# Jokes that just need to DIE ALREADY **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 26, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664 "2015-02-26T15:14:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/121 "2015-02-27T07:11:59Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Dihydrogen monoxide= H[sub]2[/sub]O. Some people still think it’s clever to talk about this eeeevil chemical and list some side effects that also apply to water. The thing with this and many other old jokes, a lot of younger people coming up still haven’t heard them, and in the case of the H[sub]2[/sub]O joke, may still resonate in the context of an ongoing public debate. Al Franken did this same joke on SNL, back in the era of the debut cast. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/122 "2015-02-27T07:43:04Z")
Another “joke” that needs to die is comments on men going to prison being subject to prison rape (“5 years in the Big House? Hope he enjoys his new boyfriend.” etc.). It’s not funny. Not at all. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/123 "2015-02-27T07:49:26Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > These battered equines are particularly necrotic: > > References to Monty Python, The Princess Bride, and Airplane. Pretty much all of Monty Python is practically baked into my being. With regard to MP I see it as one of a long line of notable British accomplishments in humor, one that also includes P.G. Wodehouse and some much more recent writers. I’ll probably always think it’s funny. It’s the same with Airplane though obviously for different reasons. Curiously, I know nothing of The Princess Bride. > [@](#): > > Any variation of the nuke it from orbit line from Aliens. > > Jokes involving Schrodinger’s cat or the idea of indeterminacy in general. It’s basically someone pointing out they know something about science and quantum physics, aren’t they so clever? But using words like “necrotic” and “equines” isn’t a bit like that, is it? ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/124 "2015-02-27T07:52:45Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I like the “Hi, Opal” joke… I might be annoyed by it if I still saw it, but I really haven’t noticed it since Opal passed away. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/125 "2015-02-27T08:02:48Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Those of us who, IRL, she stabbed in the back repeatedly have exactly zero problems remembering her for something other than her stupid joke. I don’t remember the origin of the joke, but in the interest of fairness she didn’t actually create the joke did she? It was whoever first said “Hi Opal” after she made her point. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/126 "2015-02-27T08:45:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Unless I’m missing something here (and I’ve heard the joke before,) Chinese arithmetic is the same as anyone else’s. 2+2 = 4, five times seven is thirty-five. > Any country that didn’t use math like everyone else’s math wouldn’t exist very long. > [@kayaker](#): > > Why then the phrase, " I’m harder than Chinese algebra"? > [@Velocity](#): > > That’s what I’ve wondered, too. > > In China, _x_ times _y_ is _xy_, just like anywhere else. I’m sure that was the case a long time ago too. But Chinese doesn’t have xs and ys; it has a bunch of idiograms (sp?) that are really difficult to remember and pronounce. With those as your variables, of course the algebra is going to be hard. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/127 "2015-02-27T08:59:38Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > But Chinese doesn’t have xs and ys; it has a bunch of idiograms (sp?) that are really difficult to remember and pronounce. With those as your variables, of course the algebra is going to be hard. I take your point but by the same token classical Greek geometry and number theory seem “hard” as well because they didn’t have our familiar algebraic shorthand either. Instead, a theorem might begin with: Given a line, and another, and a third that is a mean proportional to the smaller and bigger line. You see this in the old Dover editions of Euclid and Archimedes. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/128 "2015-02-27T10:01:20Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Well, the joke depends on the fact that the Chinese **language** is very hard for all non-Chinese, including Japanese, I am sure. I mean, it’s motherfucking **tonal!** How is any barbarian supposed to get behind that?! There are plenty of tonal languages, even some of the Native American languages. A language being tonal does not make it any harder or easier to learn than a non-tonal language. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/129 "2015-02-27T10:34:09Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > I take your point but by the same token classical Greek geometry and number theory seem “hard” as well because they didn’t have our familiar algebraic shorthand either. Instead, a theorem might begin with: Given a line, and another, and a third that is a mean proportional to the smaller and bigger line. You see this in the old Dover editions of Euclid and Archimedes. Yabbut “as hard as Greek geometry and number theory” isn’t a joke that’s so tired it needs to die, is it? My whole point was that you don’t need abaci to explain why Chinese algebra is a joke. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/130 "2015-02-27T11:34:44Z")
> [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > can we please lose the whole “rape month” pile of crap > [@Monty](#): > > Another “joke” that needs to die is comments on men going to prison being subject to prison rape (“5 years in the Big House? Hope he enjoys his new boyfriend.” etc.). It’s not funny. Not at all. But . . . I like rape.☹ ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/131 "2015-02-27T12:06:49Z")
Well, you’ll just have to paddle your own canoe. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/132 "2015-02-27T12:13:38Z")
Rio - by Duran Duran ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/133 "2015-02-27T12:28:44Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > :dubious: [Our Risen Saviour](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._R._%22Bob%22_Dobbs) loves you not, nor pities your Pinkness. The [Church of the SubGenius](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius) schtick got tired decades ago. I was first exposed to it in the mid-1980’s and purchased an ordainment in the early 1990’s. They haven’t had anything new or clever to say in at least 20 years. Even their website looks like it hasn’t been updated since about 1996. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/134 "2015-02-27T12:30:12Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > I might be annoyed by it if I still saw it, but I really haven’t noticed it since Opal passed away. I’ve got to say, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen “Hi, Opal” in the wild, so to speak. I’ve seen WAY more references to how annoying it is. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/135 "2015-02-27T12:33:33Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > The [Church of the SubGenius](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius) schtick got tired decades ago. I was first exposed to it in the mid-1980’s and purchased an ordainment in the early 1990’s. They haven’t had anything new or clever to say in at least 20 years. Even their website looks like it hasn’t been updated since about 1996. The truth is unchanging. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/136 "2015-02-27T12:53:49Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > Pretty much all of Monty Python is practically baked into my being. With regard to MP I see it as one of a long line of notable British accomplishments in humor, one that also includes P.G. Wodehouse and some much more recent writers. I’ll probably always think it’s funny. The baking isn’t a problem if you keep the kiln door closed. The lines were funny when Monty Python delivered them. Repeated ad nauseam for decades by millions of dorks, they become the opposite of funny. Think of the loveliest piece of music ever written. Now imagine it being played constantly by a global orchestra of tone-deaf kazoo players. Imagine the horror each time you hear the first notes, knowing that a cacophony of torture will inevitably follow. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/137 "2015-02-27T13:09:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > The truth is unchanging. Truth speaks to the ages. The Church of SubGenius is still speaking to a few years out of the late 20th century. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/138 "2015-02-27T14:13:21Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The baking isn’t a problem if you keep the kiln door closed. The lines were funny when Monty Python delivered them. Repeated ad nauseam for decades by millions of dorks, they become the opposite of funny. To you. They’re still funny to me, and they’re still funny to people who haven’t been exposed to them. But then I’m fortunate enough not to be so psychic I hear the jokes made by millions of people. ---
**Author:** ![Lubricious\_Integument](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lubricious\_Integument](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lubricious_Integument)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/139 "2015-02-27T14:28:12Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > In case you really don’t know… > > Many moons ago someone made a list consisting of two items. The late poster Opal contentended that two items don’t make a “list”. So now every time posters list two items they follow it up with “Hi Opal”. > > It is: > > 1. Not funny. > 2. Annoying. > 3. Hi Opal > > Its been done about 6 million times by now. Ugh. Unfortunately 1. a relevant point 2. got nothing 3. Buckeye! never caught on. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2015, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664/140 "2015-02-27T14:29:41Z")
> [@naita](#): > > To you. They’re still funny to me, and they’re still funny to people who haven’t been exposed to them. But then I’m fortunate enough not to be so psychic I hear the jokes made by millions of people. Nah. He’s right and you are utterly, irretrievably wrong. The material was original and funny when Python performed it. Decades of repetition by dweebs has beaten every last trace of humor out of it. The surviving members of Monty Python have long since moved on to other things and seldom perform the old material. Even they, it seems, are tired of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-that-just-need-to-die-already/713664.md?page=8)