# Journey to the Center of My Colon... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2008, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579 "2008-07-15T16:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/21 "2008-07-15T18:52:05Z")
Oh, I have been promised “some medication, which will relax you” which my wife says is codespeak for “adjust retro-rockets, we are heading into orbit”. She says she got [Fentanyl](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl), which worries me vaguely since it seems rather heavy-duty for what is supposed to be a minor procedure. I asked if it might be Valium, but she is sure it was Fentanyl. I’ve had Vicodin, which I quit taking after two days the last time because I was getting too emotionally involved with _The People’s Court_. (My back went out.) So I have a feeling I am going to be plenty relaxed. My best to your wife, **plnnr**. Heavy drugs, and socially sanctioned farting. Better than most weekends I usually have. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/22 "2008-07-15T19:09:28Z")
When I had my surgery they gave me Versed pre-op, but that wears off over time so I don’t know if that’s something they would give you. ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/23 "2008-07-15T19:21:02Z")
I’ve never had a sigmoidoscopy, but I still remember my dad bringing an endoscope home to show me how he could use the controls to wiggle the business end around. I’ve had to ingest barium for upper GI series a couple times over the years due to mysterious GI issues (We never did figure out why the hell I got laid out in blinding agony either time – wasn’t acid, wasn’t an ulcer, etc… ☹ ). The first time around, they fed me so much barium that I nearly broke the plumbing afterward. :eek: And it was banana flavored, adding insult to injury as banana is a fruit that I run away screaming from. I’m not allergic, I just hate it that much. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/24 "2008-07-15T19:45:29Z")
Even though it could be potentially serious your OP cracked me up \*\* Shodan \*\* My Doctor is recommending one for me sometime in the near future since my family has colon cancer in their history. Please tell me that I’m being whooshed about a bunch of people waiting in the recovery room farting at each other, that seems like the worst part. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/25 "2008-07-15T19:50:08Z")
The recovery room wasn’t too bad because they kept playing Peter Frampton _Do You Feel Like I Do?_ ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/26 "2008-07-15T19:59:49Z")
So. How…_big_ is this…_thing_? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/27 "2008-07-15T20:02:23Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > ``` > The recovery room wasn't too bad because they kept playing Peter Frampton Do You Feel Like I Do? > > ``` What would be good music to fart by? Personally, I am torn between _Trumpet Voluntaire_ and _The 1812 Overture_. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/28 "2008-07-15T20:08:17Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] What did you eat the day before? [/QUOTE] I know I’ve posted this here before, but the regimen I was given was three days (72 hours) of clear liquids. I could have broth, tea, coffee, clear juice, pop, and, strangely enough, hard candy and gumdrops. The broth was a nice change from the sweet, and it kept me from feeling hungry. The night before the procedure I had the liquid laxative stuff in ginger ale. I thought it tasted nasty, but it was actually the cheap ginger ale. Same thing the morning of. Both times I did make a necessary trip (or maybe a couple) to the bathroom, but it wasn’t that bad. Not the explosive stuff I’ve seen described here, and not the run-run-run urgency. The whole thing wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And I also didn’t have the big ol’ farts afterward. Some, but not so bad. Maybe I’m just weird. Of course, they did tell me I have an exceptionally long colon, so maybe that had something to do with it? Lucky me, I finally find something to be exceptional about, and look what it is. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/29 "2008-07-15T20:51:21Z")
Had both upper and lower done a few months ago, mainly because I was in the ER passing blood. I’d ended up staying in the hospital for a few days and they had me have that lovely, lovely lemon-lime stuff. They brought in the whole bottle and said, “Well, try to finish at least half of it. We know it’s terrible.” Being the non-medical-wimp I am, I decided that I’d definately finish all of it. All I’d need to do is down one glass every ten minutes and I’d be fine. Just fine. Good lord. I choked down about 2/3 of the bottle they brought me, and had to throw in the towel. That stuff is pure VILE, and not overly fun on an empty stomach. Still, the GI went well, and we’re doing some follow-up work. Beyond the laxitive, the whole thing really isn’t all that bad. And from your friends at the SDMB, just know… We’re rooting for you… In the end. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/30 "2008-07-15T22:20:28Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] She says she got [Fentanyl](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl), which worries me vaguely [/QUOTE] Fentanyl’s a good choice. Rapidly acting, easily titrated for adequate pain relief, very, very effective for visceral pain, then out of the system very quickly once it’s not needed. Combine it with Versed for a little muscle relaxation and retrograde amnesia, and you’ve got twilight anesthesia, a very effective approach for most people. Lots better than vicodin and valium. Really. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/31 "2008-07-15T22:23:33Z")
You’d think with all the advances in modern medicine they’d come up with a way to make that stuff taste good. I understand children’s medicine should not taste like candy, but surely if you’re supposed to chug a bottle of something it shouldn’t taste like bird poop marinating in rotting leaves and moldy garlic. I get to have one after I’m done with my breast cancer treatment…just to make sure. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![serious\_lark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@serious\_lark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/serious_lark)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/32 "2008-07-15T22:24:39Z")
Best of luck, Shodan. Hopefully it will not be too traumatic and no terrible answers will arise from it. My parents have both had this procedure done and one (my dad) found it “not as bad as advertised” (this after stalling for a few years, mind) and the other found it to be every bit as uncomfortable as she’d been fearing. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/33 "2008-07-15T23:34:38Z")
**Shodan** good luck and even though the prospect of this is well, as unpleasant as hell, it’s a good thing to have done. I’ve had one colonoscopy and my doctor hinted that I should have another five years down the road just cause I’m over 50. I had the first done at 50 and next year I hit the double nickle so I guess it’ll be time again. However as **plnnr** said it could save your life. BTW, glad the wife is doing good **plnnr**. The clean out wasn’t so bad. I took the nurse’s advice and ate a diet of Jell-O (no red or yellow) and clear liquids for 36 hours before taking the first dose. It was a little bottle I mixed with water and took at seven p.m. by ten p.m. I was done. The next morning I took the second bottle at six a.m. and had the colonoscopy at ten a.m. Good drugs. Heh. I remember looking at ACBG (my squeeze) and asking him when they were going to do this already and him telling me it was all over. Then I farted and we giggled like six year old boys. Then I got some SevenUp and we went to the Chinese buffet restaurant cause I was starving. When I got home I dozed for a while and pretty much just vegged. Went to bed early and the next day everything was fine. You’ll be fine. Oh and _Trumpet Voluntaire_ as fart music. I can totally hear that. Of course I also can never ever go to another wedding for fear _Trumpet Voluntaire_ will be played. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/34 "2008-07-16T00:05:48Z")
Here’s hoping it goes well and the results show nothing serious! ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/35 "2008-07-16T00:14:40Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] She had it done WITHOUT anesthesia! The procedure was successfully completed, and the doctor said he’d only had two other patients, both male, do it _sans_ anesthesia. Beat that! [/QUOTE] Sigh… This is what makes me feel I made a huge mistake to choose living in Japan. Colonoscopy without anesthesia is the absolute routine here. Doctors look at you like you just grew an extra head when you ask for it. For mine I had to go to four hospitals before I found a doctor who would agree to give me the knock out drops. My husband was simply flatly refused. Childbirth is the same, epidurals etc for childbirth simply do not exist for the regular person. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/36 "2008-07-16T00:48:15Z")
I was a bit irked a few years ago when I had an upper and lower GI exam. I was told that I would be given just a local anesthetic and would be able to watch on a monitor. Then while I was in the prep room they decided to switch me to full anesthesia. I slept through the whole thing! No pain that I can recall afterwards. The sample they took from my stomach showed pre-ulcerous bacteria, so my doc gave me a prescription for a month’s worth of antibiotics which must have worked because I’m still ulcer-free (although I’ve been accused of being a carrier). Oh, and the free transportation to and from the clinic was a limo. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/37 "2008-07-16T01:03:53Z")
> [@](#): > > But all she will do is smile at me and remind me to put toilet paper on the shopping list. Apparently I must undergo a process of inner cleansing to prepare the way for the shaman to remove my anal virginity. This involves laxatives that emphatically do not market themselves to people looking for “gentle, overnight relief”. More like a nuclear holocaust in your bowels, and make sure there is a clear path to the toilet within ten minutes after your first dose. It actually says on the instructions that I should not get too far from plumbing, and my dear wife keeps nodding her head and saying, “Believe it, dear.” Here’s someone else saying the same thing. Pay attention to all the instructions, because it would be terrible to do the semi-fast and the Inner Cleansing and then have the doc refuse you on account of you ate strawberry gelatin (with red food coloring). I go to a religious hospital, and the chaplain stopped by and we had a nice chat. She offered to pray for me or with me, and I politely refused, as I’m an atheist. No hand-stabbing was involved. She did give me comfort, in that she told me that the worst of it (the fast and cleansing) was over. I was worrying myself sick. I was given Fentanyl and, I believe, Versed. I had to have both ends probed. I do not remember any part of the procedure itself, and I am fine with that. I was kind of loopy when I woke up, but I was able to get dressed by myself. First, though, I was encouraged to fart. I think that I could have walked out under my own power, but the Hospital Rules decreed that I had to be wheeled out. I took it easy for the rest of the day, and farted as much as possible. I am certain that I wouldn’t have been able to drive, though I was aware enough that I didn’t even think of doing so. I have heard that mixing that vile cleanser with vodka improves its flavor. I dunno, I doubt that ANYTHING can improve the flavor, other than pouring it directly down the toilet. Ask the doc if you can have a drink before having your anal virginity challenged. Oh, and I had NO post-operative pain. None. I didn’t take any pain pills, either. ---
**Author:** ![jeepus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeepus/32/3593_2.png) [@jeepus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeepus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/38 "2008-07-16T03:55:54Z")
Good Luck **Shodan**! Here’s a little song for you to hum. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/D97nS0xYZQk/hqdefault.jpg "Colon is a mighty big river") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D97nS0xYZQk) ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/39 "2008-07-16T04:58:56Z")
Best of luck to you, **Shodan**. May all of this be for naught. I’ve had two. No biggie. Never even told to fart. But plan on spending most of your evening sitting on the toilet. Magazines are good. Stock up on magazines. And think about where you’ll want to eat afterward; you’ll be hungry. I’ll be looking forward to hearing the results. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579/40 "2008-07-16T05:06:25Z")
[QUOTE=Elysium] And will there be dinosaurs?! That’d be awesome. [/QUOTE] Perhaps a tearanusaurus rex? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/journey-to-the-center-of-my-colon/456579.md?page=3)