# John, my friend who is close to “popping some bitch’s cherry”: I pit you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 30, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848 "2004-05-30T22:47:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Harmonix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Harmonix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonix)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/21 "2004-05-31T23:08:08Z")
I think i’ll borrow a page from julius ceaser. True friends stab you in the front. Of course, if he aint a true friend, go the fuck ahead and drop him. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/22 "2004-05-31T23:29:58Z")
He does sound like a jerk _to you_ but, depending on his age, I’d bet his real feelings are somewhere in between what he’s telling you and what he’s telling the girls. I agree that “sex should be a sacred act” is not a justifiable reason to be mad at someone. I also wouldn’t be so quick to judge him before the fact. The girl could very easily 1) Be just as on to him as you are, or 2) Want it. No matter how well you know these girls, you don’t know what they’re thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/23 "2004-05-31T23:57:28Z")
I’d tell him what you just told us, and then tell him you really don’t have any use for him in your life anymore because you think he’s a disgusting pig and life is too short. ---
**Author:** ![RindaRinda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@RindaRinda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RindaRinda)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/24 "2004-06-01T00:02:22Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > I could be overreaching here, but I suspect that in the minds of these girls, they _are_ being “deflowered” and they _do_ want sex to be something more than casual. If these girls shared your values (that there’s nothing wrong with casual sex), then I doubt that Engineer Dude would have written this OP. There would be no need. Of course, I have no way of knowing for sure, but based on this statement from the OP: > [@](#): > > Anytime you give me a vividly romantic description such as that about the girls you are seeing, I only think of one thing: the girls that I know from church, who I am 90% sure are still virgins. **Engineer Dude** may be assuming the girl in question is just like the girls at his church, when she might be anticipating the “popping” just as much as John is. That, plus his statement that sex should be reserved for certain situations, and the use of “deflower,” suggested to me that he is uncomfortable with casual sex, and feels that all these innocent virginal girls must be protected. It just seems kind of condescending to me. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/25 "2004-06-01T00:21:13Z")
> [@RindaRinda](#): > > **Engineer Dude** may be assuming the girl in question is just like the girls at his church, when she might be anticipating the “popping” just as much as John is. That could be true, certainly. I had assumed from the OP that these girls that John is persuading are similar to the “nice, virginal church girls” (perhaps they _are_ one and the same), but perhaps they are not. Either way, certainly John is behaving like a first class ass when he talks about them in such a way. > [@](#): > > That, plus his statement that sex should be reserved for certain situations, and the use of “deflower,” suggested to me that he is uncomfortable with casual sex, and feels that all these innocent virginal girls must be protected. Yeah…you might have a point there. I always thought “deflower” was rather a neutral term (neither negative nor positive—just a colorful way of saying “popping one’s cherry”). I think that the OP is erring on the side of caution, figuring that if these girls are still virgins, then they are that way for a reason—like they are waiting for the “right guy,” like a sensitive guy with marriage in mind. He could be wrong about these girls, but he could be right. If he’s wrong, the girls aren’t hurt (but John’s still an ass). If he’s right, the girls _are_ hurt, and John’s still an ass. Either way, John’s an ass. I didn’t get from his OP that he would have been so concerned or upset had these girls _not_ been virgins who required long periods of “persuasion.” (i.e., they were also into casual sex.) I suspect that if this were the case, the OP still might have ranted about John’s “loose morals,” but the tone of his rant would have been different. Perhaps he would have focused on John’s callous use of the word “bitch” exclusively, but not so much about the sacredness of sex. That’s what I’m getting from the OP, anyway. I think that the OP’s own moral standards are relevant to the rant to a certain extent, because he assumes (and possibly rightfully so) that these “virginal maidens” share similar values and they are being duped by asshole John. But, **Sam Stone** does bring up a good point—perhaps John is all tough talk, and is actually treating these girls quite well. Who knows? I await more information from the OP, about _all_ of this, because of course I don’t really know anything either. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/26 "2004-06-01T14:00:28Z")
Thanks for all the advice (it has helped me calm down quite a bit), and sorry for the not-so-speedy response; this Memorial Day weekend was pretty busy for me. > [@RindaRinda](#): > > I don’t think sex is, for lack of a better word, a sacred act, and using the term “deflower” to describe a girl (not a guy) losing her virginity seems chauvinistic. But it seems you are religious, and feel differently. Anway, you asked for opinions. I use the term “deflower” simply because it’s a short word that everyone is familiar with, rather than “cause a person to lose their virginity”. I guess I never had the term’s connotation in mind. I do not think sex is a sacred act, I just think that it is a good idea not to put sex on the same level as working out at the gym, since sex will almost invariably cause some level of emotional attachment toward the other person, even if the two parties set out not to have that happen. As far as religion is involved, I consider my view to be fairly moderate, since I also believe that sex need not be reserved for marriage (just two people who enjoy being around each other). But I can understand how my view could be seen as religious and extreme by people like John and whatever people don’t have a problem with casual sex. > [@yosemite](#): > > I think that the OP’s own moral standards are relevant to the rant to a certain extent, because he assumes (and possibly rightfully so) that these “virginal maidens” share similar values and they are being duped by asshole John. I should make a distinction here. The girls that John has sex with are by no means virginal maidens. The girl, or “bitch”, that John desribed this time is a girl that happens to be a virgin, but is by no means on the same moral level as the church girls I describe. It’s just that for whatever reason, I always picture these church girls in my mind whenever John mentions “popping cherries”, (I don’t know why, maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment), which is why I just don’t want to hear about it from him. > [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Is it possible that this guy is just trying to sound impressive? And that deep down he’s insecure and unsure of himself, and that he thinks you and other guys will think he’s really “cool” if he talks this way? > > As other posters have said, maybe he just needs a nice talking to, man to man, without bashing his ego. That’s a good point; he may be doing it to sound impressive. Sometimes, whenever he talks about his sex life, I get tired with his stories, so I start to go into a nonchalant “cool, yeah, uh-huh” mood. It could be that he thinks I’m hanging on his every word, rather than just filling spaces in the conversation. Instead, maybe I should say things like “heard it before, John” as well as the talking to that you described (but not the flaming that I wanted to do above). > [@DrDeth](#): > > Are they both 18+? Then, it is their business. Yeah, I should’ve included some ages in my OP. The girl is in her late teens, I believe, although I never inquired from John what her age is and don’t particularly care. I’m 21, and John’s 20. > [@Sam Stone](#): > > I don’t agree at all with these posters saying you should just drop him and not tell him why. If he’s really a friend, you have a duty to tell him that his actions bother you, and that you think they are wrong. It may be painful, but real friendships sometimes involve pain. That seems like the best way of going about it. Although I disagree with his morals and his way of life, John and I do share common interests such as sports and partying (although not to John’s degree). What I’ll probably do is tell him that his actions bother me (as you suggested, and despite it being painful, as you suggested), and that I don’t want to hear about his flings any more. If he continues talking about them, than then, and only then, will I drop him as a friend (although I can understand why some posters think I should drop him as a friend simply because he’s a jerk). > [@](#): > > Hey, if he’s a decent guy otherwise and you manage to get him to change this one huge flaw, perhaps your friendship can be spared. You never know. I dunno about getting him to change his ways. Although by just letting him know about my disagreement with him, perhaps it will influence him to soften up a bit. Not counting on it, though. > [@Boo Boo Foo](#): > > Don’t contact the girl - that would be overstepping the mark. You’re probably right. Although **Evil Captor** ’s “tell her parents” suggestion is damn tempting. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/27 "2004-06-01T14:25:13Z")
> [@Engineer Dude](#): > > I am thinking of delivering the above rant to my friend John. Maybe some of you know similar people. What do you Dopers do about people such as this? It doesn’t have to be exactly what I described above. It can just be a person whose morals you disagree with, and from which you are sick of hearing about their behavior. I realize that this paragraph makes the thread a poll of sorts, but obviously it’s in the BBQ pit because of the venting I did above. I’ve been in a similar situation. My advice: 1. Have a talk with the young lady in question. 2. Get a whole lot of gone between you and John. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/28 "2004-06-01T14:30:36Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Get a whole lot of gone between you and John. That’s good, catchy advice. Kinda like “click it or ticket”. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/29 "2004-06-01T15:36:35Z")
Why on earth should the OP “talk to the lady in question?” There is a presumption inherent in that advise that it some somehow **Engineer Dude’s** personal business who this chick chooses to bone. There isn’t any question of consent or legality here is there? If not then it’s none of the OP’s business. If he doesn’t like the way his friend talks bout women, then by all means he should say so _to the friend_, or maybe rethink the value of the friendship, but I see no value in advising him to insinuate himself into the situation by trying to talk to the girl, or warn her or whatever. If the OP’s friend is an asshole, she’ll figure it out for herself but it’s not the OP s responsibility to safeguard anyone’s hymen. The importance of this girl’s virginity and the circumstances in which she loses it are judgements which belong to her alone. I don’t understand the thinking that a broken hymen is some sort of tragedy anyway. So she won’t be a virgin any more. So what? ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/30 "2004-06-01T15:57:08Z")
ahh… **DtC** always direct and to the point… In any case, I would wonder if this guy is really the dick he seems to be, or is he just acting the part? Funny thing is I have a few friends like that, but when im with him and his “bitch”, lol, he is a freakin pussy cat. Yea when its just us he talks shit, but I just scratch it off to guy talk. If your friend is a good person in every other way, I would expect hes just talking because he thinks guys should talk like that. And “guys” do talk like that, “men” dont. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/31 "2004-06-01T16:09:09Z")
See, now maybe I’m old fashioned, but I tend to think that sex is sex. So, your opening with the fact that the young lady in question has already taken your pal to the heights of oral delight leads me to believe that her ‘deflowering’ is not nearly the big deal to her that it is to you. The only situation that would worry me would be if you suspected that he was doing more than persuade her into intimacy- that there was coerciaon involved. If that’s not the case, why bother? It is a lesson that I learned long aog, after a lot of heartbreak. btw- to the OP- got a sister? Because I might have some bad news for you. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/32 "2004-06-01T17:41:06Z")
> [@Stonebow](#): > > btw- to the OP- got a sister? Because I might have some bad news for you. Only child (thank God), but I’m pretty sure I know what you’re getting at. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848/33 "2004-06-01T23:11:03Z")
> [@Engineer Dude](#): > > Yeah, I should’ve included some ages in my OP. The girl is in her late teens, I believe, although I never inquired from John what her age is and don’t particularly care. I’m 21, and John’s 20. > You’re probably right. Although **Evil Captor** ’s “tell her parents” suggestion is damn tempting. If she is 17 or under, then my advice changes. Tell her parents then. Otherwise, generally butt out, altho a small talk with your freind (“Dude, sometimes the way you talk about women makes me a bit uncomfortable…”) isn’t a bad idea. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-my-friend-who-is-close-to-popping-some-bitch-s-cherry-i-pit-you/247848.md?page=1)