# Johnny English: I want my life back **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 20, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387 "2003-11-20T23:16:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/1 "2003-11-20T23:16:07Z")
I have never witness such a violently putrid waste of celluloid in my existence. A film this bad makes me question whether _any_ deity exists. Compared to this, _Spice World_ was fucking _Citizen Kane_. A word to the wise, British film-makers: stop it. Do it properly or not at all. Paying Rowan Atkinson to reprise a character from a dated series of Barclaycard advertisements is neither original nor entertaining. I telephoned Telewest at 9.15pm tonight to ask if there was a fault with their PPV movie channel, since it was supposed to kick off at 9pm. I wish I’d asked if they could keep the fault in place longer, so that I could have had a bastard refund and got on with something better, like clearing hair from the plughole in the bathtub. _Addendum:_ [Ben Miller](http://uk.imdb.com/name/nm0587950/), I always thought you were quite funny. Why has your entire film career been such a [catalogue](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0134033/) [of](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0238660/) [unmitigated](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0283534/) [crap](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0188453/)? (well, okay, _The Parole Officer_ wasn’t too bad) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/2 "2003-11-20T23:48:02Z")
Oddly enough, I kind of liked it. I keep hoping for _Blackadder - The Motion Picture_ though. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/3 "2003-11-20T23:55:08Z")
I used to want that. And then I saw [Blackadder: Back And Forth](http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005O0R3/ref%3Dbr_lf_li_1_1/202-1806129-6523811), the most recent special edition show. Let’s just say that my arse has produced more original, unpredictable comedy writing than they managed there. The shame of it is that _Blackadder Goes Forth_ is one of the best comedy series’ ever, in my opinion, and yet our Rowan has singularly failed to do anything decent since (again, in my opinion). ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/4 "2003-11-21T00:09:01Z")
I kinda liked _Johnny English_. I give it maybe a 6 out of 10. _Black Adder_ is da shiznit, though. “I have…a cunning plan!” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/5 "2003-11-21T00:17:15Z")
“I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with **T**.” -“Breakfast!” “What?!” -“I always start my breakfast with a cup of tea.” ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/6 "2003-11-21T00:18:26Z")
Johnny English was average, which was pretty good for this years crop of movies. And you’ve obviously not watched a lot of movies if you think this is the worst you’ve seen. Call me when you’ve seen Bigfoot masturbating to a Britney Spears magazine, Leslie Neilson shirtlessly kill a man to rape a woman only to be killed by a bear, or someone mount an open wound during sex. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/7 "2003-11-21T00:22:11Z")
**Tars** … I see you got the extended version of _Two Towers_… ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/8 "2003-11-21T03:56:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\ ***Tars** … I see you got the extended version of _Two Towers_… \*\* I seriously laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Ruiniform](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9de053/32.png) [@Ruiniform](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruiniform)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/9 "2003-11-21T04:14:33Z")
I wholeheartedly agree, Crusoe. Not only was the film unwatchably boring, but gratuitously disgusting at some parts as well. I could have done something more constructive with that forever-lost hour and a half, like feeding hungry children…or watching paint dry. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/johnny-english-i-want-my-life-back/214387/10 "2003-11-21T13:43:31Z")
One of only two movies that I actually walked out of the theatre in the middle of. Ugh.