# Joke Of The Day Winner

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-of-the-day-winner/494708>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [April 29, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-of-the-day-winner/494708 "2009-04-29T05:58:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-of-the-day-winner/494708/21 "2009-05-01T16:25:25Z")

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> [@Clothahump](#):
>
> Or the really sick version:
> 
> A man’s mother-in-law is in a wreck. After hours of surgery, the doctor comes out and says, “Well, there’s good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
> 
> The guys says, “The bad news.”
> 
> Doc says, “Your mother-in-law is going to live, but she’ll be totally crippled. You’ll have to feed her, bathe her, wipe her butt, drive her to therapy, etc., etc. It’ll be a tremendous financial burden as well.”
> 
> The man is totally overwhelmed and collapses crying. After a while, he recovers his composure enough to ask, “What’s the good news?”
> 
> The doc says, “I’m just messing with you. She died.”

An update…[I just heard Jeff Foxworthy tell this joke](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqHPqTDHxJs&feature=related) on the Blue Collar tour.

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**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-of-the-day-winner/494708/22 "2009-05-01T16:55:10Z")

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It’s Father McGinty’s day to man the confessional. At one point, he has to go to the bathroom. It’s a #2, so he expects to be a while. He sees Timmy the altar boy and asks him to hold down the fort for twenty minutes. The priest tells the boy “Since they can’t see you, they won’t know they aren’t really talking to a priest. It’s usually just a bunch of old ladies anyway. If they confess to lying, give them three Hail Marys. If they confess to stealing something, give them five Hail Marys and tell them to return the stolen property. If they’ve had ‘wicked thoughts’, give them to say ten Hail Marys and an act of contrition.”

Father McGinty hurries away to the men’s room. Timmy sits in the confessional box, and an elderly lady enters. “Bless me father, for I have sinned,” she says “I’ve been getting fucked up the ass by my husband for several years now.”

Stunned, Timmy tells her to quietly think about what she did for several minutes, while he discreetly slips out of the box. Father McGinty has still not returned, but he sees Little Johnny, his fellow altar boy walking up the aisle. Timmy knows that Johnny has manned the confessional box in the priest’s absence before, so he rushes over to him.

“Johnny! Johnny! Tell me quick! What does Father McGinty give for getting fucked in the ass?”

Little Johnny replies: “Usually $25 bucks a pop. But he says that’s because I’m the best at it.”

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**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-of-the-day-winner/494708/23 "2009-05-01T17:03:21Z")

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I was sure the punchline to the OP was going to be…

We’re taking out a second mortagage.

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