# John Wayne would have kicked Chuck Norris's ass **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 11, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808 "2010-12-11T19:34:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/41 "2010-12-12T06:32:33Z")
Well, minus 50 lbs. of impacted feces gives Wayne a fighting chance, but I’d still put my money on Norris. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/42 "2010-12-12T08:21:50Z")
Did Wayne actually have legitimate handgun skills? Not snarking, I have no idea, but could he have hit Norris at 15 yards? ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/43 "2010-12-12T08:31:00Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Did Wayne actually have legitimate handgun skills? Not snarking, I have no idea, but could he have hit Norris at 15 yards? Dunno. Norris was an MP for several years in Korea, so I imagine he had at least decent firearm training though. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/44 "2010-12-12T09:05:21Z")
You realize, of course, that MPs get basically the same amount of respect in armies as snitches get in prisons? ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/45 "2010-12-12T09:11:25Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > You realize, of course, that MPs get basically the same amount of respect in armies as snitches get in prisons? Umm…OK? So…he wouldn’t have gotten firearm training? Not really sure where your going with this. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/46 "2010-12-12T10:44:27Z")
Who would win between Bon Jovi and a blade of grass? Assume Bon Jovi sneaks up on the blade of grass while it’s sleeping. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/47 "2010-12-12T10:56:38Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Umm…OK? So…he wouldn’t have gotten firearm training? Not really sure where your going with this. I’m saying that being an MP should count \*against \*his toughness. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/48 "2010-12-12T12:38:52Z")
Batman wasn’t prepared for Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/49 "2010-12-12T12:50:57Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > I’ve been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as ‘Beef, its what’s for dinner’ is, it doesn’t look like a lot of help in a fistfight. Sounds too me that autopsy report isn’t the only thing that’s full of shit. ---
**Author:** ![godix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/278dde/32.png) [@godix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godix)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/50 "2010-12-12T13:24:04Z")
I don’t understand this question. Sure, John Wayne Gacy had that whole scary crazy pogo the clown thing going on, but really, Norris would kick his homosexual serial killing ass all over the place. Oh, wait, different John Wayne? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/51 "2010-12-12T13:41:50Z")
Walker Texas Ranger would definitely lose to any of the Duke’s characters, as he always waits until he’s in close quarters before doing anything, but I don’t know about the actual men. It just depends on whether the Duke can bite and infect him before he notices anything. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/52 "2010-12-12T14:07:17Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > Good call! John Wayne played the great iconic American hero, but Jimmy Stewart WAS the great iconic American hero. And he was so humble about it that right up to his death many people didn’t know just what he had accomplished in the military. Flying daylight raids in B-17’s was one of the most dangerous things you could do in the war. > > After the war, he continued to serve in the reserves while carrying out his Hollywood movie career, and was eventually promoted to Brigadier General, then was given a retirement promotion to Major General. Not bad for a guy who started as a private, and who had failed the medical for enlistment three times and kept trying until he got in. But how well would he have held against Jean Gabin ? > [@](#): > > [Jean Gabin,]A difficult personality, he did serious damage to his Hollywood career while working for RKO Pictures. Scheduled to star in an RKO film, at the last minute he demanded Dietrich be given the co-starring role. The studio refused. After Gabin remained steadfast in his demand, he was fired, and the film project was shelved. > > Undaunted, Jean Gabin joined General Charles de Gaulle’s Free French Forces and earned the Médaille militaire and a Croix de guerre for his wartime valor fighting with the Allies in North Africa. Following D-Day, Gabin was part of the military contingent that entered a liberated Paris. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/53 "2010-12-12T14:25:05Z")
I can imagine what [Lawrence Tierney](http://www.eddiemuller.com/tierney.html) would say about all of them: “bunch of faggots.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/54 "2010-12-12T15:01:28Z")
> [@godix](#): > > Oh, wait, different John Wayne? Yup, we’re talking about the John Wayne with the detachable penis. ---
**Author:** ![poet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@poet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poet)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/55 "2010-12-12T15:29:34Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > I don’t think anyone is saying Norris is a better actor, if that’s what you’re talking about. But this thread isn’t about that. It’s about kicking ass, physically. There is no question that Norris could kick Wayne’s ass. > > Are you disputing that? All of that martial arts crap would be a moot point to John Wayne’s gun. I don’t like Chuck Norris…so I’m siding with John. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/56 "2010-12-12T18:01:27Z")
> [@poet](#): > > All of that martial arts crap would be a moot point to John Wayne’s gun. > I don’t like Chuck Norris…so I’m siding with John. Well, a skilled and aggresive martial artist can close a reasonable shooting distance in the time it takes to draw a holstered weapon with a strap across the hammer and, possibly, rack the slide to chamber a round, so it’s not exactly moot. But that does bring us back to my earlier question, did John Wayne know how to shoot? ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/57 "2010-12-12T18:17:42Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I’m saying that being an MP should count \*against \*his toughness. Jack Reacher would take down the Duke \*and \*Chuck Norris at the same time. While drinking a cup of coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/58 "2010-12-12T18:19:33Z")
> [@poet](#): > > All of that martial arts crap would be a moot point to John Wayne’s gun. > I don’t like Chuck Norris…so I’m siding with John. Your saying John Wayne could beat Norris if Wayne had a gun and Norris was unarmed? I guess thats probably true, but I’m not sure gunning down an unarmed man counts as “kicking ass”. ---
**Author:** ![notsoheavyd3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85e7bf/32.png) [@notsoheavyd3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notsoheavyd3)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/59 "2010-12-12T18:23:51Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Think of the volume 50 lbs. would take up and the claim becomes obviously ridiculous. > > He was a one-eyed fat man, not constipated. 😃 > > It was **[Jackmannii](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13235380&postcount=19)** This is a bit of a tangent but if anybody wants to see what someone would look like with that much garbage in your colon here’s a link [Balloon man at Mütter Museum](http://anthony-demarco.blogspot.com/2010/02/giant-colon.html) Anyway back on to the subject, nobody is going to bring up how Segal got choked unconscious by an old man? ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808/60 "2010-12-12T18:52:31Z")
> [@notsoheavyd3](#): > > This is a bit of a tangent but if anybody wants to see what someone would look like with that much garbage in your colon here’s a link > > [Balloon man at Mütter Museum](http://anthony-demarco.blogspot.com/2010/02/giant-colon.html) > > Anyway back on to the subject, nobody is going to bring up how Segal got choked unconscious by an old man? This is why I am never sorry I logged on to the 'dope. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/john-wayne-would-have-kicked-chuck-norriss-ass/563808.md?page=4)