# John Wayne would have kicked Chuck Norris's ass **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 11, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808 "2010-12-11T19:34:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/21 "2010-12-12T01:10:43Z")
It may well be that Chuck Norris once was a genuine badass, but he’s turned into an absolute pansy. If he were as tough as the silly cliches make him out to be, then he’d either suck it up and accept reality, or he’d get off his butt and start that armed overthrow of the government he likes to talk about so much. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/22 "2010-12-12T01:17:13Z")
You do know he’s 70 years old, right? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/23 "2010-12-12T01:21:03Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > It may well be that Chuck Norris once was a genuine badass, but he’s turned into an absolute pansy. If he were as tough as the silly cliches make him out to be, then he’d either suck it up and accept reality, or he’d get off his butt and start that armed overthrow of the government he likes to talk about so much. He talks about violently overthrowing the government? Can you give us a cite? I’m genuinely curious. I know he’s a pretty hard core righty, but violent overthrow of the government…? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Amazing\_Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@The\_Amazing\_Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Amazing_Hanna)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/24 "2010-12-12T01:23:43Z")
There´s no doubt that Norris is the better unarmed combattant, but fights seldom happen like that in the real world. In the real world, you win by having other people fight for you, by catching your opponent by surprise, by being better armed, or by intimidating or charming him into not wanting to fight you in the first place. The battle is not always to the strong, as the good book wisely points out. The question we should ask ourselves: which one of the two had the sharpest and most ruthless mind? ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/25 "2010-12-12T01:28:46Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > You do know he’s 70 years old, right? You do know John Wayne is dead, right? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/26 "2010-12-12T01:32:30Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > You do know he’s 70 years old, right? > [@Simplicio](#): > > You do know John Wayne is dead, right? So is Chuck Norris. Death is afraid to tell him. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/27 "2010-12-12T01:54:49Z")
On that note, I really can’t wait till Norris is dead so these horrible jokes finally stop. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/28 "2010-12-12T02:10:18Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > On that note, I really can’t wait till Norris is dead so these horrible jokes finally stop. I suspect they’ll just hop to a different celebrity. They started as Vin Disel jokes, IIRC, so its not like the celebrity is that important, so long as they’re some sort of well known male action star. Which I guess raises an obvious question, when Norris dies, who will be the next Chuck Norris guy? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/29 "2010-12-12T02:12:57Z")
People make jokes about Chuck Norris, but nobody makes jokes about Bruce Lee. That’s because they’re not jokes. Anybody on the internet will tell you, completely in earnest, that Bruce Lee was simply incabable of being defeated. Bruce Lee in his lifetime beat up thousands of men, women and children, most of them at the same time, receiving only a small cut on his upper lip for his troubles, which _did not bleed_. A 40 story building, a shipload of iron ore, and a Boeing B-29 Superfortress once challenged Bruce Lee to a four-way death match; none was ever heard from again. Bruce Lee is widely regarded by most paleontologists to have traveled back in time and beat up the dinosaurs, causing their extinction. Bruce Lee soundly defeated the color brown. Pangea is believed to have separated after it lost a bet against Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee is the unrecognized and uncredited winner of the last nine Super Bowls. Bruce Lee once got in a fight with the air and beat the shit out of it; this is the reason that people now get asthma. in 1959, Bruce Lee traveled to the bottom of the Marianas trench to challenge it to a fight, but the trench backed out. Bruce Lee voluntarily left the Garden of Eden three days before Adam and Eve after leg wrestling the unicorns into submission. Mars was a moon of the Earth before being kicked out of orbit by Bruce Lee. Cheese in Bruce Lee’s refrigerator never went bad because he would fist fight the mold nightly before bed. When he rose again the next morning, his pants would fly onto his legs rather than fight him. The fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris at the end of _Return of the Dragon_ was not part of the movie; rather, it is actual footage of the fight which will take place between them at the end of time in which Bruce Lee will kill Chuck Norris, thus destroying the universe. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/30 "2010-12-12T02:13:04Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > I suspect they’ll just hop to a different celebrity. They started as Vin Disel jokes, IIRC, so its not like the celebrity is that important, so long as they’re some sort of well known male action star. > > Which I guess raises an obvious question, when Norris dies, who will be the next Chuck Norris guy? There can be only one! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/31 "2010-12-12T02:27:46Z")
Actually, I believe that in one movie, Bruce Lee kicks the shit out of Norris – including ripping out a swatch of Norris’s chest hair. Okay, let’s see, maybe Troy Polamalu? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/32 "2010-12-12T03:10:10Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > Steven Seagal is/was a real martial artist and has real skills, but his resume is so padded/fake that it’s hard to separate fantasy from reality with the guy. His resume isn’t the only thing Seagal has padded out. Hey-oh! ---
**Author:** ![poet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@poet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poet)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/33 "2010-12-12T03:15:12Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There’s too much politics in GD, so this is something everybody can weigh in on. > > Mods, kick it over to CS if you have to. I can’t stand Chuck Norris’ Mike Huckabee-loving-ass. Jim “Matress Mac” McIngvale, founder of Gallery Furniture, financed a few of his films, in the 80’s & 90’s. I won’t say anything but “shady”, if anything. Over-hyped and bad acting. He doesn’t hold a candle to John Wayne. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/34 "2010-12-12T03:36:26Z")
> [@poet](#): > > I can’t stand Chuck Norris’ Mike Huckabee-loving-ass. Jim “Matress Mac” McIngvale, founder of Gallery Furniture, financed a few of his films, in the 80’s & 90’s. I won’t say anything but “shady”, if anything. Over-hyped and bad acting. > He doesn’t hold a candle to John Wayne. I don’t think anyone is saying Norris is a better actor, if that’s what you’re talking about. But this thread isn’t about that. It’s about kicking ass, physically. There is no question that Norris could kick Wayne’s ass. Are you disputing that? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/35 "2010-12-12T03:36:28Z")
He likes to leave the impression that he is a Texan, but he is from Oklahoma. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/36 "2010-12-12T03:54:46Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > He likes to leave the impression that he is a Texan, but he is from Oklahoma. At least he’s not from Connecticut, but that does explain the Cherokee ancestry. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/37 "2010-12-12T05:37:43Z")
I’ve been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as ‘Beef, its what’s for dinner’ is, it doesn’t look like a lot of help in a fistfight. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/38 "2010-12-12T05:48:53Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > I’ve been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as ‘Beef, its what’s for dinner’ is, it doesn’t look like a lot of help in a fistfight. Don’t know where that came from. Wayne wasted away from stomach cancer. In his last appearance at the Academy Awards, they put a wet suit on him on under his suit so he wouldn’t look so thin. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/39 "2010-12-12T05:51:03Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > I’ve been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as ‘Beef, its what’s for dinner’ is, it doesn’t look like a lot of help in a fistfight. Sheer crackpot. This came up in another thread and a Doper who is a pathologist said that in autopsy there might be a few pounds of feces at most. Think of the volume 50 lbs. would take up and the claim becomes obviously ridiculous. He was a one-eyed fat man, not constipated. 😃 It was **[Jackmannii](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13235380&postcount=19)** ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/40 "2010-12-12T06:07:29Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > I’ve been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as ‘Beef, its what’s for dinner’ is, it doesn’t look like a lot of help in a fistfight. [Not true](http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/fecalcolon.asp) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808.md?page=3)