# John Steed vs. Oswald Cobblepot **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 21, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605 "2003-08-21T05:11:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/1 "2003-08-21T05:11:16Z")
Who wins? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/2 "2003-08-21T05:20:35Z")
Oswald (aka The Penguin) slaps a clip into his fully automatic 'brolly and opens up on John Steed, pumping tracer rounds furiously into the wainscoting, until the urbane Steed, cowering behind a teak liquor cabinet that’s being shot to splinters, cries out “Mrs. PEEL! You are NEEDED!” And then Diana Rigg cartwheels out and beats the crap out of Cobblepot. Game over. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/3 "2003-08-21T07:14:46Z")
Mrs. Peel can beat the crap out of me any time. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/4 "2003-08-22T05:19:01Z")
So, in the absence of Diana Rigg in a skintight outfit, this basically boils down to whoever brandishes the better brolly? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/5 "2003-08-22T05:32:52Z")
Well, I will admit I’d be rooting for John Steed, personally. Far classier. And he WAS the good guy. But the Penguin CHEATED like a bad dog, and some of those umbrellas of his were freakin’ lethal! ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/6 "2003-08-22T17:55:42Z")
Steed cheats. It’s part of his style. And he would have no qualms about thumping somebody smaller than him. Nothing good _ever_ came of threatening John Steed with automatic weapons. My guess is it’d all be over in seconds, with one thump from a steel-brimmed bowler. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/7 "2003-08-22T19:44:05Z")
My money’s on Steed – without his umbrella, Cobblepot is an easy target. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-steed-vs-oswald-cobblepot/196605/8 "2003-08-22T20:03:39Z")
Who is John Steed?