# Jokes the average person wouldn't get... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631 "2003-03-27T22:42:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jawjaboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@jawjaboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jawjaboy)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/41 "2003-03-28T07:00:35Z")
sick sick sick. so here’s mine. is a lizard’s movement considered scalar or vector? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/42 "2003-03-28T07:01:28Z")
Who led the Pedant’s Revolt of 1381? Which Tyler. ---
**Author:** ![LtningBug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/73ab20/32.png) [@LtningBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LtningBug)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/43 "2003-03-28T07:11:50Z")
Ok, so a neutron walks up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, a proton, slides him the drink, and the neutron asks, “How much?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” The neutron asks, “Are you sure?” The bartender says, “Yeah, I’m positive.” ---
**Author:** ![jawjaboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@jawjaboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jawjaboy)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/44 "2003-03-28T07:19:09Z")
STOP ME BEFORE IPLANagain. ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/45 "2003-03-28T08:02:58Z")
There’s a whole host of jokes like these in jjimm’s thread entitled [Is this the most intellectual joke in the world?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=105629) ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/46 "2003-03-28T08:36:13Z")
An oldie: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change it and one not to change it. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/47 "2003-03-28T08:56:52Z")
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, “A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution.” The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, “This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd.” The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, “I define myself to be on the outside!” [http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/](http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/) has a whole bunch of good jokes. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/48 "2003-03-28T09:01:03Z")
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but I don’t know how the hell they got in there. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/49 "2003-03-28T10:27:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > > Two, but I don’t know how the hell they got in there. Now that’s funny! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![peepthis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@peepthis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peepthis)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/50 "2003-03-28T11:26:25Z")
The Washington Post had a contest a couple months ago asking for jokes so esoteric that they need asterisks to explain them. [Here are the results from that contest](http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagename=article&node=&contentId=A6357-2003Jan17¬Found=true). A sample of some of the entries: > [@](#): > > An American tourist in Italy is constipated for a week, but when he arrives in Florence, the water is better and his condition goes away. “With Firenze\* like this,” he said, “who needs enemas?” > > \*Firenze is the Italian word for Florence. > [@](#): > > Physicist 1: What’s new? > > Physicist 2: E/h\* > > \*In physics, photon energy (E) divided by Planck’s constant (h), is the frequency, expressed as the Greek letter nu. > [@](#): > > Q: If Pee-wee Herman composed an opera, which one would he compose? > > A: “Tales of Hoffman”\* > > \*“Tales of Hoffman” was composed by Jacques Offenbach > [@](#): > > Did you hear about the incompetent Hawaiian vulcanologist? He didn’t know his a’a’s\* from a hole in the ground! > > \*A’a’s are a type of lava found in Hawaii. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/51 "2003-03-28T11:47:48Z")
Q: What did the zen master say to the hotdog vendor? A: Make me one with everything. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/52 "2003-03-28T12:08:33Z")
I saw this one in a Dave Baqrry column, of all places: How do you get a bass player to play _tremuloso_? Mark it _solo_. And I heard this one from a priest: Christ at the scene of the Woman Taken in Adultery: “Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone!” A stone suddenly flies by, over his shoulder. Without turning around, He says: “Mother!” ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/53 "2003-03-28T12:24:52Z")
There are three types of mathematician in the world. Those who can count, and those who can’t. – Two atoms are walking along the street, and one says to the other, “I’ve lost an electron”. His friend replies, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies “Yes, I’m positive.” – A topologist can’t tell his doughnut from his coffee cup. – ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/54 "2003-03-28T12:35:59Z")
Okay, I got, hmmm, maybe half of these. That makes me average, right? 50th %ile? But if these are jokes for the above average… Ah. My contribution? Why did Schliermacher cross the road? He was stapled to Schlegel. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/55 "2003-03-28T13:37:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\*“How many surrealist does it take to change a light bulb?” > > “The fish” \*\* You’ve conflated two jokes there. “How many surrealist does it take to change a light bulb?” “Two, one to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools” and “How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?” "The fish ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/56 "2003-03-28T13:55:12Z")
Zen joke: There once was this tree… O ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/57 "2003-03-28T14:26:51Z")
Did you hear about the dislexic, agnostic insomniac? He sat up all night wondering if there really was a dog. I usually have to explain at least two of those terms when I tell this joke. ---
**Author:** ![djwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@djwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djwalker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/58 "2003-03-28T14:28:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by twickster47 \* > \*\* > > Why did Schliermacher cross the road? > > He was stapled to Schlegel. \*\* I don’t even _get_ that one and it made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/59 "2003-03-28T14:40:50Z")
“I’d call him a sadistic bestialist necrophiliac, but that’s beating a dead horse.” – Woody Allen’s **What’s Up, Tiger Lily?** ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/60 "2003-03-28T15:02:01Z")
No, no, no. These aren’t nearly obscure enough. 😃 The trick is to combine genres. If 10% of people know a bit of maths, and 10% of people go to the opera, then only 1% of people get jokes about both! **Q** What’s commutative and allows you to rule the world? **A** The ring of Neibelung. OK, that ones lame; come on guys, you can do better! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631.md?page=4)