# Jokes that just need to DIE ALREADY **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 26, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664 "2015-02-26T15:14:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/81 "2015-02-27T00:00:46Z")
Anything that you might hear on the radio, satellite or otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/82 "2015-02-27T00:01:02Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > The sequel that you hate to the film you love DOES exist. That oh so witty “Highlander…2?” see what I did there bullshit is not clever and just annoying. [**“Aliens from the @%#&# Planet Zeist?”**](http://www.galactanet.com/comic/view.php?strip=109) :mad: ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/83 "2015-02-27T00:03:18Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Dihydrogen monoxide= H[sub]2[/sub]O. Some people still think it’s clever to talk about this eeeevil chemical and list some side effects that also apply to water. > [@running\_coach](#): > > “Dihydrogen monoxide” Is water. It’s used to mock people who complain about “chemicals” in food while not knowing anything about them. > > It sounds dangerous while being totally benign. Thanks. [Hey, how would you like a glass of H2SO4?](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79dupdate.phtml) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/84 "2015-02-27T00:14:53Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Boy I’m glad I thought not to answer! > > IRL, the joke of Chinese food = stray cats needs to be retired. What a stupid, senseless, racist joke. [Nevertheless . . .](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_meat#China) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/85 "2015-02-27T00:22:25Z")
> [@Flywheel](#): > > Humanities degree = job at McDonald’s How do you get a humanities major off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/86 "2015-02-27T00:29:14Z")
> [@Haunted\_Pasta](#): > > I just smoked marijuana. Now I’m really hungry! [You know, I could eat a thousand chocolate chip cookies right now . . .](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdHp0FmEr78) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/87 "2015-02-27T00:38:18Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > I’d be so much happier if I never again had to hear “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition” or “Why did Constantinople get the works?”. 😕 Never in my life heard the latter except in a [song](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Istanbul_(Not_Constantinople)), not a joke. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/88 "2015-02-27T00:39:39Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > The Republican Party. Speaking of jokes that just need to die already . . . ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/89 "2015-02-27T00:41:50Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > the [relevant xkcd](http://xkcd.com/1053/) This. Or worse yet “obligatory xkcd”. I can’t be the only person who is completely underwhelmed by Randa Monroe’s crude stick figures and mildly amusing at best jokes. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/90 "2015-02-27T01:19:26Z")
These battered equines are particularly necrotic: References to Monty Python, The Princess Bride, and Airplane. Any variation of the nuke it from orbit line from Aliens. Jokes involving Schrodinger’s cat or the idea of indeterminacy in general. It’s basically someone pointing out they know something about science and quantum physics, aren’t they so clever? But it’s the safest, most mainstream sort of science joke that everyone and their mom knows, the kind of joke you see on xkcd or network sitcoms. True, if you go more obscure maybe your audience won’t get it. If that’s a concern then don’t make quantum physics jokes. A lot of sex jokes and innuendo requires knowing that pussy smells like fish. It doesn’t. Not in general, outside of the occasional tale of some poor guy who ended up with a walking bio-hazard. The only thing I can figure out is it’s a hold over from when people bathed once every six months. Maybe then eating fish pie or going to tuna town made sense. This may not qualify because it still amuses me from time to time, but I think white people, or boring middle to upper class people of any race ironically acting “urban” or using gangster slang should be about done. Or maybe it’s not even ironic anymore and I’m being charitable and it’s just more shameless appropriation of black culture. It’s not the same as an old person trying to appear hip by using slang that’s 30 years old, but it’s still weird. When someone needs to make a stupid slut joke they tend to dump on the latest celebrity who everyone hates, whether it’s Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, or whoever’s next on the treadmill. This is so bottom of the barrel, so uninspired you might as well make a chicken crossing the road joke. > [@Smapti](#): > > “Mexican food gives you diarrhea”. No, it doesn’t - and I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a joke about how Mexicans are dirty, or a joke about how Americans have weak digestion, but it’s just not funny either way. Yes, thank you. This may have made sense during the Taco Bell contamination scares but I’ve been hearing this shit my whole life. Ground hamburger, lettuce, cheese, and some watered down sauce barely spicier than ketchup shouldn’t give anyone the shits. If they must exist, fast food diarrhea jokes should be aimed at White Castle’s grease bombs. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/91 "2015-02-27T01:24:08Z")
The Perfect Master ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/92 "2015-02-27T01:46:29Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > These battered equines are particularly necrotic: > > References to Monty Python, The Princess Bride, and Airplane. :eek: Now, let’s not take this thing so far as to rip out our whole culture by the roots! > [@marshmallow](#): > > A lot of sex jokes and innuendo requires knowing that pussy smells like fish. It doesn’t. Not in general, outside of the occasional tale of some poor guy who ended up with a walking bio-hazard. The only thing I can figure out is it’s a hold over from when people bathed once every six months. Maybe then eating fish pie or going to tuna town made sense. YMMV. Crotch is crotch. If you’re a guy, try walking around all day getting hot and sweaty, then stuff your hand down your pants, then sniff it. What does it smell like? It smells like pussy, is what it smells like! Not as strong, but pretty much the same smell – and not too dissimilar to fish. > [@marshmallow](#): > > This is so bottom of the barrel, so uninspired you might as well make a chicken crossing the road joke. :dubious: [_ahem_](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302615) ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/93 "2015-02-27T01:48:51Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Thanks. [Hey, how would you like a glass of H2SO4?](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79dupdate.phtml) And the reciprocal of pi to your good wife. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/94 "2015-02-27T01:59:19Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > And the reciprocal of pi to your good wife. Laws of math defied My one goes into your pi More than 3-plus times ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/95 "2015-02-27T02:06:39Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > The sequel that you hate to the film you love DOES exist. That oh so witty “Highlander…2?” see what I did there bullshit is not clever and just annoying. There should have been only one! > [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Thanks. [Hey, how would you like a glass of H2SO4?](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79dupdate.phtml) Johnny was a chemist’s son But Johnny is no more Cause what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4 ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/96 "2015-02-27T02:10:51Z")
Flying Spaghetti Monster and the like (pastafarians, putting Jedi as your religion on official forms, etc) No using it doesn’t make you funny or witty, it only shows that you’re a hateful anti religion jerk. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/97 "2015-02-27T02:24:19Z")
> [@](#): > > =TBG;18166448Flying Spaghetti Monster and the like (pastafarians, putting Jedi as your religion on official forms, etc) > > No using it doesn’t make you funny or witty, it only shows that you’re a **hateful anti religion jerk.** As compared to the hateful, pro-religion jerks that prompted such things? ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/98 "2015-02-27T02:30:00Z")
When someone quotes a price in Canadian dollars: ‘What’s that, like 2 bucks American?’ It wasn’t even particularly funny when the premise made sense, but the Canadian dollar hasn’t dropped below 90 cents American for any substantial period in a decade. I even had someone trot it out when the Canadian dollar was a buck and change American! ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/99 "2015-02-27T02:37:18Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > And the reciprocal of pi to your good wife. Don’t synthesize anything I wouldn’t synthesize! (If only we lived in a world in which Flanders and Swann references were so overused that people were complaining about them in pit threads…) ---
**Author:** ![dzeiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@dzeiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzeiger)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/100 "2015-02-27T03:08:44Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > The Republican Party. Thanks, Obama! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664.md?page=6)