# Jokes the average person wouldn't get... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631 "2003-03-27T22:42:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/101 "2003-03-31T09:19:15Z")
Two spiral galaxies go into a bar. One of them goes and orders two beers. “You can have a beer, but I’m not serving your friend,” says the bartender. “Why not?” asks the galaxy. “He’s barred,” says the bartender. A white cat, a grey cat and a black cat are all sitting at the peak of an inclined rough roof of uniform composition. At time t=0 all three cats begin to slide under the influence of gravity. Which cat will fall off last? – The one with the highest _mu_ What is infinity times _i_? – 8 A polar bear is a rectangular bear that has undergone a coordinate transform. And two limericks which the reasonably advanced mathematician can verify: Integral _t squared dt_ From 1 to the cube root of 3 All times the cosine Of (three _pi_ upon nine) Equals log of the cube root of _e_ If (one plus x) (v. close to 1) Be raised to the power of one over x, you will find This neat value defined: 2.718281… Oh, and I’m getting nearly all of these. That must make me the saddest bunny in Christendom. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/102 "2003-03-31T09:20:22Z")
I forgot the joke I was going to post because I was laughing so hard. But here’s a funny insult I heard once and never forgot: “That guy is so dense that light bends around him.” I used it once, and only a few people in the room got it. I didn’t think it was that intellectual, but _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/103 "2003-03-31T09:23:07Z")
Just remembered one of the jokes I was going to post: How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! That’s a hardware problem. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/104 "2003-03-31T11:49:49Z")
Raskolnikov did it. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/105 "2003-03-31T12:55:55Z")
**Malacandra** , don’t worry, I’ve got almost all of them as well. We’ll be sad bunnies together. 🙂 And a few more, which will only make sense to a small number of people. How many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they’re not interested in that short-wave stuff. – How many X-ray astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb? ## None - they’re not interested in radiation which can be approximated to a continuum. Hey, not only are these hgihly specialised, they’re rubbish as well! ---
**Author:** ![Finite\_Elephant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Finite\_Elephant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finite_Elephant)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/106 "2003-03-31T16:36:07Z")
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball. The mathematician carefully measures the diameter and from that calculates the volume. The physicist immerses the ball in water and measures the displacement. The engineer gets out his Red Rubber Ball Handbook and looks it up. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/107 "2003-03-31T16:43:21Z")
How many heralds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. That’s metal on metal. ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/108 "2003-03-31T18:26:20Z")
I get a lot of these but the Red Rubber Ball Handbook really cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/109 "2003-03-31T18:27:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*ronincyberpunk \*\*\* > In any case, one day a guy calls in and asks her to solve “Beta u pi times the antiderivative of e to the x.” Uh huh. Sounds like that could be funny. Anyone care to ‘do the math’ for me (so to speak, hardy har)? ---
**Author:** ![Gumbercules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gumbercules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gumbercules)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/110 "2003-03-31T19:23:09Z")
It’s actually dirt. Two hints: pi looks like two t’s, and antiderivative(or integral) looks like s ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/111 "2003-03-31T19:41:26Z")
I just remembered one of my favorites: The latin translation for “hot date”. Vidi Vici Veni ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/112 "2003-03-31T20:15:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ethilrist \* > \*\*How many heralds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > > None. That’s metal on metal. \*\* I love it. 😃 From the apparently-too-straightforward-for-people-to-get department: How do you steam a clam? Make fun of his religion. Nobody ever gets this one when I tell it… ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/113 "2003-03-31T20:24:15Z")
Thank you **Gumbercules**. See, that’s even dumber than I expected, and I’m still giggling about it. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/114 "2003-03-31T21:08:42Z")
Usually around this time of year somebody asks me what I think of the college basketball playoffs (I can’t stand basketball) I ask “are they down to their final k yet?” It’s not worth taking the time to explain ---
**Author:** ![Teebone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teebone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teebone)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/115 "2003-04-01T00:35:25Z")
> [@](#): > > A topologist can’t tell his doughnut from his coffee cup. Doh! I actually got this joke. I must be a nerd. That’s what I get for studying topology. ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/116 "2003-04-01T07:51:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > \*\*Uh huh. Sounds like that could be funny. Anyone care to ‘do the math’ for me (so to speak, hardy har)? \*\* written out, it looks like “buttsex”, more or less. I saw a pic taken from a video of one of those local-access college programs where you call in your homework problems and the tutor works them on tv. Someone called in and got her to write this problem on the board and start to work it. ---
**Author:** ![msgotrocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8edcca/32.png) [@msgotrocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msgotrocks)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/117 "2003-04-01T09:13:32Z")
I bet someone here could help me find a joke that I’ve forgotten. What’s the joke to the punchline, “That would be like putting Descartes before the horse.” I heard it when I was a kid, forgot the lead-in, and it’s bothered me for years! ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631/118 "2003-04-01T15:03:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Degrance \* > \*\*I just remembered one of my favorites: > > The latin translation for “hot date”. > > Vidi > Vici > Veni \*\* Thank YOU. Somebody finally gets my sig line! I have used this one for years on boards. O [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-the-average-person-wouldnt-get/164631.md?page=5)