in that role.

It’s already been done, you know. 🙂

**LET THEIR BLOOD RAIN FROM THE SKY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!**

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