# Joke time; A woman goes to the gynecologist.....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 10, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381 "2006-01-10T21:29:37Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/41 "2006-01-12T19:41:34Z")
What in common between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?
Both get to smell, neither gets to taste
---
### Author:  [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/42 "2006-01-12T19:58:18Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#):
>
> Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle?
Or the other cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/43 "2006-01-12T20:52:05Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> There was a young woman of Dunn
Excellent! Sometime I’ll have to tell you the limerick about Nero.
Daniel
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/44 "2006-01-12T21:17:49Z")
Three women are waiting in their obstetrician’s office for a checkup.
Woman #1: When my husband and I conceived, I was on top, so we’re going to have a boy.
Woman #2: Well, I wanted to have a girl, so my husband was on top.
Woman #3 bursts into tears: “I’m going to have puppies!”
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### Author:  [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/45 "2006-01-12T21:29:27Z")
This one is best spoken out loud…
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty five year olds?
There’s TWENTY of them!
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/46 "2006-01-12T21:34:15Z")
How do you tell whether an otherwise-anonymous photo spread is from Playboy, Penthouse, or Hustler? Just show it to an OB/GYN.
Playboy: “My, that’s an attractive woman!”
Penthouse: “Gee, I didn’t realize I was giving an exam today…”
Hustler: What the hell is that?
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/47 "2006-01-12T22:06:25Z")
> [@tdn](#):
>
> The pelvis joke, on the other hand – wow. Just wow.
That was a joke? :eek:
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### Author:  [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2006, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/48 "2006-01-12T22:07:57Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#):
>
> Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
One cannibal says to the other “I don’t like my mother in law!”
The other says “Just eat the potatoes then”
😃
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### Author:  [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/49 "2006-01-13T00:53:54Z")
> [@AskNott](#):
>
> A brilliant gynecologist got bored. His work was dull, and every woman he dated seemed like just another impatient patient. So he quit his practice and went to auto mechanic’s school.
>
> He soared through every class, making top marks every time. Then came the final exam. He had to diagnose, tear down and reassemble an engine, while being timed.
>
> The next day, he was called into the office. All the instructors and the principal were there.
> “Doctor, this has never happened before. You scored 150 on your final.”
>
> “How’s that possible? You said the highest score was 100.”
>
> He spread out the charts. “You diagnosed every problem, even one we weren’t aware of. You tore down the engine and reassembled it perfectly, in record time. And, gosh, we had to give you extra credit for doing it all through the muffler.”
An oldie but a goodie 😃 (I heard it with the guy as a proctologist, and doing it all through the tailpipe.)
* * *
A guy goes to see a shrink because his wife is too inhibited for sex. The psychiatrist sits him down, listens to his story and starts telling him that they need to rediscover their youthful passion.
He points out the window at two dogs screwing on the lawn. “Look at those dogs,” he says. “Go home, fix your wife a drink, and go at it with the wild abandon of those two!”
The guy goes home, and a week later, he’s back.
“How did it go?” asked the shrink.
“Terrible, Doc!” he groans, “It took three drinks just to get her into the backyard.”
---
### Author:  [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2006, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/50 "2006-01-13T06:29:22Z")
> [@tdn](#):
>
> Meh. The presumptuous joke was just the same thing with a little more detail. The pelvis joke, on the other hand – wow. Just wow.
>
> B. B. King’s birthday was coming up, so his wife decided to do something really special for him. She went to a tattoo parlor to get his name tattooed on her butt. She got a B tattooed on one cheek, and another on the other.
>
> Later that night, she said “Honey, I have a special surprise for you!” She then turned around, lowered her pants, and bent over.
>
> B. B. looked at this for a minute, then exploded, “Who the hell is Bob?!?”
Loads of variations on this one. Local favorite:
A trailer park woman who loved country music won $500 in the Texas lottery, and decided to spend it on new tattoos. She went to the local tattoo parlor, and told the artist, “My two favorite country singers are Johnny Cash and Garth Brooks. I want you to draw Johnny Cash on my left inner thigh, and Garth Brooks on my right inner thigh.” The tattoo artist said, “No problem,” told her to take off her skirt and her panties, and he started working.
An hour later, he said, “Finished.” Excitedly, the woman looked, but immediately yelled, “You idiot! This one doesn’t look like Johnny Cash! And that one doesn’t look anything like Garth Brooks! You’re the worst tattoo artist on earth, and I’m not going to pay you!” The artist yelled back, “You’re nuts, lady! This is some of the best work I’ve ever done! That looks EXACTLY like Johnny Cash and Garth Brooks, so you’d damn well better pay up!”
They argued for some time. Finally, the artist said, “Tell you what- I’ll bring in some random person off the street, and ask him to identify the faces I drew on your thighs. If he identifies them correctly, you have to pay. If he can’t, you don’t have to pay.” The woman agreed to that.
The artist walked out into the street, grabbed a passerby, and asked him to look at the woman’s inner thighs, and tell her what singers he saw. The passerby looked over the tattoos for a minute, then said, “Well… I don’t recognize the one on the left. And I don’t recognize the one on the right. But the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson.”
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### Author:  [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2006, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/51 "2006-01-16T04:16:42Z")
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple martini. Shortly after, a lady walked in and ordered a triple martini. The bartender said, “Wow! Back-to-back triple martinis! Are you celebrating anything?”
The woman said, “Yes, for ten years, I’ve been trying to get pregnant. This morning I went in for a pregnancy test and the doctor said I was pregnant!”
The bartender looked at the guy and said, “Are you celebrating anything?”
The guy said, “Yes. I breed peacocks. For ten years, I’ve been trying to breed a peacock with blue eyes. I walked out from the birdhouse this morning and there was a beautiful, blue-eyed peacock!”
The bartender said, “Congratulations! How’d ya do it?”
He said, “After all those years of trying, all I did was change cocks.”
“Really?” the woman said, “Me, too!”
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### Author:  [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2006, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/52 "2006-01-16T06:42:10Z")
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The priest went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”
The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad.
The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it."
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the priest.
The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “No Father, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.
“What happened?” inquired the priest.
“My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the shelf and dropped it” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”
“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church” stated the priest.
‘‘That’s okay,’’ said the man. ‘‘We’re not welcome in Home Depot anymore, either…’’
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2006, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/53 "2006-01-16T10:11:33Z")
> [@bouv](#):
>
> You asked for it.
Brilliant!
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### Author:  [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/54 "2006-01-16T16:15:51Z")
A poster named **fetus** walks into a thread about gynocological jokes, and all s/he has to say is to compliment another joke?
Wait a minute! Get back here! That’s just wrong… 😃
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### Author:  [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joke-time-a-woman-goes-to-the-gynecologist/339381/55 "2006-01-16T16:32:13Z")
Another better told, than written, but hey, read it aloud!
A woman walks into a gynaecologist, complaining of pains in her clitoris. Gynae has a look, and says, “I think the best thing I can do is numb it”.
“Ok.” Says the woman. “Just do what you think best.”
So the gynae gets down on his knees, put’s his head between her thighs and goes “num, num, num, num…”
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