# Joke about men and women - something about men looking foolish and women wanting to not die **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 8, 2014, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306 "2014-06-08T00:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/21 "2014-06-10T13:56:31Z")
I was watching Last Comic Standard last week and heard this joke… I don’t remember the guy’s name but it was about online dating and a study that showed men’s top fear is the woman looks different than her pics (fat) and a woman’s top fear is being killed. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/22 "2014-06-10T14:33:50Z")
You know what, my last post was needlessly nitpicky. I apologize and retract it. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/23 "2014-06-10T14:45:38Z")
Bottom line, men worry about _realistic_ threats, while women worry about horrific but unlikely ones. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/24 "2014-06-10T14:59:29Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Bottom line, men worry about _realistic_ threats, while women worry about horrific but unlikely ones. And men are apparently childish and/or insecure enough to consider the trivial embarrassment of “looking like a fool” or “being laughed at” to be a “threat” worth actually “worrying about”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/25 "2014-06-10T15:58:25Z")
> [@chinchalinchin](#): > > Louie did have a bit like this. It wasn’t something that could be summed up a sentence. His bit was basically something like, "imagune if you were a dude and you had to go out with a gigantic bear. That’s what women feel like.’ It was much better worded, obviously… Rita Rudner used to say, “Men are like bears with furniture.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/26 "2014-06-10T18:17:22Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > And men are apparently childish and/or insecure enough to consider the trivial embarrassment of “looking like a fool” or “being laughed at” to be a “threat” worth actually “worrying about”. 😛 Ah yes. Oh to be female and hence immune to emotional and social insecurity. 😛 backatcha ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/27 "2014-06-10T18:35:01Z")
I’ve read something similar as to the reason why straight men are as a whole more homophobic towards gay men than straight women are towards lesbians. Gay men introduce to straight men a set of people who might be able to force unwanted sex on them – something they don’t have to worry about if the only people who might want to have sex with them are straight women, who generally aren’t strong enough to force the issue. Straight women might have the same concern about lesbians, but since they are _already_ constantly surrounded by people with the physical capability of forcing unwanted sex on them, it’s a fear they’ve gotten used to already. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/28 "2014-06-10T18:48:46Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > I’ve read something similar as to the reason why straight men are as a whole more homophobic towards gay men than straight women are towards lesbians. Gay men introduce to straight men a set of people who might be able to force unwanted sex on them – something they don’t have to worry about if the only people who might want to have sex with them are straight women, who generally aren’t strong enough to force the issue. > > Straight women might have the same concern about lesbians, but since they are _already_ constantly surrounded by people with the physical capability of forcing unwanted sex on them, it’s a fear they’ve gotten used to already. This theory strikes me as very unlikely, given the stereotypes that are typically associated with homosexuality by homophobes and homophobic society. The prevailing theme is contempt for gay men as “unmanly”, not fear of their prowess. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/29 "2014-06-10T19:01:53Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Bottom line, men worry about _realistic_ threats, while women worry about horrific but unlikely ones. Yup. We only get sexually assaulted frequently, not full-on murdered. How silly to mix that up. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Economist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c89c15/32.png) [@Evil\_Economist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Economist)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/30 "2014-06-10T19:40:41Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > I remember hearing a joke - I think it was sort of a throw away I heard during a stand up act. > > It was something like this: > > I’m not that sure about any of it - except the woman part had something to do with her fearing physical harm - it could have been: kidnapped, raped, cut up into little pieces etc. > > The guy part was like foolish,idiot, or something. > > I’m fairly sure it was a stand up comic > I’m fairly sure that comic was male > I think it may have involved online dating > I think it was in the last five years > > I wanna say it was kinda along the lines of Louie CK, Bill Burr, Patton Oswalt - but I cant seem to find it. > > It is possible I heard it during live standup and it doesn’t exist on the web somewhere, but I have a feeling I saw it while watching TV. A comedian told that joke on the last (or a very recent) episode of Last Comic Standing. I could have sworn it was slightly plagiarizing a Louis CK bit, but I can’t swear to it. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Economist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c89c15/32.png) [@Evil\_Economist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Economist)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/31 "2014-06-10T19:47:29Z")
> [@Evil\_Economist](#): > > A comedian told that joke on the last (or a very recent) episode of Last Comic Standing. I could have sworn it was slightly plagiarizing a Louis CK bit, but I can’t swear to it. Here’s the Louis CK bit I was thinking of: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4LkrQCyIz8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4LkrQCyIz8) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/32 "2014-06-10T20:34:47Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Yup. We only get sexually assaulted frequently, not full-on murdered. How silly to mix that up. Well, yes, why isn’t the quote about sexual assault then? It wasn’t me that introduced it. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/33 "2014-06-10T22:05:44Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Well, yes, why isn’t the quote about sexual assault then? Maybe that **is** what the OP’s lost quote is talking about, in fact: > [@OP](#): > > I’m not that sure about any of it - except the woman part had something to do with her fearing physical harm - it could have been: kidnapped, raped, cut up into little pieces etc. It’s not actually all that “unrealistic” for women to fear physical harm from men. Mind you, I still think everybody needs to keep in mind that the risk of that for most women is rather low compared to other dangers. But it’s certainly much more statistically realistic than for men to fear physical harm from women. Which perhaps is why men describe their “biggest fear” in such a situation as the superficial discomfort of being laughed at, instead of being seriously harmed. ---
**Author:** ![Ashley\_Pomeroy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Ashley\_Pomeroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashley_Pomeroy)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/34 "2014-06-11T19:18:42Z")
A while back Imgur had this variation on the front page: [http://imgur.com/gallery/T8iFEfN](http://imgur.com/gallery/T8iFEfN) It’s Donald Glover, and I think it drifted to the front page on a wave of “overly attached girlfriend” gifs. “Why don’t women have crazy men stories? I don’t really hear 'em. And then I realised, I was like ‘Oh, it’s because if you’ve got a crazy boyfriend, you gonna die.’” ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/35 "2014-06-11T19:29:29Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That depends on how you read it. No. Statistically, it is significantly more reasonable for a woman to fear she will be killed by a man than for a man to fear he will be killed by a woman. It’s more reasonable for a man to fear being killed in general; but in terms of cross-sex violence, women have much more reason to be afraid. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/36 "2014-06-11T19:36:35Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Maybe that **is** what the OP’s lost quote is talking about, in fact: > > It’s not actually all that “unrealistic” for women to fear physical harm from men. Mind you, I still think everybody needs to keep in mind that the risk of that for most women is rather low compared to other dangers. > > But it’s certainly much more statistically realistic than for men to fear physical harm from women. Which perhaps is why men describe their “biggest fear” in such a situation as the superficial discomfort of being laughed at, instead of being seriously harmed. Certainly, it is more likely for men to seriously harm women, than vice versa. The point, though, is as you note, the actual risk of either is low, while the risk of more quotidian concerns - being rejected, being humiliated, having one’s heart broken - is reasonably high, for both men and women. The notion that a crazy boyfriend = death (as in the joke in the post above) is hyperbole to the point that the joke isn’t really hilarious. It does not have the ring of truth to it that makes for a really good joke. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/37 "2014-06-11T19:45:42Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Rita Rudner used to say, “Men are like bears with furniture.” That bit had a lot more to do with hygiene and housekeeping, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![Ashley\_Pomeroy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Ashley\_Pomeroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashley_Pomeroy)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/38 "2014-06-11T23:09:17Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > The notion that a crazy boyfriend = death (as in the joke in the post above) is hyperbole to the point that the joke isn’t really hilarious. It does not have the ring of truth to it that makes for a really good joke. I generally preface my opinons with “it seems to me” or some such, because I’m smart enough to realise that they’re opinions. The stereotype of the terrifyingly violent boyfriend is alive and well, and powerfully appealing; and there are a lot of terrifyingly violent men. My first thought on hearing that joke was of this chap: [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564611/One-eyed-police-killer-Dale-Cregan-leaves-high-security-psychiatric-ward-placed-mainstream-jail-smoke.html](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564611/One-eyed-police-killer-Dale-Cregan-leaves-high-security-psychiatric-ward-placed-mainstream-jail-smoke.html) He killed two policewomen in a deranged gun/grenade attack - deranged, because there was no chance he was going to get away with it, he just wanted to kill somebody. Admittedly he didn’t kill his girlfriend, but I wouldn’t want to be her. His mother was later arrested for trying to intimidate witnesses. Yes, there is one of him and twenty-nine million British men who haven’t killed anyway, but _he_ is in the newspapers and _he_ shapes public opinon, which is what makes the joke work. Or this chap: [http://www.bbc.com/news/10583120](http://www.bbc.com/news/10583120) Who shot his former girlfriend, killed her new boyfriend, and shot a policeman in the face (and then eventually shot himself despite the intervention of former England footballer Paul Gascoigne). The idea that crazy boyfriend = murderous gun rampage is common. The arguments in this thread are generally coming from an idealistic viewpoint that seems completely detached from reality, as if the posters don’t interact with society or are adopting a persona for the message board. It smacks of the “what’s the problem in digging up and dismembering corpses - they’re dead!” kind of argument that young people enjoy. In the real world - the mundane, boring, but nonetheless real world of old, unsexy people who outnumber you - the perception is that women are at worst harridans, men are at worst strangling knife-wielding murdering rapists. The two examples above are of course a tiny minority of men, but they are a highly visible minority, and they shape public opinon. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/39 "2014-06-12T13:06:17Z")
> [@Ashley\_Pomeroy](#): > > I generally preface my opinons with “it seems to me” or some such, because I’m smart enough to realise that they’re opinions. The stereotype of the terrifyingly violent boyfriend is alive and well, and powerfully appealing; and there are a lot of terrifyingly violent men. My first thought on hearing that joke was of this chap: > [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564611/One-eyed-police-killer-Dale-Cregan-leaves-high-security-psychiatric-ward-placed-mainstream-jail-smoke.html](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564611/One-eyed-police-killer-Dale-Cregan-leaves-high-security-psychiatric-ward-placed-mainstream-jail-smoke.html) > > He killed two policewomen in a deranged gun/grenade attack - deranged, because there was no chance he was going to get away with it, he just wanted to kill somebody. Admittedly he didn’t kill his girlfriend, but I wouldn’t want to be her. His mother was later arrested for trying to intimidate witnesses. Yes, there is one of him and twenty-nine million British men who haven’t killed anyway, but _he_ is in the newspapers and _he_ shapes public opinon, which is what makes the joke work. > > Or this chap: > [http://www.bbc.com/news/10583120](http://www.bbc.com/news/10583120) > > Who shot his former girlfriend, killed her new boyfriend, and shot a policeman in the face (and then eventually shot himself despite the intervention of former England footballer Paul Gascoigne). The idea that crazy boyfriend = murderous gun rampage is common. > > The arguments in this thread are generally coming from an idealistic viewpoint that seems completely detached from reality, as if the posters don’t interact with society or are adopting a persona for the message board. It smacks of the “what’s the problem in digging up and dismembering corpses - they’re dead!” kind of argument that young people enjoy. In the real world - the mundane, boring, but nonetheless real world of old, unsexy people who outnumber you - the perception is that women are at worst harridans, men are at worst strangling knife-wielding murdering rapists. The two examples above are of course a tiny minority of men, but they are a highly visible minority, and they shape public opinon. In the real world, of middle aged boring farts (like me! 😃 ), people in their 30s to 60s have generally seen or indeed experienced all sorts of bad relationships, either themselves or among friends and family - and know damn well that a boyfriend can be a crazy shit without being a murderous nutter, and that murderous nutters are quite rare. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306/40 "2014-06-14T22:48:33Z")
I was reminded of this thread when I spent this afternoon with a woman I’d struck up a platonic e-mail correspondence with a few months ago at a meet-up, then had coffee and talked in a restaurant a couple of weeks later; then, this week she e-mailed how she missed being by water (she has cancer and can’t get around as much as she’d like). So I took her to Lake Lanier (which was beautiful today) and after talking for a couple of hours she admitted she’d brought a [gun](http://pocket-defense.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/ruger_lcr_05.jpg), just in case I tried to kill her. So I guess it was OK that I laughed at her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-about-men-and-women-something-about-men-looking-foolish-and-women-wanting-to-not-die/690306.md?page=3)