# Joran van der Sloot to marry. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818 "2013-05-31T22:34:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/1 "2013-05-31T22:34:57Z")
There’s nothing quite like a jailhouse [wedding](http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/natalee-holloway-murder-suspect-marry-peru-prison-184419111.html) in June. Clearly the Peruvian mental health care system has failed this woman. Bet you both parents cry through the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/2 "2013-05-31T22:45:29Z")
Wonder where they’ll honeymoon? Aruba’s pretty romantic. ---
**Author:** ![rsat3acr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@rsat3acr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsat3acr)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/3 "2013-06-01T00:51:07Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wonder where they’ll honeymoon? Aruba’s pretty romantic. nothing else to say after this:p ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/4 "2013-06-01T01:24:03Z")
Omg. I am speechless. What is the point in him getting married? ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/5 "2013-06-01T01:29:00Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Omg. I am speechless. What is the point in him getting married? Well, if they allow conjugal visits for married couples, that could certainly explain the point… ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/6 "2013-06-01T01:46:31Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Omg. I am speechless. What is the point in him getting married? Does she have money? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/7 "2013-06-01T01:58:39Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Omg. I am speechless. What is the point in him getting married? The point to HIM is just, why not? He has nothing better to do, and of course he wants someone committed to him, sending money, pictures, letters, helping with appeals, making him feel special. For her, well she obviously has some very serious problems. The documentary series “Prison Wives” is interesting. There was one episode about a woman who was trying to arrange for her husband WHO WAS ON DEATH ROW to adopt her children, who called him Dad (the woman met him while he was in prison). I think that’s where I saw that story anyway. I know for sure that I saw it somewhere. There is no limit to how ridiculous people can be. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/8 "2013-06-01T02:00:42Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wonder where they’ll honeymoon? Aruba’s pretty romantic. You win the thread. There will always be a quite sizable population segment of women who pursue relationships with men behind bars. Not sure I’d exactly chalk it up to “mental illness” per say, but supposedly it’s appealing to women who feel threatened by intimacy and/or enjoy the feeling of control in a relationship. The young lady in question had a baby awhile back, and rumor had it (at the time) that the baby was Van der Sloot’s. I feel sorry for that kid. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/9 "2013-06-01T02:42:14Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > Well, if they allow conjugal visits for married couples, that could certainly explain the point… Please, a cute boy like Joran can get plenty of sex in prison. I’ll be he can even get group sex, and we all know how he loves gang bangs. I just wish he’d had the decency to make the announcement before SNL wrapped production for the season. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/10 "2013-06-01T02:46:47Z")
She looks young, good for many points in the Celebrity Death Pool. If she makes it to 2014, that is. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/11 "2013-06-01T02:47:38Z")
Someone should’ve introduced him to Jodi Arias. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/12 "2013-06-01T02:58:59Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > Well, if they allow conjugal visits for married couples, that could certainly explain the point… From what I read, she had already been declared his “common law wife” or whatever they call it there, specifically for the conjugal visit part. They also say the kid is his too. Dude gets more tail than I, and he likely _killed a few women_. I’ve heard of liking bad boys, but this is ridiculous! When I hear about the luck this scumbag has had, it reminds me that there very likely isn’t a Hell, this is one of those cases where the monster kinda wins, and there is no recourse or comeuppance. Life isn’t fair by any means, and him not getting his is a prime example IMO. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/13 "2013-06-01T03:05:23Z")
> [@dnooman](#): > > When I hear about the luck this scumbag has had, it reminds me that there very likely isn’t a Hell, this is one of those cases where the monster kinda wins, and there is no recourse or comeuppance. Life isn’t fair by any means, and him not getting his is a prime example IMO. Take a tour of a peruvian jail sometime, he hasn’t won shit. In fact i bet he spends every minute of his miserable day wishing he had confessed to killing the aruba girl so he could be in a cozy american jail. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/14 "2013-06-01T03:23:48Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Take a tour of a peruvian jail sometime, he hasn’t won shit. In fact i bet he spends every minute of his miserable day wishing he had confessed to killing the aruba girl so he could be in a cozy american jail. Wouldn’t he be in an Aruban prison then? Personally, if I ever felt an overwhelming desire to commit a felony, I’d definitely want to do it in Norway. In fact, there are only four reasons I wouldn’t want to live in Norway anyway, and two of them apply to almost anywhere besides Seattle (I don’t know people there are I don’t know my way around). ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/15 "2013-06-01T03:35:44Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > …There will always be a quite sizable population segment of women who pursue relationships with men behind bars. Not sure I’d exactly chalk it up to “mental illness” per say, but supposedly it’s appealing to women who feel threatened by intimacy and/or enjoy the feeling of control in a relationship\ Oh, is that the reasoning? In the hood, we just used to call it a hustle. There was always a subculture in the ‘get a prison wife’ game. The men would sweet talk 'em, often even having a slicker inmate write the letters for everyone else. They would use them while in jail, and then get out and get back with their ‘real’ girlfriends. Or get out and move in with them till they get on their feet or find someone a few steps ‘above’ the prison wife. In the many cases I saw, it looked like the women were buying the scam, hook line and sinker. But maybe deep down, they had intimacy and control issues. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/16 "2013-06-01T09:52:49Z")
I suppose it would be cruel and unusual to require him to get a vasectomy as a condition of his marriage. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/17 "2013-06-01T14:02:27Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Omg. I am speechless. What is the point in him getting married? I wonder if you are married in prison that they will not let the jailed spouse cheat with another conjugal visitor? Maybe that is the point. Maybe marriage to someone dumb enough to marry a psychopathic killer is some form of punishment? This is the sacred institution of marriage people. I for one, don’t want it sullied by extending it to incarcerated murders. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/18 "2013-06-01T16:51:23Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Wouldn’t he be in an Aruban prison then? Oh, yeah you are right. Still better than peruvian prisons, which are notoriously harsh. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/19 "2013-06-01T17:13:31Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Take a tour of a peruvian jail sometime, he hasn’t won shit. In fact i bet he spends every minute of his miserable day wishing he had confessed to killing the aruba girl so he could be in a cozy american jail. Actually I heard that if he marries a peruvian, he gets citizenship, which may help him not be extradited to America if and when he is ever released. It was suggested that this may be his reason to marry. But who knows. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818/20 "2013-06-01T17:56:24Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > Does she have money? More importantly can she swim? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/joran-van-der-sloot-to-marry/659818.md?page=2)