# Jokes in the Bible **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [April 30, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365 "2014-04-30T15:35:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/1 "2014-04-30T15:35:21Z")
[Jokes in the Bible](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1165/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible) Depending on how broadly you want to define “Jokes,” there are a few in the Bible that Cecil missed: **Teasing** Song of Songs 8:8 (NIV): “We have a little sister; her breasts are not yet grown.” 1 Samuel 17:41-44 (NIV) (David is approaching Goliath with his primitive weapons): "Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. He looked over David and saw that he was little more than a boy, handsome and glowing with health, and he despised him. And he said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. “Come here,” he said, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!” 1 Kings 18:27 (NIV) (Elijah, the prophet of God, has challenged the prophets of the pagan god Baal to see whose god will reveal himself. He lets Baal’s people go first, and Baal is not responding.) "At noon Elijah began to taunt them. “Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or travelling.\* Perhaps he is sleeping and must be awakened!” \*Some interpretations of this passage postulate that Elijah may have been employing a euphemism for “on the pooper,” which would make the passage even funnier. 2 Kings 2:23 (NIV) "As [Elisha] was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” **Hyperbole** Galatians 5:12 (NIV): (Paul is discussing the problem of Jews who insist that new Christians must be circumcised.) “As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!” Galatians 6:11 (NIV) (Paul is trying to drive home a point.) “See what large letters I use as I write with my own hand!” \*It’s likely that many, nay most, of Paul’s writings were dictated to a scribe. Some New Testament scholars have speculated that Paul’s vision was bad; ergo, if he were writing with his own hand, the letters would be big so he could read them. **Absurdity** Numbers 22:27-30 (NIV) (Balaam is riding his donkey; God sends an angel to block his path.) "When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.” The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?” “No,” he said. **Prank** 1 Samuel 24:3-4 (NIV) “He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.” ---
**Author:** ![Detroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/45deac/32.png) [@Detroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Detroit)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/2 "2014-04-30T18:06:27Z")
Personally I’ve always loved the “joke” play by God on Nebuchadnezzar. "The king reflected and said, ‘Is this not Babylon the great, which I myself have built as a royal residence by the might of my power and for the glory of my majesty?’ 31"While the word was in the king’s mouth, a voice came from heaven, saying, ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is declared: sovereignty has been removed from you, 32and you will be driven away from mankind, and your dwelling place will be with the beasts of the field. You will be given grass to eat like cattle, and seven periods of time will pass over you until you recognize that the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever He wishes.’… Talk about eating humble pie (or humble grass) for 7 years! Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor! ---
**Author:** ![Powers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Powers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Powers)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/3 "2014-04-30T18:09:38Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > 2 Kings 2:23 (NIV) "As [Elisha] was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” And then they were mauled by a she-bear. Ha ha! Good times. Powers &8^] ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/4 "2014-04-30T18:13:11Z")
“Abraham, I want you to sacrifice your son, Isaac, to Me.” “Psych!!!” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/5 "2014-05-01T07:11:14Z")
Pun: Matthew 16:18 And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Rock in Latin is Petra. Hilarious isn’t it?:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/6 "2014-05-01T07:56:16Z")
A few that come to mind: Matthew 7:5, is actually kind of funny: “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” Also there’s the guys who blindfold and hit Jesus saying something along the lines of “you’re a prophet, prophesize who hit you”. More situational comedy than a joke, but I seem to remember when Jesus is telling his disciples that he has to go deal with Lazarus, he tries using a euphemism. His disciples don’t get it and think Lazarus is literally sleeping, and they don’t see why that’s Jesus’ problem. Jesus finally has to just say “Lazarus is dead”. ---
**Author:** ![sbunny8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@sbunny8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sbunny8)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/7 "2014-05-01T14:47:11Z")
How about the part where Jesus says to Simon I’m gonna call you Petros [small rock] and on this petra [big rock] I will build my church? I was taught that this is a pun and Jesus was being funny. But I was also told that there’s a debate about whether this is really a pun being told by Jesus or if it’s a pun which was inserted by the unnamed scholar who translated the text from Aramaic into Greek. ---
**Author:** ![qazwart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/5fc32e/32.png) [@qazwart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qazwart)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/8 "2014-05-01T15:07:41Z")
Puns are very popular in the Bible. If you look at the names of the places that the Jews passed by as they left Egypt, they are names such as _Baal Peor_ which means _Master of Poo_ and _Baal Zibob_ which means _Master of Flies_ (this is where the name Bezel-bob comes from). These were supposed to be names of Egyptian deities, but it’s very likely that the writers of the Bible merely punned on the name in order not to write the name of the actual deity. The Rabbis had a lot of fun with the name Baal Pior. They said the name came from how people would worship this particular god. The first worshipers were got so excited by the mere site of this idol, they literally went in their pants. Later on, their children figured the way to worship this god was to relieve yourself in its presence. The Rabbis relate a story about one Jew who was so upset by this idol, he decided to desecrate the idol by taking a dump right in front of it. The Rabbis said that the worshipers were so impressed by this Jew’s _display of piety_ that they proclaimed no one had ever done a better job worshiping their idol. ---
**Author:** ![qazwart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/5fc32e/32.png) [@qazwart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qazwart)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/9 "2014-05-01T15:19:06Z")
Another place where there was humor (or at least sarcasm) was Elijah challenge to the worshipers of Asherah and Baal. He told them to setup an alter and make a offering to their gods and he would make an alter and make an offering to God, and they will see whose offering would be accepted. The priests of Asherah and Baal went first. They cried, danced and sang all day, but to no avail. Elijah mocked their unsuccessful efforts. He said cry louder! Perhaps your god is _musing_. Maybe he’s taking a walk or is sleeping. He needs to be awaken. _Musing_ is a hint of some sort of sexual liaison. That is maybe their god was _busy and didn’t want to be disturbed_ ---
**Author:** ![Powers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Powers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Powers)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/10 "2014-05-03T00:24:23Z")
> [@qazwart](#): > > Another place where there was humor (or at least sarcasm) was Elijah challenge to the worshipers of Asherah and Baal. He told them to setup an alter and make a offering to their gods and he would make an alter and make an offering to God, and they will see whose offering would be accepted. > > The priests of Asherah and Baal went first. They cried, danced and sang all day, but to no avail. Elijah mocked their unsuccessful efforts. He said cry louder! Perhaps your god is _musing_. Maybe he’s taking a walk or is sleeping. He needs to be awaken. > > _Musing_ is a hint of some sort of sexual liaison. That is maybe their god was _busy and didn’t want to be disturbed_ **HeyHomie** mentioned this in the first post, though he posited that the euphemism was for taking a dump, not making sweet sweet love. Powers &8^] ---
**Author:** ![cahutchins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@cahutchins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cahutchins)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/11 "2014-05-05T14:42:05Z")
I’m surprised nobody mentioned the biblical story of Ehud, which is hilarious throughout reads a lot like a modern comical action movie. Judges 3:12-25: > [@](#): > > Now the sons of Israel again did evil in the sight of the Lord. So the Lord strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the Lord. And he gathered to himself the sons of Ammon and Amalek; and he went and defeated Israel, and they possessed the city of the palm trees. The sons of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years. (_serious prologue, think the crawl at the beginning of Star Wars._) > > But when the sons of Israel cried to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjamite, a left-handed man (_Enter hero, with a seemingly unimportant quirk, left-handedness_). And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he bound it on his right thigh under his cloak. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man (_The disgusting villain, I’m picturing Jabba the Hut splayed out on a throne_). It came about when he had finished presenting the tribute, that he sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And Eglon said, “Keep silence.” And all who attended him left him. > > Ehud came to him while he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” (_“Hasta la vista, baby”_) And he arose from his seat. Ehud stretched out his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh and thrust it into his belly (_Payoff for being a lefty, the guards didn’t think to pat down his right thigh!_). The handle also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not draw the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. (_What a gloriously disgusting death, it’s like Jabba getting strangled with Leia’s chains!_) Then Ehud went out into the vestibule and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them. > > When he had gone out, Eglon’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “He is only relieving himself in the cool room.” (_Because they could smell that Eglon lost his bowels_) They waited until they became anxious (_Some translations say "they waited until the point of embarrassment, which is hilarious_); but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. Therefore they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead. I can imagine this story had Israelite teenagers laughing and high-fiving for centuries. Ha ha, stupid Moabites! ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/12 "2014-05-05T21:25:24Z")
Well, I found the story of [Eutychus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eutychus) rather amusing when I heard it on Sunday. Haven’t heard a sermon **quite** as boring as Paul’s must have been (and in any case I’ve never heard a sermon while on the third floor of a building), but I can relate! ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/13 "2014-05-05T21:30:20Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > Well, I found the story of [Eutychus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eutychus) rather amusing when I heard it on Sunday. Yeah … laugh it up. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-in-the-bible/687365/14 "2014-05-05T21:48:17Z")
> [@Eutychus](#): > > Yeah … laugh it up. :rolleyes: Did you get better?