# Jokes you'll have to explain **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2014, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335 "2014-03-23T02:54:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/61 "2014-03-30T21:32:52Z")
Two nuns are in a communal shower. One looks over at the other and says ‘Where’s the soap?’ The second one replies, 'It sure does, doesn’t it? > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Ok, I cannot get that one. Help please? The second nun thinks the first nun says ‘Wears the soap!’ as in ‘This vigorous rubbing between my legs sure does wear the bar of soap down.’ Like I said, it is a real joke, just an overly complicated and not very good one. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/62 "2014-03-30T21:41:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Nobody actually knows the Heimlich maneuver. It’s a secret. > > heimlich is also the German word for secret. Ya know, I actually speak German pretty well, and that one went right past me. :smack: Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/63 "2014-03-31T00:01:49Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > I was going to say similar to the first sentence, but didn’t want to spoil anything. 😉 > > Actually many people drop an H here and there, normally when talking quickly or lazily. I don’t think many would go so far as to say “an 'eroic”, though, so that part of > > However, we don’t say “'erb” in the UK (unless we’re dropping the “H”, and in which case we still know it’s laziness, not correctness). I’ve always taken the American pronunciation to be an approximation of the French “herbe” rather than real H-dropping. We don’t (generally) say “yooman” or “yoomur” either. Do you? > > ETA: > > No one reads my posts ☹ I was asking about the one with the nuns in the shower. ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/64 "2014-03-31T13:49:26Z")
My favourite (and I learned it here on the Dope): Q: What does the middle initial in Benoit B Mandelbrot’s name stand for? A: Benoit B Mandelbrot ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/65 "2014-03-31T14:32:04Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Q: What MDX function would you use to retrieve [Product].[All].[Dried Fruit].[Raisins]? CurrantMember > > The code in question is apparently supposed to mean to find all dried fruit products that are not raisins. CurrentMember is an actual MDX function. Close, but it’s not to do with all dried fruit products that aren’t raisins. CurrentMember() is an actual MDX function that returns the current member of a hierarchy as you are traversing it. The jokes doesn’t really make all that much sense when analysed to death (like most jokes here) because you’d never actually use CurrentMember() to return a specific item like [Product].[All].[Dried Fruit].[Raisins] - the pun on the word current/currant is about all there is to explain here. Note that this thread is not titled “ **Good** jokes you’ll have to explain”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/66 "2014-04-05T20:46:33Z")
Well, I was kinda hoping that posting the ones I got would get people to explain the ones I didn’t. I figured out the urology one after looking it up\*, but I still don’t get the one about “Focus” and raising meat. My guess is that it’s a masturbation reference, but that doesn’t help me get the joke. I also am not 100% sure I get the magician one. Assumedly the guy does the same tricks a lot or something? And, as for the new one: of course the Mandelbrot joke is similar to the “Banach-Tarski,” just focused on recursion this time. Fractals are recursive. \*Read [this Straight Dope column](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2551/can-the-candir-fish-swim-upstream-into-your-urethra). ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/67 "2014-04-05T20:47:41Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > I think you’re over-thinking this one just a bit > > [spoiler]It’s a play on elemental symbols > > Sc - Scandium > O - Oxygen > Tc - Technetium > H - Hydrogen > > (or substitute S - Sulfur and Co - Cobalt) > > Put them together, and you have “Scotch”[/spoiler] I didn’t just overthink it, I totally missed it. And what sucks is that I’ve heard it before, but forgot. ---
**Author:** ![sich\_hinaufwinden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@sich\_hinaufwinden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sich_hinaufwinden)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/68 "2014-04-05T21:12:44Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > …but I still don’t get the one about “Focus” and raising meat. Sun’s rays meet. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/69 "2014-04-07T14:49:14Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I also am not 100% sure I get the magician one. Assumedly the guy does the same tricks a lot or something? The joke, again: > [@MentalGuy](#): > > One magician is talking to another: > > “Did you see those Alex Elmsley DVD’s?” > > “I didn’t see the third one, but I saw the first one twice.” Alex Elmsley developed the [Elmsley Count](http://geniimagazine.com/magicpedia/Elmsley_Count), a technique for displaying a set of cards to your audience in such a way that one of the cards is not shown. This involves displaying one of your cards twice, in place of the hidden card. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/70 "2014-04-07T15:11:30Z")
As the flight from Warsaw approached New Jersey, the pilot announced to the passengers: “ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll look out the windows to the right, you’ll see the Statue of Liberty.” As the passengers scrambled over to take a look, the plane suddenly became unstable, spun out of control and crashed. The accident report listed the official cause as “too many Poles in the right half-plane.” [spoiler]in control system theory (a branch of engineering/mathematics), there is a method for assessing the stability of a complex control system called the [Nyquist stability criterion.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyquist_stability_criterion) Through various mathematical transformations a 2-dimensional plot is developed which, if it shows a preponderance of certain features (“poles”) to the right of the origin, reveals the system as fundamentally unstable and in need of modifications to make it stable. It seemed funnier when I was taking a class on automatic controls theory.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/71 "2014-04-07T15:20:53Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > As the flight from Warsaw approached New Jersey, the pilot announced to the passengers: “ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll look out the windows to the right, you’ll see the Statue of Liberty.” As the passengers scrambled over to take a look, the plane suddenly became unstable, spun out of control and crashed. > > The accident report listed the official cause as “too many Poles in the right half-plane.” > > It seemed funnier when I was taking a class on automatic controls theory.[/spoiler] I remember from Process Control that a system is stable if it does not circle the -1 point. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/72 "2014-04-07T15:34:00Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > My favourite (and I learned it here on the Dope): > > Q: What does the middle initial in Benoit B Mandelbrot’s name stand for? > > A: Benoit B Mandelbrot I learned a similar one through an old Straight Dope column (reprinted in one of the books): What does the H stand for in Jesus H. Christ? _Haploid._ ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/73 "2014-04-07T15:51:27Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > As the flight from Warsaw approached New Jersey, the pilot announced to the passengers: “ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll look out the windows to the right, you’ll see the Statue of Liberty.” As the passengers scrambled over to take a look, the plane suddenly became unstable, spun out of control and crashed. > > The accident report listed the official cause as “too many Poles in the right half-plane.” > > [spoiler]in control system theory (a branch of engineering/mathematics), there is a method for assessing the stability of a complex control system called the [Nyquist stability criterion.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyquist_stability_criterion) Through various mathematical transformations a 2-dimensional plot is developed which, if it shows a preponderance of certain features (“poles”) to the right of the origin, reveals the system as fundamentally unstable and in need of modifications to make it stable. > > It seemed funnier when I was taking a class on automatic controls theory.[/spoiler] Did you and I have the same prof? Because mine told that one, too. And it was incredibly obscure the first time. 🙂 But you got to give him credit-35 years later I still remember and chuckle at a joke that I can’t explain to anyone I know! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/74 "2014-04-07T17:56:25Z")
> [@sich\_hinaufwinden](#): > > Sun’s rays meet. [Diagram of a converging lens](http://olc.spsd.sk.ca/de/physics20/optics/converg_lens_diag.htm), if you’d like a visual. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/75 "2014-07-10T17:20:39Z")
This one I remember from college Physics. The professor drew a picture of a caterpillar laying on its back with its legs in the air, and the eyes were crossed out. She said you would call this an erg because it’s a dyne centimeter. An erg is the amount of work done by a force of one dyne exerted for a distance of one centimeter. Dyne sounds like dyin’. ---
**Author:** ![Shark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Shark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/76 "2014-07-10T20:56:47Z")
You can’t tell a kleptomaniac a joke. They take things literally. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/77 "2014-07-11T02:27:39Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Shouldn’t be a problem here, but this joke usually garners blank stares: > > Cop pulls over a quantum physicist for speeding. He walks up to the window and asks “Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?” > > And the physicist says “No, but I know exactly where I am.” Part 2. Cop searches car. ‘Hey! Do you know you’ve got a dead cat in your trunk?’ ‘Well, I do now!’ ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/78 "2014-07-11T02:52:46Z")
I sort of remember a chemistry riddle about what you get when you split a BaNa[sub]2[/sub] molecule? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/79 "2014-07-11T04:18:57Z")
One of my bumper stickers: “Quilters do it in the ditch.” > **[Learn Stitch in the Ditch Quilting with a Walking Foot](https://www.generations-quilt-patterns.com/stitch-in-the-ditch.html)** > > Stitch in the Ditch Quilting is the most basic way to get a quilt quilted. Beginner instructions for quilting your first quilts. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335/80 "2014-07-11T04:59:18Z")
Dyslexia is it’s own drawer. Might not be so bad in print, but I always have to explain this one when I tell it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jokes-youll-have-to-explain/684335.md?page=3)