# Join the Cecilian Mafia! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578 "2000-06-16T14:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/21 "2000-06-16T16:49:54Z")
Hmmm … the numbers guys are always the first to wilt under the pressure of the feds and rat. (Eyeing Mully suspiciously …) ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/22 "2000-06-16T16:56:47Z")
Simpering lackey signing up. In blood, of course… ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/23 "2000-06-16T16:57:23Z")
I’m with Moosie Girl. You can never have enuff women to distract from the real agenda. ---
**Author:** ![filthy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@filthy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filthy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/24 "2000-06-16T16:59:19Z")
I’ll do the hits for free. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/25 "2000-06-16T17:00:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Simpering lackey signing up. OK. Chief gets my vote for the Fredo Corleone of this group. Let’s keep him out of the way and send him off to Vegas. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/26 "2000-06-16T17:13:15Z")
Sledman The Icebox- No joke. We are going to have an all-out war with the Vos Savant family. You will be a perfect hitman. Little Milo- You and tymp go to Vinny the arms dealer. I hear he has some new .45s in. Also, because this may involve the incineration of several buildings, pick up some napalm. I hear Vinny has an RPG7 or two in. We will need these if anyone tries to escape. "Chief"Scott- You good with chemistry? Cuz da mob needs a few stills, if ya know what I mean. You can operate a still, can’t ya? We need high-end stuff to fuel our cars and for Molotov Cocktails. Whirlwind Kriket- Can you use a tommy gun? We need plenty of women to distract men while we gun down the accomplices of Old Lady Savant. Filthy- again, how can I expand on that name? You will come with us as we raid the storehouses of the Vos savants. You will also be our executioner of the trolls. IMPORTANT!!! If any of the family knows the names of trolls, it would be good to let everyone be aware of it, as the family eill look out for eachother in these matters. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/27 "2000-06-16T17:13:46Z")
Perfect. Now I won’t have to spring for airfare to the Doperfest! But I’m never taking your kid fishing, **Milo**. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/28 "2000-06-16T17:22:08Z")
I’ll be the doctor who don’t ask too many questions. I’ll also wet my beak in our numbers operations. Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/29 "2000-06-16T17:31:57Z")
You need any buildings blown up? Or, shall we say, you need any cooks to accidently leave the stove on? I’m your guy. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/30 "2000-06-16T17:41:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Hmmm … the numbers guys are always the first to wilt under the pressure of the feds and rat. Are you trying to say I’ll fold quicker than a deadbeat in a high stakes poker game? Please. I am loyal to the operation. There is no chance I could be bought by the other side. They could offer me millions to share the inside secrets and rat out the family. Cars, houses, women. They could offer it all. In fact, I’d like to see them try. Yeah, I’ll just accept it to screw with them. That’ll show them. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/31 "2000-06-16T17:51:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*padeye- I don’t understand. Do you want to be face down in a pile of ziti or do you want to explain how you found this place to The Mullinator and me? > \*\* No one wants to be face down in a pile or red sauce but it’s often a consequence of _our thing_. It’s a qlote from _The Godfather_ when Hyman Roth (the character patterned after Meyer Lansky) is telling Michael to just forget about the assasination of Moe Green (Bugsy Siegel) because it’s “just business.” ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/32 "2000-06-16T18:20:13Z")
tradesilicon, they call my sili. This is due largely to my Sicilian background (I eat tomatoes), and that insident last year, when I rubbed out a guy by makinim drown himself wid a glass of coolaid. Da boss said “you auta just shotem, sili.” At your service. Discretion is my middle name. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/33 "2000-06-16T18:32:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Little Milo- You and tymp go to Vinny the arms dealer. I hear he has some new .45s in. Also, because this may involve the incineration of several buildings, pick up some napalm. I hear Vinny has an RPG7 or two in. We will need these if anyone tries to escape. You mean Vinny “The Pipe Fitter” Bodoni? Lynn Bodoni’s cousin? Man, I don’t want to mess with that guy unless Whirlwind Kriket is there with the tommy gun to watch my back while the whole deal goes down. There ain’t nothin’ more intimidating than a dominatrix smurf named Whirlwind Kricket. I’m sure she can keep Vinny in line. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/34 "2000-06-16T18:44:57Z")
Boss, I found this guy outside wantin’ to know what the third word that ends in ‘gry’ is. What you want I should do wit’em? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/35 "2000-06-16T18:54:53Z")
[shameless self-promotion] I don’t know how good of a hitman I’d make . . . 1. I don’t like violence 2. I don’t like guns 3. I still think violence does not solve much of anything. However: 1. As anyone who made the mistake of going to my homepage can attest, I’m fairly fit and fairly active. 2. That pic, as stated in another thread, is 6 months old. I’m bigger (not fat) now. 3. Black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I was supposed to register my hands and feet as lethal weapons. Oops. 4. I didn’t go to public school, but I have been to three psychologists, so I guess I have that mental instability you sometimes look for in a personal bodyguard. 5. Bruce Lee is my hero. 6. If nothing else, I can teach the young’ens of those who go out to do the bidding of Unca Cece. I’m going to be a grade school teacher after I get through with college. I’ll even teach them martial arts (no, not marital arts, martial arts) so they can go out on hits with daddy. 7. I also know how to make bombs. I ain’t no chem major, but the Jolly Roger’s Cookbook is useful stuff. [/shameless self-promotion] Anyway, hope some of this helps you out. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/36 "2000-06-16T18:59:01Z")
Little Milo, How ‘bout you bring the little punk in and fit him with some stylish concrete goloshes? I think he’ll find his answers at the bottom of the river. Or maybe da boss got somthin’ better in mind for 'im. Hope you don’t take no offense at my last request, Little Milo. I know you’re tough and all. I just thought we could use another heavy when we head over to Vinny’s place. ---
**Author:** ![Sledman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Sledman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sledman)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/37 "2000-06-16T19:37:21Z")
What, we got a snooper? I hear they are building a new ballpark in Milwaukee… I think the little maggot would look good by 3rd base. Abouts 8 feet under 3rd base to be exact. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/38 "2000-06-16T19:57:29Z")
Ya don’t gotta be no moutpiece ta be a consiglieri. Ya just gotta know what gives. I been tru da Castellamare War when we went to da mattresses, know what I’m talking about? I’m wired wit Tamanny Hall. I was bagman back in ‘57 when me and Vito was crankin’ da street vig outa da Sout Side. I want dat job. I paid my doos. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/39 "2000-06-16T20:02:59Z")
Oooh ooh ooh!!! I know where we can get fancy-ass [zoot suits](http://www.zootsuitstore.com) and look sharp. My old double-breasted suit is tight in the waist these days :o otherwide I’d wear it. I wanna be the psycho guy who wacks people for the fun of it, or if they mildly annoy me. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/40 "2000-06-16T20:40:30Z")
“painless” DoctorJ- You will be the guy who patches up our gunshot or katana (stupid yakuza!) wounds. Talk to da **Chief** , stop by his stills and chem lab. He might have some morphine or demerol, if ya knows what I mean. Vandal da Violater- We need those weaselly crooks who hang out at da Vos Savant soup kitchen dealt wit immediately. Team up wit my boys and make 'em pay. Da Mullinator- What the Hell are you jabberin about? Ya got cars, money and easy women right here. And it’s tax free! Sili- I like your style. Can you make a good red sauce? If ya can, I like ya even more. And the whole killing-with-Kool-Aid-thing is nice also. Consider yourself one of da gang. tymp “da brains”-Go take **Whirlwind Kricket** with you. Hell, I don’t go out in public anymore without her either. Too much crime on the streets. Little Milo- First, we’ll fit him for cement overshoes, see? Then we rig him up on a rack. Then we tell him we poisoned him. Then we finally take him out gangland style,eh? iampunha The Train- You will be able to help us in our trollhunt. The big Don doesn’t like those _gambinos_ running around. You good with a lead pipe? Icebox- I like the way you think. We’ll save that burial for the old lady Vos Savant. Then she’ll be able to debate da Monty Hall question wit da worms, eh? Wine Bottle Wally- Ahh, it’s good ta have an experienced one in the family. You be able to get us some inside dirt on dat crone Vos Savant? Maybe yous can help da Train in our hunt. Olent"zero"- We got the zoot suits on tha way. You can join da psycho club, they’re over there, beating on **xfiles** and **BANNED** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=3)