# JSB5048, A Word Please ...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [February 3, 2003, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447 "2003-02-03T06:00:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/1 "2003-02-03T06:00:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*Santa Clause \*\*
>
> Has there ever been a study on how fast Santa Clause would have to travel in order to make it to every Christian’s home in a single night?
>
> Wouldn’t the friction and windage burn him to a KRISp?
>
> Anyone? Anyone?
Because [I promised I’d do it](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2933333#post2933333), I reluctantly Pit you for the egregious misrepresentation of the Jolly Old Elf’s name in [your GQ thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=160390).
The name of the mythical character is Santa **C - L - A - U - S**. No final E. It’s a diminutive for Nicholas in Dutch (and I think German) and in English-speaking areas that have been influenced by the Dutch and Plattdeutsch.
The name of the Tim Allen movie derives from a bit of _wordplay_ involving the homophony between the name Claus and the word for a subject-and-verb-containing sentence fragment which is commonly used for elements of legal contracts. Because Tim’s character takes out Santa Claus (no E), he’s obliged to replace him: the “Santa clause” (pun) in the arrangement requires him to.
That’s all. It’s a pet peeve of mine about the misspelling; sorry I had to take it out on you, but I said I would, so I have to keep my written promise. (Hmmm, wonder what clause or Claus requires that! ;))
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### Author:  [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/2 "2003-02-03T06:03:30Z")
Hmm… there should be a combined “MPSIMS + BBQ Pit” for this kind of thing. )
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### Author:  [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/3 "2003-02-03T06:04:35Z")
Oops… that was meant to be a smiley!
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/4 "2003-02-03T06:07:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Polycarp \*
> **Because [I promised I’d do it](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2933333#post2933333), I reluctantly Pit you for the egregious misrepresentation of the Jolly Old Elf’s name in [your GQ thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=160390).**
What the hell do [celebrity universities](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2933333#post2933333) have to do with Santa Claus, you, JSB5048, or The Pit?
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### Author:  [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/5 "2003-02-03T06:13:04Z")
Santa’s not an elf!
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### Author:  [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/6 "2003-02-03T06:13:58Z")
Displays of towering rage like this just aren’t healthy.
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### Author:  [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/7 "2003-02-03T06:26:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> What the hell do celebrity universities have to do with Santa Claus, you, JSB5048, or The Pit?
Eeek!! The link to my promise was supposed to be [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2577232#post2577232](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2577232#post2577232) – I used the celebrities thread for the “go to this post” format, and apparently screwed up on substituting in the proper numbers.
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### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/8 "2003-02-03T06:34:08Z")
**Poly** , dude, I think you need a serious break from the boards for a while. I mean, really - Meltdown in 5… 4… 3… 2… :rolleyes: Get over it!
( 😉 )
Esprix
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### Author:  [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/9 "2003-02-03T06:48:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Santa’s not an elf!
Do you have a better citation than [A Visit From St. Nicholas](http://www.nyise.org/moore/)? \*
> [@](#):
>
> He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
- ([Challenges to the authorship of that poem, notwithstanding.](http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/donner.htm))
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### Author:  [@japatlgt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/japatlgt)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/10 "2003-02-03T06:50:57Z")
Damn, this is outrageous! An “e” or the lack thereof or whatever the hell it was. Anyone taking liberties with Santa should be ashamed of themselves! I’m going to pout!
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### Author:  [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/11 "2003-02-03T07:00:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> …burn him to a KRISp…
I’m sorry, no matter how much I agree with the OP, no matter how infantile a question this is, I still find it funny (in an immature, silly way) how wordplay was made of a possible argument against this annual miracle that “occurs”.
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### Author:  [@Marcus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/12 "2003-02-03T08:21:37Z")
Chico: You can’t fool me…there ain’t no Sanity Clause! 😃
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/13 "2003-02-03T12:21:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Polycarp \*
> **The name of the mythical character is Santa C - L - A - U - S. No final E. It’s a diminutive for Nicholas in Dutch (and I think German) and in English-speaking areas that have been influenced by the Dutch and Plattdeutsch.**
Actually, it’s just the German diminutive. The Dutch diminutive goes as follows: _Sint Nicolaas - Sinterklaas_. Klaas is actually a fairly common boy’s name, and is diminutive for “Nicolaas” in general. Us Dutch tend to glue words together whenever we can, to confuse the foreigners - and ourselves. Hence the word “Sinterklaas”, where the “er” just connects the Sint (“saint”, obviously) and Klaas.
Claus is of course the German diminutive for Nicolaus. And whilst Santa Claus maybe mythical, Saint Nicholas really did exist. But I know I don’t have to inform Poly about the bishop of Myra. 🙂
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/14 "2003-02-03T12:28:01Z")
Go **Polycarpe** (diem)!
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### Author:  [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/15 "2003-02-03T17:00:26Z")
A small excerpt from Ogden Nash’s “The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus”:
All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint,
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.
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### Author:  [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/16 "2003-02-03T20:19:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by japatlgt \*
> \*\* I’m going to pout! \*\*
You’d better not!
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### Author:  [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/17 "2003-02-03T20:22:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Polycarp \*
> \*\*Because Tim’s character takes out Santa Claus (no E), he’s obliged to replace him: the “Santa clause” (pun) in the arrangement requires him to.
> \*\*
Minor nitpick:
It’s the fact that he puts on the Santa suit, not that he killed Santa, that obligates him to take on the role (perhaps you’re confusing it with the role of Death in Peirs Anthony’s On A Pale Horse?)
Zev Steinhardt
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### Author:  [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/18 "2003-02-03T20:23:28Z")
BTW, don’t let my little nitpick take anything away from the validity of your point.
Zev Steinhardt
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### Author:  [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/19 "2003-02-03T20:53:03Z")
How do you post to specific posts like that?
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### Author:  [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jsb5048-a-word-please/152447/20 "2003-02-03T21:44:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by John Carter of Mars \*
> \*\*A small excerpt from Ogden Nash’s “The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus”:
>
> All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
> Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
> The saucy boy who mocked the saint,
> Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint. \*\*
Erm, in keeping with the thread, I’m pretty sure it’s Donder, not Donner.
Donder is German for thunder, and Blitzen for lightning.
No, I don’t have a cite, being too lazy to look for one, but it does make intuitive sense, and there are still eight tiny reindeer, plus Rudolph, that prima donna, which wouldn’t be likely when you consider the chances of everyone surviving a winter in an isolated area with someone named “Donner”.
Lessee, hijack, half baked assertion, insulting beloved children’s character, canibalism reference, yep, that’s my posting style allright.
At least it’ll save time since we’re in the pit already.
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