# Join the Cecilian Mafia! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578 "2000-06-16T14:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/81 "2000-06-19T20:32:31Z")
Arsenic- Your driver is **Cadillac Rachelle**. I hope you two will get along fine. She tends to drive men wild, in both senses. “pure” TVeblen- You will be our cover. You will hold library readings and free children’s workshops in the den. However, you will also moonlight as our assassin. Lucky Lucretia- I’m sure Don Cece won’t mind if we get a _little_ closer. By the way, gin. Babar the Bear- Well, we always need appreentices. Follow **Little Milo** or **The Mullinator** on one of their “trips.” You might pick up a few lessons. brachyrhynchos the unpronouncable dame- You can be in our assassin squad. Yes, what other mob family has an assassin SQUAD? I don’t think we need to worry about the bags. We can just put biohazard stickers on hefty bags. Topaz- Lookin fine… dpr, which means “dangerously productive racketeer”- I want you to be an info broker on the team. We need info on everyone involved with the law, and lots of dirt on the Vos Savants. I also need you to extort and blackmail these people at certain opportunities. Swimming “with the fishes” Riddles- You can be one of our arm bimbos. You do not need to be aware of anything that goes on. Your name describes where your mind usually will be when we discuss “family matters.” Sili- Let’s keep em around for a while. I need a human coatrack though… Oh well, we will see how it turns out. Spotless Shirley Ujest- Sounds good. Talk to our info brokers and spies for any material you might need. Also, the paper WILL NOT carry Family Circus. I find even the name offensive to our organization. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/82 "2000-06-19T20:49:37Z")
Hmmm…can I be the innocent dame who slowly gets lured in by the pull of the underworld? ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/83 "2000-06-19T22:41:55Z")
Jus’ call me Brachiatin’ Brachy. I float like a butterfly and sting like an Africanized bee. I lead with my lips and follow with my right. Like my momma used to say, “You can get further with a kind word and a mallet than you can with just a kind word.” Oh, and can iampunha be part of the assasin squad? **drool - no shirt, long hair - slobber** Gathering herself, she turns on her 4-inch heels, and walks lazily toward to door. Looking over her shoulder, she winks and points the mallet at the gang. “You guys moider me!” she says, in her breathy Margaret Dumont best. ---
**Author:** ![flup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d07c76/32.png) [@flup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flup)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/84 "2000-06-20T03:18:34Z")
Signor Dragon- I gotta say, I like this Babar guy’s style, but he’s a rotten fucking liar. I mean, you don’t really HAVE a leather jacket, now do you, Babby? Who’s persuasive? I think we need to recruit that Jack Hanna animal dude. That would just be COOL. We could always use a spare llama. Shirley, I’d like to enlist your services effective immediately. You’ll make an excellent informant, as well as a propagandist. And I think we need to act. As Consig and chief negotiator, perhaps I should begin work on a letter to the column of Vos Savant to deliver an offer she can’t refuse from Nosrta Little Cosa, yes? I believe in violence only when reason fails. And you all know Vos Savant- reason WILL fail. Questions/Objections? ---
**Author:** ![Argeable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Argeable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argeable)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/85 "2000-06-20T03:31:02Z")
That’s it! I’ve had just about enough of this organization!! This is a raid! If I don’t find a large pile of money, every last one of you will be in jail before the end of today! :: speaks into microphone “get ready boys”:: Well, I don’t see any money! ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/86 "2000-06-20T05:18:28Z")
I think the money is where I left it… in your rib cage. Let me just get it for you. Pitty your spine is in the way. And flup, I know it’s hard to see my cool Wilson’s jacket when you’re CHUGGIN’ RED DRAGON’S COCK. You wanna go a round, Star Wars Dude? No? Then quit yer bitching and let me do my job. (how’s my tough guy image working for ya?) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/87 "2000-06-20T05:24:26Z")
brachy said: “Oh, and can iampunha be part of the assasin squad?” The hair’s longer, baby (in a ponytail about 8 inches long), and for Cecilian purposes the shirt can stay off for hits. Heck, maybe we’ve got a coupla bent Vos Savants in there. Would nunchucks be against C mob policy? You’d be surprised how effective they are at “dealing” with guns. And nightsticks, and knives, and poles, and clubs, and pool cues, and . . . you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/88 "2000-06-20T05:37:42Z")
> [@](#): > > That’s it! I’ve had just about enough of this organization!! This is a raid! If I don’t find a large pile of money, every last one of you will be in jail before the end of today! :: speaks into microphone “get ready boys”:: Well, I don’t see any money! _Argeable and his “boys” are met by me dressed to the nines and the violin under my chin… raises the bow and draw it slowly across the strings beginning to play…_ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/89 "2000-06-20T05:41:20Z")
earplugs for all Cecilians. Topaz, would you like the assistance of a solid lead pipe? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/90 "2000-06-20T05:56:51Z")
iampunha I think a lead pipe would bevery helpful. _continues to play “Mary had a little lamb”_ ---
**Author:** ![Sledman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Sledman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sledman)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/91 "2000-06-20T13:45:23Z")
OK it seems we got some problems and Icebox don’t like when things don’t run smooth! Argeable…I’m thinking it is in the best interest of your family to call off the heat AND come up with a reason for this shakedown. I won’t stop da Temptress if you don’t…(Not that I really could stop her.) Babar…you are intimating some things about the family…… Red Dragon….I gots this 55 gallon drum with a 125hp Merc. dropped in the water for testing purposes… You want I should see who….er… what else I can get in the barrel before testing? ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/92 "2000-06-20T15:37:59Z")
Tha Falcon- Sounds like a plan to me.I think that you will find the underworld a pleasing change. Brachy- we might need you at the door to meet the coppos. They seem to be getting very feisty today. Flup- Chill, man. He could take bullets for you! Work on getting Jack Hanna. He works 15 minutes away from me, so it should be easy. Llamas are always good. I like your plan for doing in the old lady. We’ll work on it. Argeable- ::puts MP5 in holster:: I think you willfind this amount most pleasing. As I can see that we have you outnumbered, and there is a rocket-propelled grenade pointed at your car, I suggest you leave now. I believe the Vos Savants are working with some trolls on a still. Check that out. First, though, you must applaud TopazAntares. iampunha- Nunchucks are fine. We also have a large supply of katanas if you need one. However, don’t let yourself be confused as a yakuza, or the assassin squad will put several new holes in you. Topaz- That’s some beautiful playing. ::ducks shattering glass::. Beautiful! Icebox- I think we have it under control now. Whatever you wanna use is fine, just test it on some trolls. ---
**Author:** ![Argeable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Argeable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argeable)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/93 "2000-06-20T22:07:06Z")
You have me outnumbered. Right. Just because there are more of you, you somehow get it into your head that you’ve got supieror numbers. I swear, if any of try anything the least bit unlawful, I’ll go to the login page, create a dozen fake usernames, and come crashing in here with more force than you could believe. And when that happens, when _that_ happens, it’ll be all over for you and your rag tag goons. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/94 "2000-06-20T22:20:53Z")
> [@](#): > > **Arsenic- Your driver is Cadillac Rachelle. I hope you two will get along fine. She tends to drive men wild, in both senses.** Thanks!! I do my best! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/95 "2000-06-20T22:24:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Topaz- That’s some beautiful playing. ::ducks shattering glass::. Beautiful! Why thank you red\_dragon60! _waits for the applause from Argeable_ ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/96 "2000-06-20T23:14:20Z")
I want to be “The bear” the loveable lug hitman, with a passion for food. “leave the guns, take the cannolli” _winks to Sqrl_ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/97 "2000-06-21T02:26:01Z")
red\_dragon: I have actually been trained in using nunchucks a bit. That was several years ago, but one does not forget it all. However, I never got to a high enough belt to start training with any type of sword. And I will not be mistaken for a yakuza. I have no desire to have any part of a finger chopped off. I ain’t one of them that gets aroused by having limbs chopped off. ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/98 "2000-06-21T05:02:20Z")
BurnMeUp, I’ve been dubbed “The Bear”. But I’ll give it up to you if I can be “Mr. Clean”. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/99 "2000-06-22T07:42:08Z")
Dropping a mallet on her toe, brachy grabs at the earplugs and manages to get them in before the blood flows too strongly from her ears… “Wow, that’s some…uh, playing, Topaz!” She picks up her mallet, blows a kiss with her luscious lips to iampunha (“Thanks for the earhole covers, tiger”) and limps toward the front door. “Watch it, Agreable or we give an electric violin to Topaz!” brachy shudders at the thought and goes on guard. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578/100 "2000-06-22T13:07:39Z")
Sealemon The Fish, huh? I like it. \< rummaging through canvas sack \> Right. I’ve got five gallons of Suprime Unleaded, a dozen oily rags, a case of Molotov cocktails, some lighter fluid, a crock pot of my homemade napalm (With eleven secret herbs and spices), some propane, a bottle of Tobasco, and safety matches (Safety, 'cause you can never be too careful). Who ya want lit? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/join-the-cecilian-mafia/22578.md?page=6)