# Join the Cecilian Mafia! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578 "2000-06-16T14:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/41 "2000-06-16T20:46:55Z")
Well, as someone who had a honest-to-gosh, no foolin’ Uncle Rocky, I think I’m qualified to be in the Cecilian mafia. Do you have anyone to be the Don’s hot mistress yet? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/42 "2000-06-16T20:50:06Z")
I wanna be the God Father! No wait, I suppose Uncle Cecil probably has that role staked out. Okay then, I’ll be the Clod Father! The other, much less bright, much less important guy that nobody can understand. Y’know, the one the family keeps around for comic relief. Or I could be that inconsequential guy who dies in the first reel of the movie. And then you other Good Fellas could spend the rest of the movie trying to avenge my death. And then, at the end, it turns out that \ I’m still alive!!! Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/43 "2000-06-16T21:49:06Z")
Don Coldfire Tomassino reporting for duty. I’m the guy that everyone just loves and trusts, but I’m also the guy that will rat on each and every one of you in the end. _“Ah, que pane! Ma, que olio a oliva!”_ (Don Tomassino on Sicily, having lunch) ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/44 "2000-06-16T22:10:41Z")
Hmm _digs out her little black dress_ Will I be needing this? Or shall I just get a violin case as well and kill them all with my playing (Since I have never learned to play the violin…) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/45 "2000-06-16T23:01:30Z")
red\_dragon60: I played baseball for three years in high school. I’ll be lifting weights in my room if you need my services with anything big and painful. And I look damned good in a suit. ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/46 "2000-06-16T23:03:29Z")
Hm… I married, and divorced, a Sicilian - and survived to tell the story. _shifts so that the stiletto in the top of her stocking is briefly visible_ Anything I can do for you? ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/47 "2000-06-17T00:18:59Z")
I’m a lawyer, and I’ll be the consiglieri, or your designated mouthpiece if Wally’s set on the job. As long as I get to occasionally participate in making a real estate deal for the occasional troll on the side… ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/48 "2000-06-17T00:24:59Z")
To take charge of the working girls. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/49 "2000-06-17T01:57:55Z")
Well, I am a locksmith/security tech. So I am more than qualified for any B&E and wire taps. You need blackmail material no sweat. You need a safe opened? HA HA I could do that left-handed without breaking a sweat. But wait there is more! Not only that, but I did study forensics in collegean have stayed up to date in that field. Want someone to clean up a crime scene? Better still point the evidence towards our rivals? _laugh_ sure but what am I supposed to do after lunch? AND as a bonus I do own a SVD Draganov rifle (Soivet sniper rifle) for those occasional “reach out and touch someone” jobs. With the lack of Nazi ground hogs in alabama I am willing to help out the family. I even own a really nice Soviet officers overcoat Nice big and gray. Lots of room for concealing the tools of my trade. I would be proud of helping out Unca Cecil and family if you so choose. COuld I have a sidekick/aprentice? Osip ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/50 "2000-06-17T02:12:52Z")
Hey , Don Coldfire Tomassino what size shoes you take anyway? [inner voice]_If I can do it quickly and quietly I might just get away with wackin’ a made guy_[/inner voice] ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/51 "2000-06-17T02:13:49Z")
FWIW: [shameless self-promotion, except not really] My grandmother grew up in a VERY small town in Normandy (the population doubled when my family stayed there for a month, and my family is 6 people) in the early part of this century. When the Germans invaded France the house was seized (luckily her family no longer lived there) and there were a helluva lotta Nazi soldiers living in it. When someone from my family (general, not immediate) went back to salvage the remains, they found not only the house largely intact but some souvenirs left over. Included were various forms of paraphernalia such as a sword and helmet, and some other stuff. Very cool stuff in 8th grade history. Anyway, I like to think sometimes that a little bit of the harshness of those guys (and nothing else, God save me otherwise) rubbed off. And no, I don’t have the stuff anymore. It would make for a rather interesting fantasy, though. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/52 "2000-06-17T02:29:57Z")
Jesus H. Christ on a neon green 1969 Harley Davidson Electra Glide Flat Head, what the fuck _are_ you talking about, iampunha? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/53 "2000-06-17T02:39:12Z")
Hey Wally that threw you out of character . 😃 Doesn’t sound like the guy who said : “I want dat job. I paid my doos.” Maybe you not from Sicilian blood after all . Hey what size you shoes you wear ? And what the feck are you talking about iampunha ? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/54 "2000-06-17T02:54:26Z")
Okay . . . All I meant was that I can be a lean, mean fighting machine b/c I have come across Nazi paraphernalia (damn, I hate spelling that word). Not condoning what they did, just saying, dang it’s cool to have that shit in your house when you’re 13 and still relatively naïve. Even tried on the helmet, whence the deduction that it was hitler youth stuff, along with the canteen and sword and something else. There was a loaded gun or some other explosive in the house, which prompted the police to come over and escort it away (this in France, not in my house). ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/55 "2000-06-17T02:57:33Z")
Osip - I’m your man! I’ve always wanted to be introduced as someone’s “little friend.” And I think the Cecilian Mafia, being more enlightened than the average, could use someone in genetics. Why waste someone the old-fashioned way when we can bioengineer a bug to give her a much slower, more painful, and best of all, untraceable death? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/56 "2000-06-17T03:17:18Z")
Now I see iampunha , it all makes sense now . 😕 ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/57 "2000-06-17T07:42:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > It’s a qlote from _The Godfather_ when Hyman Roth (the character patterned after Meyer Lansky) is telling Michael to just forget about the assasination of Moe Green (Bugsy Siegel) because it’s “just business.” > \*\* Close, but not quite. Michael Corleone asks Hyman Roth who gave the order for the assassination attempt on Frank Pentangeli. (“Who gave the order? I know I didn’t”) Roth tells him about Moe Green, who he ran Molasses with, and was fond of. Moe Green turned up dead (killed by Corleone’s goons in Godfther 1) and Roth, who certainly knows that Corleone was responsible, said that when it happened, he let it go: “I never asked (cough) who gave the order. (cough) BECAUSE IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BUSINESS!” My expertise in Godfather history, incidentally, is my application for being a mafioso in the “Adams family.” By the way, I think we need a new name. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/58 "2000-06-17T12:35:12Z")
Wally! Get your pants back on! When I said, “Tonight he sleeps with the fishes,” that’s **not** what I meant! ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/59 "2000-06-17T17:12:26Z")
Lucky Lucretia- We are always in need of hot mistresses. Can you mix a martini? FreakFreely da freak- Welcome, Clod Father! You’re seat is right over there. Just watch out for the ottoma- BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Don Coldfire- You will help me take care of the little _gambinos_, right? I do need extra help ratting out the trolls to the fuzz. Topaz da temptress- You will need that dress to distract the enemies of the family. Then you can kill them with your violin playing. If that doesn’t work, just get one of the boys to gun 'em down for ya. “Sassy”- You can be our inside word on the enemies of the family. Can you use that stiletto? We could always use someone who is both beautiful and deadly. “The 2nd law”- You can defend the family, should we ever need it. You will also instruct us as to what puts you in for more time, arson or murder. Or extortion. Sweet Sweet\_lotus- I will have you in charge f the girls then. Make sure they can use fully automatic weapons in dresses. That is your first assignment. Osip the Weasel- I will have you as our overall sneaky guy who does all of our hard work. You will have to follow us around to cover up any evidence. Also to open up any safe that “fall from the sky.” You will also be the sniper for our Don Cecil, should he need one. For tha rest of da boys, keep up the good work. We took out the extortion racket the Vos Savants had on both Encyclopaedia Brittanica and Webster’s. And we sent 3 trolls to sleep with the fishes. ---
**Author:** ![flup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d07c76/32.png) [@flup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flup)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/60 "2000-06-17T18:29:59Z")
Beloved Godfather, honored Gentlemen; I would like to nominate myself for the position of Don Ceciliano’s right hand, otherwise known as Consigliere. I have seen several people nominate themselves for this position, but I have not heard reddragon appoint one, thus I shall assume that the position is till open. Here we go, reasons why I should take this position: ``` "Consigliere" is Italian for "counselor", one who serves as the visier as it were for the Don Himself, as well as a general attorney, information broker, and agenda-setter, general secretary, frontman, and any other duty seen fit for the good Don. I am perfect for this position- I am a know-it-all, and information broker. I report only to the Don himself or his caporegimes, those subordinate to the Don but the head of there own branches of the family, like red dragon here. Most of you will have to report to the Consigliere at some point, as he collects information and orders to create a viable agenda to execute for maximum gangwar efficiency. Here are my qualifications: -I'm pre-law ``` -I’m a linguistics major, and speak english, spanish, klingon, konkani, sanskrit, and a bit of japanese. -I have done no time (a man who is Consigliere needs to be 110% CLEAN) - I negotiate well. It is also a duty of the consigliere to meet with the friends and rivals of the Family to negotiate terms of meeting with the Don. -(lastly, and perhaps most importantly) I’m sitting here with an open copy of Mario Puzo’s original novel “The Godfather” (it’s like a how-to manual!) and I have noticed that thus far I am the only one to spell Consigliere correctly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=4)