# Jokes the average person wouldn't get... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631 "2003-03-27T22:42:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/61 "2003-03-28T15:14:05Z")
> [@](#): > > ## quote: > > Originally posted by twickster47 > Why did Schliermacher cross the road? > > ## He was stapled to Schlegel. > > I don’t even get that one and it made me laugh. I’m so proud. ;j ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/62 "2003-03-28T15:14:19Z")
I was standing with some friends in the music building at Cal State Hayward. A new student walked up and asked Karen (a voice major) what instrument she played. “I play skin flute,” she said with a smile. “Oh,” said the new guy. “You should learn flesh horn; then you could double.” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/63 "2003-03-28T15:58:52Z")
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and those who don’t. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/64 "2003-03-28T16:11:13Z")
Marge:“But Homer, you loved Rashomon!” Homer:“That not they way I remember it…” One peasant asks the other “Are you going to the Bach concert tonight?” The other answers “No, I’m baroque.” You could make it more obscure by inserting a less famous composer ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/65 "2003-03-28T16:18:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by schplebordnik \* > \*\*Two matrons are walking out of a Broadway matinee. A panhandler approaches them, hand outstretched. > > Panhandler: “Spare any change?” > > Matron: “‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’: William Shakespeare.” > > Panhandler: “‘F\*\*k you’: David Mamet.” \*\* Thanks, **schelpb** … **schmbro** … **schpldsorb** …thanks, dude! My fiancee’s brother told me this joke about three or four years ago, and I’ve been trying to remember it since. Although this joke is by no means intellectual, it is obscure: Two mindflayers are standing around the underdark chatting. One of them is holding a deep gnome in his tentacles; one tentacle around the gnome’s neck is asphyxiating it. The mindflayer takes a tiny bite out of the gnome every now and then. Finally, the other illithid asks, “Are you going to eat that, or are you just svirfneblin?” Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/66 "2003-03-28T17:29:37Z")
I can’t believe that the thread has made it this far without the simpsons reference. At the Mensa gathering Comic-book guy has a t-shirt on with : C:\dos C:\dos run run dos run On it Lisa looks at it and laugs and says “only one in a million people would find that funny” Prof Frink then says “that’s what we call the Dave Barry ratio” ---
**Author:** ![djwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@djwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djwalker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/67 "2003-03-28T17:39:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pergau \* > \*\*I can’t believe that the thread has made it this far without the simpsons reference. > > At the Mensa gathering Comic-book guy has a t-shirt on with : > > C:\dos > C:\dos run > run dos run > > On it Lisa looks at it and laugs and says “only one in a million people would find that funny” > > Prof Frink then says “that’s what we call the Dave Barry ratio” \*\* I think he said “The Dennis Miller Ration”… still funny either way, though. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/68 "2003-03-28T17:39:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bup \* > \*\*There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and those who don’t. \*\* You’re several posts too late with that one, **bup**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/69 "2003-03-28T18:09:28Z")
Missing Cat $100 reward offered ``` by ``` Erwin Schroedinger for return of cat ``` dead or alive ``` ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/70 "2003-03-28T18:43:10Z")
A family is vacationing on a Caribian island. After a few days their family dog starts to act ill. They ask around but there is no veteranarian on the island. The best they are able to do is a trio of scientists from the University. On seeing the worried faces of the family they agree to see what they can do. First the Biologist examines the dog and anounces that the case is beyond him. Next the Chemist takes a look and tells them that he doesn’t have the right equipment perform the required tests. Finally the Physist looks the dog over and puzles a bit. Then he goes over and gets a note book and starts making diagrams and charts and solving complex equations. Everyone looks on while he keeps on at this for nearly an hour. Finally he circles something on the page and announces that he has the answer. “Of course,” he warns, “It will only work for a spherical dog in a frictionless vaccum.” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/71 "2003-03-28T18:51:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Q What’s commutative and allows you to rule the world? > A The ring of Neibelung. What’s purple and commutes? An Abelian grape! I heard that one a looooong time ago. Not interdisciplinary, but yours reminded me of it. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/72 "2003-03-28T19:07:56Z")
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says “No, but I know where I am.” ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/73 "2003-03-28T19:14:06Z")
This is a very funny joke, but only if you’re a magician. If you know any magicians, just tell them this and I guarantee they’ll laugh. Q. Have you seen the four new Alex Elmsley videos? A. Well I didn’t see the third one, but I saw the first one twice. Just trust me. And no, I can’t reveal why it’s funny. Isn’t it great that in **RawDuke’s** post he spelled ‘dyslexic’ incorrectly? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/74 "2003-03-28T19:15:18Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? He was giving it last rites. Are we not men? We are VAXen! ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/75 "2003-03-28T19:25:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pergau \* > \*\*I can’t believe that the thread has made it this far without the simpsons reference. \*\* _cough_ Ahem… ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/76 "2003-03-28T19:30:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ianzin \* > > Isn’t it great that in **RawDuke’s** post he spelled ‘dyslexic’ incorrectly? \*\* I only had to explain it, not spell it! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/77 "2003-03-28T19:39:45Z")
I had a friend put this on my office door: NO PAIN, NO GAIN NO DEBBIE, NO DB after thinking about it, I realized I had been insulted in a nice way 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gumbercules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gumbercules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gumbercules)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/78 "2003-03-28T19:47:19Z")
I love the Heisenberg and Schroedinger jokes! Another chemistry one: Why did the white bear melt in water? Because he was polar! ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/79 "2003-03-28T19:57:34Z")
An American businessman goes into negotiations with a German company. The company sends over a representative, who speaks no English. The American businessman speaks no German. So he hires an interpreter. The conference goes smoothly, until the interpreter stops as the German is still speaking. The American gets impatient, and asks the interpreter, “Why aren’t you translating?” The interpreter answers, “I’m waiting for the verb.”\* [ba-da-BING] - – For the German-impaired, the syntax of German is such that the verb often comes last in a sentence. And Germans _love_ long sentences. I once saw a sentence that went something like this (the verb is bolded and the subject underlined): _Sie war am 27ten März, in Frankfurt am Main, zu ihrem Vater, ein Künstler und ehemaliger Student bei der Universität in Heidelberg, wo er Naturwissenschaft studiert hatte, und ihrer Mutter, eine Lehrerin bei der Schule für die Begabten in Mainz, **geboren**._ This sort of sentence isn’t common, but you find its ilk here and there in formal writing. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/80 "2003-03-28T20:01:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pergau \* > \*\*I can’t believe that the thread has made it this far without the simpsons reference. > > At the Mensa gathering Comic-book guy has a t-shirt on with : > > C:\dos > C:\dos run > run dos run > \*\* Ooh! Ooh! What about a joke that combines computer geekery with knowledge of mid-eighties current events? Q. What do you get if Dracula bites Lee Iacocca? A. autoexec.bat Daniel [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631.md?page=5)