# JohnClay, if I might have a word... (not about dieting, I promise) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 16, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403 "2016-04-16T21:14:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/1 "2016-04-16T21:14:57Z")
[**Quasimodal** posted a thread about his depression. I sincerely help he finds the help he needs, soon.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=790451) Now for the ranty part: Dear **JohnClay,** May I offer you some advice about giving advice? FUCKING. DON’T. I mean, if your version of being helpful is shit like > [@](#): > > My friend’s dad recommended skydiving as a treatment for depression. (And my grandmother recommended a slug of whiskey to quiet a teething baby. Administered to the baby, not the mother.) and > [@](#): > > Surely being in a relationship for 3 years shows that you aren’t “unlovable”. It seems likely that you’ll be in another relationship sooner or later, especially if you aren’t too fussy. BTW I didn’t even hold a girl’s hand until I was about 28 and now I’ve been happily married to that girl for 3.5 years. I think a lot of it is due to the large amounts of self-help material I’ve read/listened to. As far as marriages go I like John Gottman’s material. I’m sure many people here would think you’re a nice good guy and they might think I’m a creepy annoying nutcase. Yet I don’t let that bring me down anymore because I’ve got a lover. (“OHAI chance to talk about myself and prove why everyone else on the dope thinks I’m a creepy, annoying, self-absorbed fuck! Also I’m an expert on relationships because I have an available vagina.”) and > [@](#): > > The cause of your depression seems to be due to “external validation” (being loved) (Sugarbeet, I wouldn’t trust you to diagnose King Tut’s mummy with death, let alone the root cause of someone’s depression.) and basically accusing him of being a Nice Guy (in the not nice sense) in post 16. Thank whoever needs thanked that so far no one in that thread has responded to your maunderings from Craniorectal Junction, but this is a board that can’t let someone be wrong on the internet and I only hope it doesn’t trainwreck the thread. Don’t you have some upper arm flab to obsess over or something? Good grief. Love, Me ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/2 "2016-04-16T21:53:43Z")
1. “Love”? :dubious: 2. Bravo! Well done I say! ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/3 "2016-04-17T00:10:33Z")
I feel the same way about **adaher** dropping something he heard on talk radio into a political discussion. It’s also my advice to myself when I’m tempted to weigh in on mental health issues (or physics or NASCAR): If you don’t know much about a subject, just read, don’t post. You might learn something. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/4 "2016-04-17T06:32:07Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I feel the same way about **adaher** dropping something he heard on talk radio into a political discussion. > > It’s also my advice to myself when I’m tempted to weigh in on mental health issues (or physics or NASCAR): > > If you don’t know much about a subject, just read, don’t post. You might learn something. While I agree 100% with you and I truly do hope that this laudable goal could possibly be within reached someday, I am afraid that the number of real fuckwits per capita around here will prevent it. God help us all when summer vacations start. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/5 "2016-04-17T09:07:04Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > [**Quasimodal** posted a thread about his depression. I sincerely help he finds the help he needs, soon.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=790451) > > Now for the ranty part: > > Dear **JohnClay,** > > May I offer you some advice about giving advice? > > FUCKING. > > DON’T. Well you’re entitled to your opinion. > [@](#): > > I mean, if your version of being helpful is shit like > > **“My friend’s dad recommended skydiving as a treatment for depression.”** Like I said it was my friend’s dad’s advice - he mentioned it at the same time I was reading that thread on my phone so I thought it was interesting. BTW in my diet threads people often would say things that aren’t really fantastic advice either. The guy’s point was that the adrenaline from skydiving might temporarily make people forget about their depression. It might be an attempt at humour though. > [@](#): > > (“OHAI chance to talk about myself and prove why everyone else on the dope thinks I’m a creepy, annoying, self-absorbed fuck! Also I’m an expert on relationships because I have an available vagina.”) I think self-help material and John Gottman material is good because it helped me despite me having good reasons in the past to feel sorry for myself. > [@](#): > > and > > “**The cause of your depression seems to be due to “external validation” (being loved)**” > > (Sugarbeet, I wouldn’t trust you to diagnose King Tut’s mummy with death, let alone the root cause of someone’s depression.) In his OP he said “I just feel like I keep sinking deeper in. The theme is that for some reason…I’m unlovable.” Wanting to feel loved means that they want external validation! BTW that was a reason for my own depression and it ended when I found my lover. > [@](#): > > and basically accusing him of being a Nice Guy (in the not nice sense) in post 16. I’m only pointing out that it seemed to be the case in order for him to address the problem. Note that the book I recommended has excellent reviews: > **[Amazon.com: Customer reviews: No More Mr. Nice Guy!: A Proven Plan for Getting...](https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/product-reviews/1586637444)** > > Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for No More Mr. Nice Guy!: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life at Amazon.com. Read honest and unbiased product reviews from our users. I see you ignored post 8. > [@](#): > > Thank whoever needs thanked that so far no one in that thread has responded to your maunderings from Craniorectal Junction, Actually Quasimodal wrote: “I’ll look into the nice guy stuff.” Even though I recommended it doesn’t mean it is a bad idea - remember all the good book reviews. > [@](#): > > but this is a board that can’t let someone be wrong on the internet and I only hope it doesn’t trainwreck the thread. > > Don’t you have some upper arm flab to obsess over or something? Good grief. > > Love, > Me Only other people on this board think my upper arms are flabby. I in fact would prefer there be some flab than they be skinny. BTW when I go for walks or hikes I mainly exercise my legs and butt, not my arms. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/6 "2016-04-17T09:28:56Z")
It took 5 fucking posts to get to arm flab? Why so long? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/7 "2016-04-17T09:30:28Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > It took 5 fucking posts to get to arm flab? Why so long? No Azeotrope brought up the topic in the first post. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/8 "2016-04-17T10:37:56Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > No Azeotrope brought up the topic in the first post. You really had a bad time in highschool didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/9 "2016-04-17T11:00:36Z")
> [@The\_Librarian](#): > > You really had a bad time in highschool didn’t you? I really wanted to get a girlfriend that I was attracted to and I avoided most people’s parties due to anxiety but other than that I had a good time. I was the smartest person in my year level and at my highschool reunion recently people said that they liked how intelligent I was. When I got to university there were lots of people smarter than me and people would say things like “you suck”. Recently one girl said that she was sorry for what happened in high school but I couldn’t get her to explain what she meant. I asked her again on facebook and she unfriended me but we became friends again eventually. When I was in high school I believed in young earth creationism though but in university I became an atheist. I know a lot of intelligent guys (fellow programmers, etc) that believe the universe is about 6000 years old. BTW I didn’t really argue with people in high school - just some teachers… e.g. a maths teacher said that pi was 22/7 but I said it is only _approximately_ 22/7. I also tried to convince teachers/librarians/chaplains about young earth creationism even though it was a Christian school. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/10 "2016-04-17T11:05:23Z")
That was very interesting, please tell us more. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/11 "2016-04-17T11:15:49Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > That was very interesting, please tell us more. More about high school and university: > **[Is your love life more depressing than mine?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293841)** > > (BTW, don’t worry about trying to fix my problem. I’ll figure it out somehow, or get help, or at least I can laugh to myself in a crazed way) Short version: 26 and never been on a date or experienced mutual romantic affection (a kiss, etc) \[I’m not... ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/12 "2016-04-17T13:33:31Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > That was very interesting, please tell us more. False. That was boring, and irrelevant. Tell us _less_. And more to the point, **JohnClay** , please be aware that you have no insights in human psychology that are worth sharing and that when you present your lunatic mad-dog ravings as ‘advice’ you might do some real damage to people in need of help. So STFU! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/13 "2016-04-17T14:50:19Z")
> [@Svejk\_1](#): > > False. That was boring, and irrelevant. It was sarcasm. John doesn’t get sarcasm. He’s funny like that. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/14 "2016-04-17T16:12:57Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I really wanted to get a girlfriend that I was attracted to and I avoided most people’s parties due to anxiety but other than that I had a good time. **I was the smartest person in my year level** and at my highschool reunion recently people said that they liked how intelligent I was. When I got to university there were lots of people smarter than me and people would say things like “you suck”. Recently one girl said that she was sorry for what happened in high school but I couldn’t get her to explain what she meant. I asked her again on facebook and she unfriended me but we became friends again eventually. When I was in high school I believed in young earth creationism though but in university I became an atheist. I know a lot of intelligent guys (fellow programmers, etc) that believe the universe is about 6000 years old. BTW I didn’t really argue with people in high school - just some teachers… e.g. a maths teacher said that pi was 22/7 but I said it is only _approximately_ 22/7. I also tried to convince teachers/librarians/chaplains about young earth creationism even though it was a Christian school. Bolding mine No you weren’t, not unless that was a particularly stupid graduating class. Did your community figure out how all the lead got into the water supply when you were young? ---
**Author:** ![slumtrimpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@slumtrimpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slumtrimpet)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/15 "2016-04-17T16:36:32Z")
ya know, I’ve been a member of this board for 12 some odd years and I don’t post much. Sometimes I feel guilty about that because contributing to the board is what makes it a board. If it was all read only types like me it wouldn’t be worth much. Then I read a thread like this and all the guilt goes away. Thank you for that. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/16 "2016-04-17T17:36:00Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Like I said it was my friend’s dad’s advice - he mentioned it at the same time I was reading that thread on my phone so I thought it was interesting. BTW in my diet threads people often would say things that aren’t really fantastic advice either. The guy’s point was that the adrenaline from skydiving might temporarily make people forget about their depression. It might be an attempt at humour though. Yeah, I’ve heard the joke. “Go skydiving without a parachute. That’ll cure your depression, har-de-har-har!” BTW you don’t “forget” about depression. And I read the diet threads because apparently I’m a masochist or something and their advice wasn’t bad, it just didn’t fit in with that you’d already decided was the only right way. > [@](#): > > I think self-help material and John Gottman material is good because it helped me despite me having good reasons in the past to feel sorry for myself. BLAH BLAH ME. ME ME BLAH. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ME ME ME! Oh, and depression is not the same as feeling sorry for yourself. Learn it. Memorize it. I’d tell it to tattoo it on your arm so you don’t forget it, but you’re so fucking literal-minded that you’d probably do it. > [@](#): > > In his OP he said “I just feel like I keep sinking deeper in. The theme is that for some reason…I’m unlovable.” > > Wanting to feel loved means that they want external validation! BTW that was a reason for my own depression and it ended when I found my lover. Or it could be that thanks to a chemical imbalance in his brain, he’s having trouble processing emotions. I don’t know. He doesn’t know. He might need therapy. He might need medication. I did. He might not. The only way to know is to go to a licened medical type of person to find out. Every case is different and what works for one might not work for someone else. And I wish I had a nickel for every person who told me I just had to get laid/ find the right boyfriend and all my troubles would magically vanish. > [@](#): > > I’m only pointing out that it seemed to be the case in order for him to address the problem. Note that the book I recommended has excellent reviews: > [Amazon.com: Customer reviews: No More Mr. Nice Guy!: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life](http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/product-reviews/1586637444?tag=viglink20265-20) So do pickled sausages, pantry moth traps, and dinosaur porn. I’m sure that book was liked by and useful to a lot of people, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right one. I did see that\*\* Quasimodal \*\*said he’d look into it. Look into it, not “omigawd that sounds like me!!!” > [@](#): > > Only other people on this board think my upper arms are flabby. I in fact would prefer there be some flab than they be skinny. BTW when I go for walks or hikes I mainly exercise my legs and butt, not my arms. Now I’m picturing him walking along with buns of steel, a beer belly, upper arms like a flying squirrel. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/17 "2016-04-17T17:37:43Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > While I agree 100% with you and I truly do hope that this laudable goal could possibly be within reached someday, I am afraid that the number of real fuckwits per capita around here will prevent it. God help us all when summer vacations start. I prefer the Christmas break trolls myself. They liven up the place during that dull period between the holidays and the Super Bowl. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/18 "2016-04-17T18:13:32Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > Now I’m picturing him walking along with buns of steel, a beer belly, upper arms like a flying squirrel. :eek: …and moobs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/19 "2016-04-17T19:09:37Z")
Re: skydiving to cure depression. > [@JohnClay](#): > > Like I said it was my friend’s dad’s advice - he mentioned it at the same time I was reading that thread on my phone so I thought it was interesting. BTW in my diet threads people often would say things that aren’t really fantastic advice either. The guy’s point was that the adrenaline from skydiving might temporarily make people forget about their depression. It might be an attempt at humour though. I will use small words. The “joke” about skydiving while you are depressed means that that the depressed person should kill themselves by jumping out of an airplane. It is not funny. It is very, very mean to put it in a thread to someone who is depressed. > [@](#): > > Only other people on this board think my upper arms are flabby. I in fact would prefer there be some flab than they be skinny. BTW when I go for walks or hikes I mainly exercise my legs and butt, not my arms. Wow. Granted this is a Pit thread about you, but do we really have to talk about your weight or physical condition again? All in favor of never discussing **JC** ’s fitness again? AYE! Also, **JC** shut up (do not type or contribute) about ANYTHING relating to depression or mental health. Your experience is uniquely yours and your posts seem custom-designed to make the OP feel like shit. Stop replying. Never reply. Don’t start any posts. Your complete lack of empathy (or your self-entitled trollery) is only going to damage already fragile folks. I understand that this might you feel great, but I think it’s ass-hattery of the highest-order. Just shut up. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403/20 "2016-04-17T19:55:13Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > More about high school and university: > [Is your love life more depressing than mine? - Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293841) All that tells me is that you have been a very strange person for at least 12 years now. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnclay-if-i-might-have-a-word-not-about-dieting-i-promise/752403.md?page=2)